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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Trying to survive and keep moving forward  (Read 206 times)
brighter future

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken up
Posts: 10


« on: June 30, 2020, 01:48:06 PM »

I am a male in his early 40’s that got out of a LTR about 2.5 months ago with a woman 8 years younger than me that is believed to have BPD. The breakup was so difficult on me emotionally that I sought counseling about a month after the fact. After several weeks of describing events from the relationship in my therapy sessions and sharing email and text messages between the ex-g/f and I with my therapist, she said there’s no doubt in her mind that my ex-girlfriend suffers from BPD. My ex-girlfriend endured a few years of childhood sexual abuse as well as a very turbulent home life. Ironically, my ex-wife also suffers from BPD, eating disorders, and several other mental health disorders. She suffers from severe depression, anxiety, very low self-worth, impulsive behavior, and constantly changing moods. Her only therapy for the abuse that she endured during her childhood consisted of weekly sessions with a PHD for 4 months in 2019, and she discontinued therapy stating that she “was fine.”
 I still have to deal with my ex-wife quite frequently as we have a child together. Depending on her mood, some interactions with my ex-wife are painless, while others can be quite difficult. The past 12 years have been quite difficult for me when you combine the turbulent relationship with my ex-wife and the one that just ended with my ex-girlfriend. I apologize for the length of my post, so please excuse me if I’m rambling.  It was such a long and drawn out ordeal, and it took so much out of me.  I’ve learned a lot more about this disorder after spending the last several days reading posts in the forum and the rest of the website. I’m presently working on breaking this cycle in my relationships.
I did not date anyone seriously for about 5 years following the separation from my ex-wife which resulted in a lengthy custody/divorce battle. I ended up with majority custody of our child. During this lengthy battle, I didn’t have the energy for a serious relationship and did not want to draw anyone into the drama that was my life for ½ of a decade. It was a lonely and difficult time, but I made it through it with the support of friends and family. I was also cautious about any potential partner due to the turbulent marriage to my ex-wife. I told myself that I couldn’t go through that again.
I’ve known my ex-girlfriend for 20 years. Her parents have been neighbors of mine for the entire time, and we’ve always been friendly with each other. I’ve always had a good rapport with her parents.  She was in high school when I first met her, so there was no love interest at that time on my part since I was 8 years older. I later found out that my ex had a crush on me at first sight. Fast forward a few years, and my ex-girlfriend was out of school and was of age. I had a dinner and socialized with her family at that time and thought she’d grown into a lovely young woman. She and I exchanged glances and some conversation that day. The following year she left for college out of state, and I became involved in another relationship. My ex-girlfriend returned home next door to her parents from college a little over three years later.  I later found out that she became engaged while in college, and her ex-fiance broke it off a few months later. She left college brokenhearted and left the state where she was in college and began drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Soon after, she became pregnant and returned home to her parent’s home a few months later. By that time, I was in a relationship  with my ex-wife. Due to the fact that my ex-g/f was living next door again, we had some brief encounters as neighbors, but that was it. I got married to my ex-wife about a year later, and my ex-g/f met and married what would become her ex-husband about 9 months after I got married. My ex-g/f and I saw each other briefly over the years when she and her husband would visit her folks next door. She and her parents were also at the wedding when I married my ex-wife ironically.
Fast forward to 2018, I had been divorced for nearly 4 years and separated for 5 years from my ex-wife. My ex-girlfriend moved back into her parent’s house next door with her children. I soon found out that she had left her ex-husband and had already filed for divorce. She lived there for a total of just over two months. We’d had some nice conversations out in the yard during that time, and I received a friend request on social media soon afterwards. I had always liked her personality and always found her attractive, so it was easy for me to accept the friend request. She and the children got an apartment about an hour away from me after those two months were up, as she wanted to move closer to the college that she was going to (decided to go back to try and finish her degree).
One evening about six weeks after she and the children moved an hour away, I saw a social media post from her asking for well wishes from her friends and family. She was trying to finalize her divorce and was also overwhelmed trying to work, go to school, raise two kids, and maintain a home.  That night I felt compelled to send her a private message telling her that she had the well wishes from me and my family. I also shared that I had gone through similar things with my divorce and that I could identify with some of the things she was feeling. I received an instant reply from her, and we spent the next couple of hours texting back and forth. We talked every night for the next week and a half. One evening she said that she would be spending the night next door with her parents after dropping her kids off with her ex on Friday night. She asked if I was going to be home and that she would like to visit with me on my porch. I obliged, and we had a wonderful conversation for roughly two hours and also for a short time the following day before she returned back home to her apartment an hour away. We had other similar encounters over the next 4 weeks or so. During that time she stated that she had always been attracted to me and always wanted to get to know me better, however, the age difference stood in the way years ago. She said there were times that she saw me outside and wanted to talk after she returned home pregnant, but she said why would someone want to talk to the neighbor’s daughter who was “knocked up with an illegitimate child?”


