What are some general aspects of your situation? How many years have you been married? Do you have children? Do you, your spouse or your children have counselors currently? Are you pondering divorce or have you already separated?
I am trying to provide resources for myself and wife as I am at a loss when it comes her possibly having BPD.
Our site is focused on peer support for the person who is
not the one with BPD or some other acting-out personality disorder. In years past we sometimes had couples register but all too soon the drama and conflict were brought to the site and problems arose. For that reason we ask that you do not invite or even inform your spouse of this site. Why? Even if she doesn't register she might lurk and some things mentioned here would not be wise to share with her since they could trigger her or she might try to sabotage your progress.
She would do much better with a qualified therapist local to your area. (There are
resources for those recovering from BPD if she chooses to seek peer support for herself.) Is she willing to have a therapist guide her through sessions so she can seek some level of improvement and recovery in her perceptions, behaviors and daily life? Her willingness, or not, to seek therapy is a major indicator of what approaches you would take as you ponder a divorce and the myriad of details that you'll need to address.
You will find a treasure trove of hard-won strategies, communication skills, approaches to future success, whether in improving the relationship or unwinding it. Collectively we've "been there, done that". We can share what usually works and what usually doesn't work.
On this Family Law board you will find excellent support. One of the best handbooks to prepare you for the future is William Eddy's
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
