My BPD gf left me and say i was too good for her, how can i get her back ?

[RichardLover55]

She also told me that I deserve better and that if she would not leave me I would have done it myself, in addition she said that she no longer loves me when 2 hours before she swore to love me ! What does it mean ? She try to manipulate me to came back after a couple of months ? Its been 25 days since she broke up with me, and we haven't heard from each other since, we are in the same class at school. We were inseparable, I'm upset... I still lover her, please let me know what is the best way to to get his attention again? She ignores me, she looks like another person. I stop watching her stories on social media, i'm try to do no contact but I don't know if it's going to work. I'm afraid to make things worse if I send her messages. When charm might happen ?

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[Mutt]

Hi RichardLover55,

She also told me that I deserve better and that if she would not leave me I would have done it myself, in addition she said that she no longer loves me when 2 hours before she swore to love me ! What does it mean ?

She’s testing you, don’t chase her that’s the fastest way to get her back. I agree with no contact and don’t send her messages.

[RichardLover55]

Hi RichardLover55,

She’s testing you, don’t chase her that’s the fastest way to get her back. I agree with no contact and don’t send her messages.

Hello, and thank you for the answer ! Do you think she contact me before the school starting in september ? She keeps watching my stories on social media, but I don't do it anymore. At first, immediately after she had left me, she wrote me a message about school, I didn't answer her and she had me insulted by a friend, probably because my father attacked her on message for leaving me, I apologized for my father because she was angry. At which point I sent her a message but she denied everything, . I reiterated my feelings to her but she stood firm on her decision, from that moment on I never heard from her again, she ignores me copletely.

[RichardLover55]

We are in the same class at school.

[Mutt]

Give her space and let her come to you. If she’s talking to you I’d suggest to not bring anything up that’s a hard question. It’s hard to face that stuff it’s unpleasant.

I’m not defending it but what I’m saying is it’s hard when your gf or exgf is not contacting you and feelings build up and you want to address that but if they left you and you’re trying to get answers and it’s something to do with your personality or a habit or something that you did and your response is “What do you mean? “ when they answer you now you’re forcing her to get into it, is that fun?

Be light, be jokingly, and as far as when there’s a good chance that you’ll hear from her before or definitely when s ho starts but do t push her away by messaging her etc.

[RichardLover55]

Give her space and let her come to you. If she’s talking to you I’d suggest to not bring anything up that’s a hard question. It’s hard to face that stuff it’s unpleasant.

I’m not defending it but what I’m saying is it’s hard when your gf or exgf is not contacting you and feelings build up and you want to address that but if they left you and you’re trying to get answers and it’s something to do with your personality or a habit or something that you did and your response is “What do you mean? “ when they answer you now you’re forcing her to get into it, is that fun?

Be light, be jokingly, and as far as when there’s a good chance that you’ll hear from her before or definitely when s ho starts but do t push her away by messaging her etc.

Let's hope she shows up, I do not understand why she behaved like this, of course she put me in great difficulty because she dismissed me out of nowhere and threw 8 months of love in an instant. I've seen her seeing friends and she seems happy, even though I know she's not. I'm afraid it's over forever, it's the first time I've dealt with a borderline person.

[Flightfar]

I have a pretty similar situation to yours. My BPD boyfriend said the day before the breakup that he loved me more than anything, then next day he said he didn't love me anymore and blocked me. It will soon be two months since he did that.

I think I have pushed him farther away from me by sending messages. So I recommend giving your girlfriend time and space. It may be that sending messages to her make the situation worse...

[RichardLover55]

I have a pretty similar situation to yours. My BPD boyfriend said the day before the breakup that he loved me more than anything, then next day he said he didn't love me anymore and blocked me. It will soon be two months since he did that.

I think I have pushed him farther away from me by sending messages. So I recommend giving your girlfriend time and space. It may be that sending messages to her make the situation worse...

She didn't block me, but she's been missing from my life, zero messages for a month.
We only texted once the next day, but it continued to be cold and detached.

[Mutt]

We only texted once the next day, but it continued to be cold and detached.

