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Author Topic: I don't see this getting better I just see it ending.  (Read 419 times)
Nyena

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 3


« on: July 05, 2020, 02:05:48 AM »

I really need help and support right now. Recently my aunt brought a book ”Walking on eggshells” to my families attention
and it hit a little too close to home.  My mom is the BP in our family and it's tearing us apart she screams abuses at us and then sleeps and won't eat for days on end and has recently survived her second suicide attempt. Is there any hope I don't see this getting better I just see it ending. We used to be super close but now she just blames me for everything and uses my name as a synonym for ”being a drain” she has been hospitalized once already for an overdose of Klonopin but has threatened to divorce dad and kill herself she begs us to let her go we've tried everything she has the best therapist in the world who called her without an appointment on the 4th of July from out of state but my mom refused to talk to her. We are to the point where we are scared if she wakes up. Dad can't sleep in his own bed because she has all the blankets and doesn't want to wake her up. Where do we go? Will it be like this forever?  I don't know how much more I can take
« Last Edit: July 06, 2020, 03:12:59 PM by Harri, Reason: changed title pursuant to guideline 1.5 » Logged
Methuen
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1732


« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2020, 01:33:52 AM »

Hi Nyena,

This sounds like a really rough patch you've gone through, and are still going through.  You've come to a really good supportive place.  There are people here with varying levels of knowledge and experience, but we all share one thing in common, and that's a pwBPD, and we are all supportive of each other.  It sounds like your mom is in a super precarious mental health state.  That of course is affecting the rest of you in the family.  I'm glad you've found us. 

Your experience is quite different than mine has been, so I feel limited in what I can offer.  My mom had one patch where she was talking about suicide, but she never had a plan, so I have no experience with actual suicide attempts from my mom.

It sounds like you have an aunt who has a grasp of the situation if she brought you a copy of Stop Walking on Eggshells.  That's good.  At least there's one family member who "gets it".  Is she your mom's sister, or sister-in-law?

It sounds like you live with your mom.  Is that correct? 

Does your mom have a family doctor?  Is s/he aware of what is happening with your mom, and how this is affecting the rest of the family?  I ask, because when my mom was going off the deep end, I made an appointment to go visit my mom's doctor to tell him what was happening.  Because of doctor/patient confidentiality, I knew he probably wouldn't be able to discuss my mom with me, but he listened very attentively, and I believe I "connected a lot of dots" for him.  He was very sympathetic, and gave me extremely good advice.  The appointment turned out to be more about my well-being than my mom's, but at that point the well-being of both of us was wrapped up together.  Is visiting either your, or your mom's family doctor, something you could try, if you haven't already done this? 

Have you ever seen a counsellor or therapist?

There are also suicide hot lines you could call for expert advice, if you are concerned about her well-being.  And of course, if you believe she is in imminent danger because of possible suicide attempt, call the ambulance (again). 

You mention she recently survived her second suicide attempt.  Do you know if there was any kind of "after care plan" for her when she was released from hospital?

Have you already found the resources and info on this site?  Here's one on suicide, just in case you haven't...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69192.0

Hopefully other's here with more experience around suicidal pwBPD see your post.

Let us know how we can be most helpful.








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Nyena

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2020, 02:19:36 AM »

I pretty much live with my mom there is always something going on and I need to be at her house to help. We see the same therapist who is amazing and a trauma specialist so she knows both sides of the coin.  I just feel like we've done all we can. Her safety plan was to take a break from work and do therapy and garden but she keeps getting dragged back to work. She has mentioned day programs but she always flip flops on her willingness to go and says that DBT is a joke and won't do it. We don't know how to help her anymore. Every night I'm terrified of not knowing what mood she is going to wake up in. How do I get her to try new therapies?  She says she's tried it all. I know this doesn't exist but I just want someone to say ”Follow steps 1-5 and she will be happy and normal again” because I'm lost and that doesn't seem possible. I'm only 21 I shouldn't have to go check on my mom to see if she's still breathing or if she's finally OD I don't know how much more I can take. My brother and my sister have already run away and I want to stay but I don't think I'm far behind.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 02:25:22 AM by Nyena » Logged
Harri
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 5981



« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2020, 01:03:53 PM »

Hi and welcome.  I am sorry for what you are dealing with.  It sounds very stressful and upsetting.

You mentioned your mom has a safety plan that included her not going to work but she is not following that.  I assume it is a plan she developed with her therapist?  Can you sit down and come up with a new plan, one that is geared specifically for when she is suicidal or overdoses but is for you and your dad?  Have you discussed that with your T (therapist)?  Managing your own emotions and taking care of yourself, is I think, vital.  Your mom has support and a plan (though it may need some tweaking with her T).  I think you need the same.   Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

What sort of things do you currently do when your mom is suicidal?   Do you know if the doctors did a medical evaluation on her when she was in the hospital?  I am wondering if she is on the appropriate meds (assuming she is on any and is compliant)?

Have you had a chance to read our suicide Ideation protocol?  It is found at the bottom of almost every page on the site but I will link it here for you too: https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info3.htm
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Methuen
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1732


« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2020, 10:41:47 PM »

Hi Nyena,

Excerpt
I don't know how much more I can take. My brother and my sister have already run away and I want to stay but I don't think I'm far behind.

It sounds like you are overwhelmed with the burden of your mom's emotional issues right now.  You are right, that at 21, it's not something you can "fix" for her.  In fact, it sounds like your dad hasn't been able to "fix" her either right? ...and he's the adult with life experience!  No one can "fix" someone else.  That is going to take a team effort between herself, her doctors, and her T.  

While you are feeling like this, you won't be able to help her, so the best way you can help her, is to help yourself by getting your own fears and emotions back on a more even keel.  In an airplane, they always tell a parent to put on their own oxygen mask before they try to put the mask on their young child or infant.  i.e. we have to look after our own well-being before we are able to help someone else.  Does that make sense?  

What can you do to look after yourself right now?  

Do you practice deep-breathing?  Meditation?  Prayer?  Group therapy?  Physical activity?  Or even seeing your GP for a consult and advice about how to manage your feelings with your mom?  

What things have you tried that work for you?

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