I'm at the end of my tether with my partner and so confused

[Hinckley]

Hi, I'm 52 yo male, partner is 42. Have been together for 4 years. We moved in together nearly 12 months ago and it's all going horribly wrong. Prior to living together we had good times and bad but there were some worrying signs (anger, sudden mood shifts for no reason, erratic plans, etc) Since living together, she wants "space", especially since my daughter (18) came back home to live (long story) She now does't feel comfortable to be home. My Partner's mum is a psychiatrist and had told me on the side she feels my partner has bps. Most of her family have withdrawn from her (including her own daughter) because they are exhausted by the drama. Happy to take any perceptives

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[Mutt]

Hi Hinckley,  



I'd like to welcome you to the family. I'm glad that you decided to join us. I like how you described the push / pull behaviour with a pwBPD - BPD can be incredibly confusing with how a pwBPD treat you one minute and treat you completely different then next and how it can be completely unrelated to what is actually going on. You described impulsive behaviours with a pwBPD and another aspect of a BPD is feeling engulfed in a r/s. You'll find an excellent discussion here that will explain how a pwBPD feel like their sense of self is being annihilated from the closeness of a r/s.

Engulfment is a very alien concept to a Non because we never have to face the loss of self, under any circumstances. For a pwBPD, that is a real perceived threat. When the fear of engulfment is triggered, that's one event where the hurtful tools are employed---raging, silent treatment, marginalization of the Non, etc

Topic: BEHAVIORS: Fear of engulfment

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