She told her parents that she was seeing me a short time later. They were shocked but thrilled by the news. We continued to see each other weekly while she was living an hour away. I would go up to see her one week, and she’d travel down to see me the week after that. In my 40 some odd years, I’d   never connected with a woman like I had with her. There was a chemistry there unlike anything I’d ever experienced before with any woman. We felt comfortable with each other and had a mutual trust, which allowed us to be able to share things with each other without the fear of being judged. I’d never had that before either. During the times we weren’t able to see each other, we’d talk on the telephone after the kids went to bed, and we’d exchange text messages and emails during the day. Her emails almost always made me feel warm and fuzzy inside and needed as well. One particular email came while I was at work one day about 6 weeks into our relationship. It was very scattered and all over the place. She said she was struggling that day with feelings about how difficult life was, etc. Then she proceeds to tell me “If we get married someday, I think it would be wonderful but difficult at the same time blending our families and making things work.” I was kind of caught off guard with those statements because I felt they were quite premature, but I didn’t overthink it too much. Approximately two weeks later I received a lengthy email from her stating how much I meant to her and how she wanted our relationship to work. In that email she stated that “When you’re not around, I miss you so bad I want to ditch whatever is happening in my life and just follow you. Being close to you is like an addiction for me. When I’m close enough to touch you it feels so good. Then being apart I crave that feeling.” The statement she made about my presence being “an addiction” for her concerned me. Once again, I didn’t take it too seriously. She also told me several times during our relationship that if I wasn’t in her life, she probably wouldn’t be able to function. She was up and down with her emotions during that time, but I just attributed it to her recent split with the ex-husband and being alone trying to raise two kids. That was only the tip of the ice burg.
During the next 4 months of our relationship, I learned about her numerous relationship failures with boyfriends and also the failure of her one marriage to her ex-husband. The father of her daughter was never in the picture, and they were broken up a month when she found out she was pregnant. She said, “He just quit talking to me one day, and I never knew why. I knew he was someone that I wasn’t going to marry. I was just with him because he was nice to me.” She blamed most of the issues with the marriage on her ex-husband, but I’ve learned over the past couple of months that it wasn’t all his fault. During the last 16 years, she has attended six different universities and has more than enough credits for a bachelor’s degree. However, if you put all of those credits together, you can’t make an actual degree out of it. Her failure to obtain a degree is one of the many things in her life that she’s started and failed to finish. She’s amazingly talented in art and math and is very gifted in working with children when she’s in a good mindset. My child absolutely loved her.
She also confided in me that after she had moved out of her parent’s house and into the apartment, she had a 5-6 week rebound friends with benefits affair with the twin brother of her high school sweetheart while her divorce was ongoing. Their relationship, she stated, was unhealthy (based on manipulation and he was a heavy drinker), so she broke it off. However, he continued to text and try to call her afterwards asking her to call him to talk him out of getting drunk. She and I started seeing each other a short time later, and she told him she was seeing me and was no longer interested in a relationship with him (claimed she actually told him he was a rebound while they were involved and that he was Ok with that). His wife actually left him shortly before that due to his drinking. My ex also stated to me that while she was having an affair with this guy, she was also “talking to three other guy friends from high school” and that all four men “tried talking me into things that made me feel uncomfortable and that’s not the person that I want to be. When I started seeing you, you reminded me of the person that I want to be. Thank you for reminding me to be myself, not what others wanted me to be.” Another red flag that I didn’t take seriously.
She and I were intimate roughly 3 months into our relationship. Every intimate encounter between us was very loving and respectful, unlike anything I had shared with any previous partner.  She shared with me that I was the only man in her life that viewed intimacy that way and said that it was so good it was almost too overwhelming for her. One time she stated that intimacy with past lovers almost always involved something bad happening afterwards. This case was different for her, and she said it was difficult to deal with at times. Our intimate relationship was on again and off again due to her emotional issues and also for her feeling guilt for having sex out of wedlock due to her religious beliefs. She said he children looked at her strangely when she quit taking the Lord’s supper at church. During our 19 month relationship, our intimate relationship was on again / off again 4 or 5 times for these reasons. Each time I tried being patient with her but I grew frustrated as it kept happening. I was just looking for a little consistency. Five months before our relationship ended, she said that we could no longer have sex again until we were married. We started talking seriously about marriage a month or so before that happened. There were a couple of instances where things got carried away after that, and she asked me to do certain things only to have to stop before they went all the way. She apologized for doing that but stated that “she wanted to turn me on.” It was torture.
Five months into our relationship and at the start of her second semester as a full-time student/single mom, she had a mental meltdown and started having some serious problems with her physical health as well. She ended up dropping all but one class about a month later and entered counseling with a psychologist. Her MD also adjusted some of her meds and upped her antidepressant. After about 6 weeks of up and down behavior, she seemed to be in a better place after getting the meds adjusted and going to weekly counseling. She began to discuss moving back to my area to be closer to me and her parents and said that she realized she could no longer do it on her own. It was her plan to take a semester or two off of school to get herself together.
She and the children found a home about 15 minutes away from us and moved back as soon as school got out. It was good having her here. We spent a lot of time together and took two vacations out of state together. There were never any real arguments between us, just a lot of up and down periods with her emotions and some days she wouldn’t feel much like talking or doing anything.  She stated that she’s always been this way due to past trauma. After she moved back to my area, she never found another psychologist in the area even though the one she was seeing before recommended that she continue treatment with someone else. One day before moving back here, she leveled with me and said that her former psychologist told her she “had no business being in a committed relationship in her state of mind.” She told the psychologist that she “wanted to keep seeing me and couldn’t lose me” while she was trying to fix herself.  After being back in town close to five months, she told me that she was struggling really bad emotionally and asked me for names of good counseling centers in town. This was about the time that she stopped the intimacy between us. I gave her some names of good counselors and told her I’d help her in any way possible.
She never followed through with finding another counselor and said that she “was doing fine now” a couple of weeks later. Once again, her emotions were up and down and she continued to hint towards marriage. Her financial situation was also not the best since she was employed very minimally and made up the difference with child support and public assistance. What all of that that didn’t cover, her parents and I made up the difference. Virtually any time we went out with or without the children, I almost always had to pay everyone’s way, even on my own birthday. It was also during this time period that she felt that she was not going to return to college to finish her degree. At the time of our breakup, she had well over 50k in college debt with no way to pay it back.
Despite all of these red flags and all of her up and down, erratic behavior, I looked at the good parts of our relationship and continued to look towards the future. Her employment situation never improved even though she stated that she was going to look for more work. Shortly after Christmas and New Year’s (2020) she stated that she was again in a bad place emotionally and asked me to give her the names of therapists again. It was a that time she described some of the abuse that was done to her as a child. It was heartbreaking to hear that. I continued to be as supportive as possible.
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brighter future