Borderline or not give it time. How we’re her feelings about ayou in your last interaction?If she had nothing but negative thoughts about you which it sounds like she did if she were cold and detached you need to give it time for the positive thoughts about you to come back. If you’re texting her and pressing her on the issue which is not what I am implying, I’m using it as an example you’re making it more difficult on yourself because you’re not giving her a chance for those positive thoughts about you to come back. The negative feelings are not always going to be there eventually positive feelings will come back but it will take time and to help that process you give her space, give her a chance to test you by texting you something that’s unrelated and not ask her hard questions immediately when she’s trying to engage you.

Think of it this way, think of her as a car she purrs up agains you wanting attention for awhile and then she’ll go off and wander the neighborhood and eventually she’ll come back and want your attention. Let her be, she’s out roaming the neighborhood eventually she’ll come back if you’re not making it hard for her to come back. Within that time frame focus on yourself and reflect on what happened. Is there something that you did that you should work on? Do self work during this period.

[RichardLover55]

Borderline or not give it time. How we’re her feelings about ayou in your last interaction?If she had nothing but negative thoughts about you which it sounds like she did if she were cold and detached you need to give it time for the positive thoughts about you to come back. If you’re texting her and pressing her on the issue which is not what I am implying, I’m using it as an example you’re making it more difficult on yourself because you’re not giving her a chance for those positive thoughts about you to come back. The negative feelings are not always going to be there eventually positive feelings will come back but it will take time and to help that process you give her space, give her a chance to test you by texting you something that’s unrelated and not ask her hard questions immediately when she’s trying to engage you.

Think of it this way, think of her as a car she purrs up agains you wanting attention for awhile and then she’ll go off and wander the neighborhood and eventually she’ll come back and want your attention. Let her be, she’s out roaming the neighborhood eventually she’ll come back if you’re not making it hard for her to come back. Within that time frame focus on yourself and reflect on what happened. Is there something that you did that you should work on? Do self work during this period.

The last time I heard her she said she didn't want to hurt me and that she was sorry but at the same time she didn't want to be with me anymore because she didn't feel love anymore. For now, I've cut off all contact, even watching her stories on social media.

[RichardLover55]

Well, I don't know. I've probably been negative, unfortunately I'm having a bad time, I'm not working. It may be that it was this, or the fact that I showed her too much love, she literally ran away from me ! I didn't miss anything, I cuddled her, listened to her, etc. And yet it didn't help to make her understand how much I cared about her, I was ready to help her on a possible psychological path and she knew it well.

[Flightfar]

After the breakup, I received very hostile and cold messages from my boyfriend. He said, among other things, that he is not good enough for me and I should find a new boyfriend. Now I haven't received a single message from him in almost a month. I made the mistake of chasing him but now I've stopped sending messages to him.

I'm pretty sure that your girlfriend is testing you. You can't say this for sure, but very likely she will come back to you...

I understand very well your frustration and confusion about the situation... It definitely is not easy.

[RichardLover55]

After the breakup, I received very hostile and cold messages from my boyfriend. He said, among other things, that he is not good enough for me and I should find a new boyfriend. Now I haven't received a single message from him in almost a month. I made the mistake of chasing him but now I've stopped sending messages to him.

I'm pretty sure that your girlfriend is testing you. You can't say this for sure, but very likely she will come back to you...

I understand very well your frustration and confusion about the situation... It definitely is not easy.

She said to me more or less the same words, "I'm not the right girl for you, you'll be happy with another girl, I suck". I don't know what to expect from her, I just know that in September we will have to see each other again, I hoped that she would get closer to me first because being in class with her that ignores me would be very painful for me.

[Flightfar]

Yep, you can never know for sure what to except in these situations... I don’t know what to expect from my boyfriend either...
All you know for sure is that you have to take care of yourself and that time helps.

[Mutt]

She said to me more or less the same words, "I'm not the right girl for you, you'll be happy with another girl, I suck".

She’s testing to see if you’re going to leave her for someone else.

[RichardLover55]

She’s testing to see if you’re going to leave her for someone else.

How long do these behaviors usually last?

[RichardLover55]

Yep, you can never know for sure what to except in these situations... I don’t know what to expect from my boyfriend either...
All you know for sure is that you have to take care of yourself and that time helps.

Thank you, for sure !