yes or no, bring duaghter home after discharge?

[yaneznayu]

Should my wife and I bring our daughter home after her discharge from inpatient unit, or do we insist that someplace else be found for her?

Our daughter is in an inpatient unit for suicidal ideation, self-harm, and aggression to others.  Because of her behaviors, she is also on round-the-clock 1-1 supervision.  This is her 10th or 11th inpatient/residential stay in the last 12 months.  In that same past year, she has been out of inpatient/residential for less than 1 month total.  In the last two months, she has been discharged twice back home; in March she was able to stay out of the hospital for 3 weeks, but in April she was out of the hospital only 3 days before another crisis and the next hospitalization.

The hospitals, our insurance, and even our daughter herself are saying that she needs this level of supervision, 1-1, 24/7, indefinitely.  We cannot provide that ourselves.  We cannot afford private residential at $28K/month or higher.  We cannot afford round-the-clock home aide at $10K/month or more.  No treatment facilities that we can afford will take her because of the 1-1 staffing.  Because she is under mental illness category and not developmental delay/disorder category, there are only limited options.

Before last May, she had issues, but was at a much higher baseline.

Do we bring her home, or (finally) say enough is enough, and she needs to go someplace else?  if so, where?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi and Welcome,
 Here is some info that may help read down to bottom
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=342741.0

Is your daughter under 18? 

[yaneznayu]

Some more background info, that will put my first post in context:

Daughter is 21.
We are her legal guardians, with decision-making / responsibility / legal signature in matters of finance, health care, education.
She has state Medicaid, and federal SSI.

We are working with private educational consultant.
In the past year, in addition to 9 hospitalizations in inpatient units (including 5 repetitions at the hospital where she is currently): 
  * 1 week at a PHP-type program with separate residence, in our home state
  * 2 hours at an in-state residential treatment center
  * 2 hours at an in-state mental health nursing home
  * 3 months at an intensive residential assessment program in Utah
  * 12 hours, 3 weeks, and 3 days during separate stays at home
Each of the interludes that were not inpatient units ended with a crisis where her self-harm and/or aggression to others escalated to a 911 call, then an ER psych eval, and eventual return to an inpatient unit.

The week at the PHP program + separate residence and the 3 months at the program in Utah wiped out our liquid cash reserves.  We have recovered from the credit card debt and home equity loan that we ran up, but we are extremely reluctant to start another expensive program given her string of treatment failures for the past year.

[yaneznayu]

I forgot to say, thank you very much for the link to
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=342741.0

I have only begun to skim through the many articles linked from there.  Not exactly our situation, since our daughter is 21, but definitely lots of ideas to consider, especially about possible ways to help with $.