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken up
Posts: 10


« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2020, 01:49:10 PM »

Part two. Sorry for multiple posts.

Once again, she started applying the pressure for an engagement and said that she loved me and wanted us to all be a family living under the same roof. I told her that was what I was hoping for as well but encouraged her to go see a counselor. Once again, she never followed through and stated that she was fine. All of the children were pushing for an engagement, even my own child. I went and ordered her an engagement ring shortly before Valentine’s Day, and it arrived at the jewelers about 10 days later. She and I went and picked it up at that time. She tried it on, and it fit perfectly. Then she proceeded to tell me, “Don’t make me wait forever for you to give this to me. I don’t want a replay of what happened with my first fiancé when I wanted an engagement just as bad” (the one that broke the engagement and sent her into a pattern of self-destructive behavior 13 years earlier).  My plan was to propose to her about a month later on our Spring Break vacation if all continued to go well. Roughly 2-3 weeks after picking up the ring at the jeweler’s, she hit another rough patch and asked for the counselor’s names again. That time I really urged her to follow through with therapy and told her that I loved her and would be there to support her. We had cancel our out of state vacation with the kids due to the Covid outbreak, and we agreed that we’d reschedule something for later on this year.
Following the cancelation of our vacation she continued to struggle most days with a few decent days in between, but things seemed to continue on fairly normal with our relationship. She continued to hint about engagement, and I told her when the time was right and that I was working on it. Shortly after she stated “My dad is starting to lose respect for you since you haven’t asked him for my hand in marriage.” I told her that he and I had several conversations recently, and I didn’t think that was the case. She said “Well I believe he thinks you should have talked to him by now.” Looking back now, that was very manipulative on her part to make a statement like that. She spoke frequently of her financial hardships and one time asked me through tears “When are you going to take me away from all of this?” What a guilt trip to lay on someone.
We continued to see each other as often as we normally did and things appeared to be fine except for her up and down emotional state. One week prior to our breakup, she appeared to be frustrated at times when we were talking on the phone the one night. I asked her what was wrong and did it have anything to do with me. She stated that she was frustrated with me because it was taking so long for me to propose, but most of what she was dealing with “had very little to do with me.”  We spent that whole weekend together doing things with the kids and had a good time over all.
She dropped by my house a couple of days later to visit with me and pick up her phone charger that she left in my car. As we were getting ready to walk outside she stopped me in the garage and asked if we could talk, and I agreed. She burst into tears and got hysterical. She said, “Why won’t you ask me to marry you? I need you so bad and I want us living under the same roof. I love you so much and would do anything or go anywhere to be married to you. What is your problem and what are you afraid of?”  I told her (like I had several times before) that her unwillingness to seek help for her issues is what was holding me up. I told her I learned from my last marriage that unresolved issues brought into a marriage also become the problems of the new spouse and the children as well. I told her there were some things that I needed to address within myself, but that I would stand with her until we got all of that sorted out. Her children also have significant emotional issues, and I told her it concerned me that she wasn’t getting help for them even though she acknowledged their issues.  Then she proceeded to tell me that “She didn’t need a counselor. I’m fine! Counselors don’t work for me. This is just the way I am, and I just deal with it.”  I disagreed and suggested that maybe we try couples counseling to see if that could help us. She seemed surprised by that but said to see what I could find. As she was walking out the door she said “I just need a break for a couple of days. Go ahead and call me, but in the meantime you know what you need to do to get me back” (give me the engagement ring).  She also made some odd remark about how she “never wanted to resent me” right before she left my house.
I followed up the next day with an email to her stating that I loved her and wanted to be with her, however, we needed to sort out the issues prior to marriage. She never replied to that email. I’ve learned recently through my own counseling that the thought of entering counseling with all of her unresolved issues would be like jumping into a pit of fire for her. She did admit to me prior to the breakup that she didn’t want to see a counselor because she “just didn’t want to deal with everything.” I tried  a handful of times to call her or to go and see her, but each time she said that she didn’t have the energy to talk to me and couldn’t deal with it.
