Hi everyone,
I'm new on this so bare with me. I've been reading some posts similar to my experience of having a partner with BPD but i'm at the stage where we're both really hitting rock bottom!
We've been together for over a year and he was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago. I knew something wasn't right with the way he was acting and the things he would say so i we went to the doctors and a mental health nurse (who were useless) so ended up reffering him to services myself. This was where he was diagnosed, the psychiatrist prescribed him Quietipine which he only took for a couple of weeks and then stopped. The doc also just reffered him to anger management which we then had to apply for and that was it..no other help offered. So, of course my partner didn't do that. I've tried to encourage him to go back to the pyschiatrist or reffer himself back to these services but says he doesn't want to because he doesn't trust any of them and feel he is spiralling out of control with his mood swings and paranoia. He can't hold down a job, he lost the place where he was living at so he moved in with me and my family. Things have just got so much worse and i am really struggling to cope!
I work in the ambulance service so yes it's long shifts and a demanding job. I was doing this job before i met him but he's now telling me he hates my job and can't stand the fact i work with other men. I know he's insecure and fearful that i will abandon him for one of my work colleagues so always try to reassure him but have to keep reminding him that i don't have any control over who i work with and my shifts. There are days i finish late because of the nature of my job but i get accused of having affairs or i skipped the day off work to spend it with another man because i finished late but really it's because i've just done a job on a traumatic car accident or just because there's a long wait at hospitals.
I have been put on a course with work to promote up to the next level so it does require me staying away at times, lots of workbooks to do and my shifts being a bit more manic because i'm being mentored. He has come to stay with me when i've travelled away for this course.
On a daily basis, i'm being accused of lying to him, hiding things or talking to other men. I get called horrendous names, lots of verbal abuse and has said some really nasty things. We've been out in public where he has embarressed me by calling me names and shouting so it attracts others attention. I feel like everything is my fault and he has told me i am making him ill and he has lost everything because of me. But when he's calm and in a good mood, he is great and love spending time with him but when somethings upset him, he takes it out on me. I'm made to feel guilty for wanting to see friends, i invite him out with us and he says no, he hates my friends, my work colleagues and even my gym instructor.
I've tried reading up about his condition and how to help but finding it difficult, i find it hard to cope and stay calm at times.
I have never cheated on anyone in my life or done anything behind anyones back so i'm confused why he believes i'm doing this, he doesn't trust me at all and believes i'm against him when all i want to do is try to help.
I'm starting therapy myself soon but he refuses to get help. I feel like it's me that is the problem, causing all these problems.
So much more has happened but it's a lot to write
Can someone help me or direct me to some help please?
