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Experts share their discoveries [video]
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Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
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Author Topic: How to reconcile "protective dishonesty" part 7  (Read 1253 times)
formflier
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« Reply #30 on: June 03, 2020, 08:44:28 AM »



It is funny how they back down when their truth can be challenged.
 

Best to let them discover this, vice "challenge" them on it.  Let them wrestle with dots that don't line up.

Best,

FF
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #31 on: June 03, 2020, 11:55:49 AM »

As a side note, what I really love in FF’s story about his wife and his “illegitimate daughter” having the same name is thinking how the medical records would reflect treating one individual for both menopause and diaper rash, and the height and weight discrepancy.

I dealt with similar illogical issues with my BPD mother, not nearly as creative and humorous, other than the time she stole the neighbor’s tree that was about to be planted, because it was on her side of the property line. It wasn’t. I had to do some explaining to the sheriff.

Even when people with personality disorders are far more logical, I’ve found it’s not worthwhile to confront them about issues that are nonsensical. They’re going to believe what they believe, regardless of the facts.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #32 on: June 03, 2020, 12:28:49 PM »


Oh..but Cat Familiar...you see for someone like me that is smart enough to pull of this scam the issue of medical billing codes, diaper rash and adult issues at the same time...well..that's small potatoes.

She certainly didn't know how I did it...but I did.

Well...until I didn't.

Or whatever..

Best,

FF
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« Reply #33 on: June 03, 2020, 09:12:19 PM »

Hi. Forgive me for not providing links, but I am using my phone and don't have much time.

It may have been suggested before but if you can get the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, I think it would give you a lot of insight into how the attitudes and beliefs of an abusive person drive their behavior (physical, verbal, and/or emotional abuse). There is a review of it in the library section here.

I just read it for the first time even though my relationship has been done for over two years. It breaks down the tactics, or dysfunctional tools that people with abusive mindsets use in romantic relationships, even the ones that are being used when it seems like they are trying to "be good". Also gives a list of the attitudes and beliefs that would have to be challenged in therapy for real change to happen and what it looks like when real change is or isn't evident.

I haven’t heard this, or at least don’t remember this one specifically. The thing that gets me is the ease with which he seems to implement these tactics, but I would think it would take an evil mastermind to conduct.

Maybe I don’t have a hidden agenda to the things I do.  I suppose if you operate on manipulation most of the time, you get really good at it.

I will definitely add it to my reading list...thank you!

Excerpt
On the subject of figuring out a diagnosis: my ex ticks almost all the boxes for BPD and aspd and all the boxes for PPD. Yet, he was diagnosed with ocpd and "depression with psychotic features" instead, with the exception of a possible BPD diagnosis from the last court ordered psych eval. So sometimes even professionals have a hard time figuring out what diagnosis fits best.


I can believe it!  NPD seems very different from BPD, but I suspect that is because I have a very basic understanding. The more I know, the more I can “see” the traits in action. Recognizing these traits has helped me recalibrate my behavior, which has made a big difference in my mental state. Still struggle, but more empowered.

Thank you for sharing. United in PDs brings strength.
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #34 on: June 08, 2020, 01:47:36 PM »

Staff only This thread has reached its maximum length and is now locked. The conversation continues here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=344904.0
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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