Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
September 27, 2024, 08:59:27 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Things we can't ignore
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
93
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Feeling like it's all happening again
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Feeling like it's all happening again (Read 371 times)
Holly16
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2
Feeling like it's all happening again
«
on:
July 16, 2020, 08:03:29 PM »
Hello. I have been married to a man with undiagnosed BPD for 20 years (last week we celebrated our anniversary). He and I have a 15 year old daughter. We have been separated two times. The first was 13 years ago and lasted 1 year. The second time was 10 years ago and lasted almost 2 years. So we have been together continuously now for 8 years. With the first separation I was in shock and couldn't believe that it was happening, so jumped back into the relationship when nothing had really changed. The second time I accepted the reality of the situation and was ready to move on. This time I embraced being on my own. My husband did a lot of soul searching and in many ways it felt like he had "grown out of" BPD. We have had a much better relationship over the last 8 years. I felt like what worked for me was that I completely stopped trying to change him. I also felt much more independent and happy on my own, so I stopped looking to him to define me. I feel like the fact that I didn't jump back into things gave me a chance to learn to accept him and it gave him a chance to really realize how much he appreciated me and our daughter, and he was able to do a lot of growing up.
One thing he used to do was to always threaten to leave me. And he hasn't done this at all over the last 8 years. Last Friday we were driving back from a really lovely trip away, and he completely lost it over something that to me seems completely silly.
He got upset because my daughter and I had to go to the bathroom after having dinner. I admittedly did not react well and told him that was ridiculous, and it's perfectly reasonable in an 8 hour drive to use the bathroom more than once. That put him over the edge and he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days. He has slept on the couch for 2 nights in a row and has basically set up camp there to let me know that this is his new sleeping arrangement. He specifically knows that him sleeping on the couch is terribly triggering to me given our history. And it really feels like it's happening all over again. And who would have ever thought it would be because I had to go to the bathroom and somehow that made him feel disrespected. This feels very much like it used to feel where he would split me black on a regular basis and then go days without talking to me. But this hadn't happened for years.
A few other things to note, he is from another country and he always says he wants to go back to his country at some point in the next five years or so. And secondly, we were planning to put an offer on a new condo this week. He told me this morning that he wanted to cancel the appointment with the realtor which I did. I wonder if the 20 year anniversary, the possibility of buying a condo and having a really nice weekend was too much to deal with, and somehow made him feel trapped. I'm not interested in going back to the way things used to be. Wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of "relapse" after a number of good years, and how you might suggest I deal with it. Thanks so much for reading my long post.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Football2000
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken heart
Posts: 93
Re: Feeling like it's all happening again
«
Reply #1 on:
July 17, 2020, 10:31:41 AM »
It certainly sounds like he was triggered by something. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you, but I just want to say that I've recently experienced a very strong relapse from my partner and it is very disconcerting.
Logged
Holly16
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2
Re: Feeling like it's all happening again
«
Reply #2 on:
July 18, 2020, 04:53:54 AM »
Quote from: Football2000 on July 17, 2020, 10:31:41 AM
It certainly sounds like he was triggered by something. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you, but I just want to say that I've recently experienced a very strong relapse from my partner and it is very disconcerting.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Feeling like it's all happening again
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...