We finally had a two hour phone conversation about 5 days later. For the first part of the conversation, she was very blaming towards me and stated “I’m all alone with two kids and I am scared. You do nothing but drag me down. I don’t need that and you no longer make me happy.” I really didn’t know what to say other than I’m really sorry you feel that way. She settled down for the last half of the conversation, and it was more productive. We agreed to try counseling again to see if we could work things out. Secretly I hoped by going to couples therapy it might give her some incentive to try individual counseling again. We wrapped up the phone call and agreed to talk again in the next couple of days, and we exchanged texts in between that. I talked to her on the following Tuesday, and she said that we’d talk more later. I tried texting her the following Friday evening to see if I could call her and got no answer until Saturday morning.
She answered me back with text saying that she was sorry about not answering the previous night and that she “was out with an old friend” and that they “road around for hours and had dinner” Long story short, it was her rebound guy that she had a fling with after she filed for divorce and left her husband. I asked her if that’s who it was, and she never denied it. I told her I hurt me she was out two weeks after our breakup, especially since we talked about trying to work things out with counseling, etc. She said she wasn’t interested in dating someone at this time and just wanted to get out of the house. Then she proceeded to accuse me of doing nothing to make things right between us. Apparently she forgot about the email, text messages, and phone calls that went unanswered by her and also the fact that I’d asked her to meet with me at least three times. After that she basically said that we were no longer compatible and stated that she wanted to do so many new things that I would probably be afraid to try then proceeded to tell me that she “wanted to move all around and would like to eventually leave the state.” This was a sharp contrast to our recent discussions about her wanting to settle down and purchase another home that we could call our own so her kids could have stability. Her impulsive thoughts caught me off guard, and I asked her to clarify them for me and said that I didn’t understand how she could call me her soulmate, the man of her dreams, the best man that she ever dated, and wonderful (her nickname for me),  then turn around and tell me all of this. When I asked her why her opinion of me changed virtually overnight, she never did answer my questions. All she could say was “I don’t have the energy for that, I can’t answer any more questions, and I don’t have anything left to say now.” However, she stated that she’d like us to be friends. I didn’t even reply to that remark.  I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and in the face.
We never spoke again after all of that happened, but she continued to like my posts on social media. She has apparently continued to date this rebound guy, and she professed her relationship with him on social media a little over a month ago. I removed her and all of our pictures from my social media before she professed her relationship with him at the suggestion of my counselor. All of her family has been very kind to me and keeps in touch. One family member stated to me, “This is all such a shame because you are a wonderful man.” Her father spoke to me personally and told me there was nothing wrong with wanting to sort out issues prior to marriage and stated that his daughter “had a lot of baggage.” Her mother also told me that her daughter “wouldn’t have survived the last two years without me in her life.” The way things happened at the end it made me feel like she treated our relationship like it was a joke to her by the way she tossed me aside and went back to her rebound guy. She and I have a mutual friend that acknowledges my ex-g/f has serious issues. They talk fairly often, and she told me that my ex broke up with me “because he won’t commit to me, and I’m just not going to date someone forever. Our relationship was wonderful. He is a wonderful man, but I am no longer going to wait on him.” She asked my ex why she ran out and started dating someone two weeks later, and she told her “I just have issues being alone. I’m not going to sit around the house being alone and miserable.”
Apparently since the breakup, her daughter has been having issues and has been exhibiting self-harm by cutting on herself.  This child has never known her own father and harbors a lot of grief and rejection.   The last I heard she was going to try and find a counselor for her, but hasn’t followed through with that either. That breaks my heart. I pray that she gets her daughter (and herself) help before something terrible happens. Right now, through therapy I’m trying to let all of this go and realize that this is no longer my problem. It wasn’t until a month ago that I realized I was in a codependent relationship.  I can’t own their issues any longer, as it has dragged me down into a deep dark hole. I’ve got to take care of myself and my own child. I just wish my ex-g/f could have been healthy, as I think we really could have made something good out of our relationship with more normal circumstances.  I truly loved her, and I hope that she actually loved me in return and meant most of the wonderful things she said to me. It’s my guess that she loved me the best she could in the capacity that she knows what love is even though all of it wasn’t a healthy love.
Thanks for listening to my story. Once again, I’m sorry for rambling on.  I’m hoping for better times in the near future.



