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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: 4 Weeks Since I Left - Update  (Read 156 times)
MrRight
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« on: October 14, 2020, 03:21:51 PM »

It has been just over 4 weeks. I have re-united with my mother and now have my own flat literally 50 metres from where she is living. I go there for some of my meals so we do stay in touch a lot.

We have this messy business of having to sell the family home and use the proceeds to buy her a flat in the same city where her son studies - she also has some business there so it makes sense.

We had an offer on the house and she asked me to take her up to view some properties. I did not like this plan but frankly the purchase is such an important thing and as its my money doing the buying I felt I could not say no.

I promised to take her up early Saturday morning and deliver her back very late the same day. On the way up she said the best of the properties - the one where she was pinning most of her hopes - was not available to view on Saturday but only Sunday. She had booked a hotel for us but if I could not make it that was that.

Now - I had big plans for Sunday - VERY special plans. I know I probably should avoid dating but I happened by chance to meet a lovely woman and we were supposed to be spending that day in the countryside. For the first time in 20 plus years I was actually starting to feel excited about life. However - I gritted my teeth and agreed to stay over and look at the flat. It was just too important - I did not want to have to do this wretched journey again. So I cancelled my date and stayed over - same hotel same bed! She basically pestered me the whole time and used every art she could think of to get me to change my mind. It was a dreadful weekend - not one I would want ever to repeat. She had promised not to do this! Well the Sunday flat was better than the others and we made an offer. I then had the awful task of getting her home - 6 hour drive. I had to promise to think it all over and let her know. Of course I contacted her the next day and said I had thought and the answer was no. She thinks my mother had poisoned me against her. She seems to be living in some odd reality where she is downplaying all the toxicity that was between us and all the violence etc. Im glad I stayed firm. My mum was angry with me when she realised I had spent the weekend with her.

Well it is not over yet as I need to get to the house to take more stuff and help with preparing it for the buyers. So I am going over on Friday to do this and some legal stuff. It wont be as bad as being stuck in the car with her for 12 hours plus 2 days. She seems now to have accepted we are not getting back together.

I will keep you posted.

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GaGrl
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
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« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2020, 05:14:32 PM »

And this is called "experiential learning." Sometimes we just don't learn until we live through the experience.

So now you know she will not keep to her promises regarding, oh...anything related to your coming back. That must have been a miserable weekend.

Is there anyone you can take with you to do the work needed at the house? She may not have accepted it is over and is just taking a breather.

All in all, how are you feeling about things.

The fact that you didn't cave after the weekend experience is a huge step!
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
MrRight
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 354


« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2020, 06:10:58 PM »

And this is called "experiential learning." Sometimes we just don't learn until we live through the experience.

So now you know she will not keep to her promises regarding, oh...anything related to your coming back. That must have been a miserable weekend.

Is there anyone you can take with you to do the work needed at the house? She may not have accepted it is over and is just taking a breather.

All in all, how are you feeling about things.

The fact that you didn't cave after the weekend experience is a huge step!

There is nobody I can take - but I feel safe in going - except it will be uncomfortable. She will probably insist on hugging me for example. I keep telling myself - do anything - just dont agree to come back.

The worst thing is she uses our son - saying its a nightmare for him. He has privately told me not to go back FGS. But I cant say this to her. Im not quite sure what he is saying to her.

I feel good about things - it was at this stage I went back last year - but now we have sold the house - a huge plus. I am going on Friday - will let you know what happens.

She has negotiated a better financial maintenance settlement than I feel entirely comfortable with - but I will wait until after she moves before coming back to this. I can live on 1000 pounds a month INCLUDING rent - she needs this sum and wont have any rent to pay. I think she is doing her best to make it financially tought hoping I will come crawling back.

I dont want to go down the legal route just yet - I will save a lot of money when the house is sold. I have stopped paying the mortgage - she doesnt know this.
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GaGrl
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« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2020, 09:23:38 PM »

You might want to go onto the Legal board to discuss your financial settlement options. You don't have to give her life-long maintenance.
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
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