How do you tell them?

[Reawakening]

I am taking steps every day towards getting my ducks in a row to be able to leave my uBPDh. I am working on recognizing my own traits of codependency and probably trauma bonding, and I am trying to sort things out within myself. This is all happening at the moment through reading here, reading books, and watching videos, since I don’t have a T right now and uBPDh sees that as a threat. I have mentioned marriage counseling several times recently. Our state has only partly reopened, and therapists aren’t seeing patients in person yet.

My question is, how do you tell your spouse that you want to separate? I was thinking the best place to start being A little bit open about my feelings and eventually my desire to leave the relationship would be in counseling, but what if that’s not an option soon enough? Or what if he refuses to go?

[Boll2017]

I am struggling with this as well.  Has anyone been able to give a warning and have an outcome where you can talk it out while still cohabitating?   In my case, fear of abandonment brings on disregulated bouts with no chance of reasoning.  There seems to be no way to have a calm conversation. I feel like I have no choice but to leave without much conversation.