Hi. Forgive me for not providing links, but I am using my phone and don't have much time.
It may have been suggested before but if you can get the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, I think it would give you a lot of insight into how the attitudes and beliefs of an abusive person drive their behavior (physical, verbal, and/or emotional abuse). There is a review of it in the library section here.
I just read it for the first time even though my relationship has been done for over two years. It breaks down the tactics, or dysfunctional tools that people with abusive mindsets use in romantic relationships, even the ones that are being used when it seems like they are trying to "be good". Also gives a list of the attitudes and beliefs that would have to be challenged in therapy for real change to happen and what it looks like when real change is or isn't evident.
I haven’t heard this, or at least don’t remember this one specifically. The thing that gets me is the ease with which he seems to implement these tactics, but I would think it would take an evil mastermind to conduct.
Maybe I don’t have a hidden agenda to the things I do. I suppose if you operate on manipulation most of the time, you get really good at it.
I will definitely add it to my reading list...thank you!
On the subject of figuring out a diagnosis: my ex ticks almost all the boxes for BPD and aspd and all the boxes for PPD. Yet, he was diagnosed with ocpd and "depression with psychotic features" instead, with the exception of a possible BPD diagnosis from the last court ordered psych eval. So sometimes even professionals have a hard time figuring out what diagnosis fits best.
I can believe it! NPD seems very different from BPD, but I suspect that is because I have a very basic understanding. The more I know, the more I can “see” the traits in action. Recognizing these traits has helped me recalibrate my behavior, which has made a big difference in my mental state. Still struggle, but more empowered.
Thank you for sharing. United in PDs brings strength.