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brighter future

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken up
Posts: 10


« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2020, 08:37:07 AM »

I had another session last night with my counselor. In this session, I told her that I found this forum less than a week ago and how it's been such a big help to me. Reading all of your testimonies has shown me that I'm not alone in the loss of my relationship. Now I don't sit around and beat myself up about why my ex-g/f did what she did in regards to our breakup. By reading the various testimonies in here, this seems to be a typical pattern of people with this disorder: Abandon your loved one before they abandon you, then move on as quickly as possible to find your next caretaker/co-dependent. My counselor said this pattern of disfunctional relationships is going to continue with her and not to be surprised if she tries to pick me up again on a rebound some day. This might be true as she told me that she wanted to remain friends. I am working with the counselor to learn how to deal with that if and when it happens.

I see my ex-g/f in passing often as her parents live next door to me. About a week or so ago, she was out in their yard while visiting. I happened to be outside at the same time. She made direct eye contact with me, then smiled and waved like I was her best friend. I could not muster a smile for her, just a very quick wave. By reading the forum, I see that many of you have been contacted frequently by your ex after the breakup. That happened to me a handful of times between our breakup and the time that my ex reconnected with her rebound. During those times, she would usually text me at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning while I was asleep saying that she missed me and wanted to talk. I now see that as some sort of control issue.  Once she hooked up with the rebound two weeks after the break up, that stopped since he was apparently  meeting her needs for attention. The only thing that continued was her liking a lot of my social media posts before I unfriended her and deleted all of our photos together off of my page. Friends and family have told me that all of our pictures together still exist on her social media page. I find that odd that they're still there since she has professed her relationship with the rebound guy on social media. If I was him, I think I'd be a bit miffed knowing that the photos of her and I were still on her social media page.

The thing that is helping me move forward and letting her go a little bit each day is knowing that I'm much better off being out of that unhealthy, destructive cycle. In my therapy session last evening, my therapist told me (after reviewing emails and text messages from the ex) that I was being manipulated, emotionally, sexually, and financially by my ex. I just keep telling myself that the pain of the breakup is much less devastating than it would have been if I would have married her with all of her issues. My therapist said she would have made my life a living hell if I was married to my ex. I noted in one of my posts above that my ex told me a couple of times that she "didn't want to resent me." My therapist told me last night that would have changed the minute I gave her a ring and said "I do." I would have most likely been resented for everything under the sun. I hope that one day she finally figures out that she needs help and seeks it out. Another issue that's greatly hampering her is the fact that she quit taking all of her meds. Just like therapy, she said she doesn't need the meds either and "feels better without them."
« Last Edit: July 02, 2020, 08:50:55 AM by brighter future » Logged
Goosey

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorcing
Posts: 11


« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2020, 08:06:12 PM »

Sorry for your present dilemma.
You are being very patient and seem to be trying very hard to be proactive and supportive yet (rightly) assertive. 
   I have to say whimsically that If anyone calls me their “soulmate” again all I will hear are fire alarms.
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Palinurus

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Married (for now)
Posts: 23


« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2020, 08:14:57 PM »

Yep. Ditto for “true love”
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brighter future

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken up
Posts: 10


« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2020, 08:10:55 AM »

Sorry for your present dilemma.
You are being very patient and seem to be trying very hard to be proactive and supportive yet (rightly) assertive.  
   I have to say whimsically that If anyone calls me their “soulmate” again all I will hear are fire alarms.

Thanks for your reply and support, Goosey. I definitely hear you on the "soulmate" thing. Let's not forget about "you're the man of my dreams" as well. She said most of these things to me in front of our kids and while we were alone throughout our relationship. She kept this stuff up right until the very end while at the same time being frustrated that I wouldn't propose to her. When everything went down with the breakup and with her on to the rebound guy two weeks later, I told her why the sudden change of heart. She couldn't answer my question but could only say "I don't have the energy for that. I can't answer any questions and don't have anything to say right now."  My guess is that she truly didn't know either.  

She's so impulsive and needs someone level headed to keep her reined in so she doesn't make stupid choices. About a month before the breakup, she was pressuring for engagement right away. Once again, I mentioned the personal issues that we needed to sort out as well as finding a bigger place to live for the five of us. She said that I just needed to "take a leap of faith and take a risk. We both want this, so let's just do it." It's common practice for her to leap into things head first without thinking things through thoroughly. Most of those things, she never even finishes and gives up. Her parents have bailed her out on and off for most of her life and even funded her divorce from her ex-husband two years ago (my ex-wife was the same way).

I learned yesterday that she's on vacation alone with her rebound guy without her kids in a mountain cabin for three days. We were intimate on and off throughout our relationship, but she would never go out on getaways like that alone with me until we were married because she said that wouldn't be setting a good example for our kids (we did take vacations with the kids together though). It baffles me how she will be impulsive and go away alone with the rebound but wouldn't with me. When she was in a healthy state of mind and making good choices, she always told me that she wanted to "do our relationship the right way" and that she "didn't want our relationship to be like her past relationships" that were apparently based on sex and manipulation. I think that's what she's got going on again with the rebound guy. Their relationship two years ago was based on sex and manipulation, so there's no reason to believe it's any different. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she was still talking to the other 3 guys from high school all while she's dating Mr. Rebound. She has a hard time leaving people in the past. The very last time we talked she said that she wanted to be friends. My guess is that she wants to keep the door slightly open to try and recycle me if she ever needs to. I can't go through that again with her or anyone else. The pain of being alone is far less than all of the hurt that I went through with her. Losing her was harder on me than the divorce was with my BPD ex-wife.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2020, 08:17:14 AM by brighter future » Logged
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