It’s amazing how much ..
the song remains the same… Been there, if at a later age, but the same stuff, all of it. First, there is no safety in a FWB’s r/s with someone constantly on the prowl. But, a very good time to get to know a healthy, normal girl, willing to take the appropriate time and precautions developing a r/s.
BPD mates are like a drug, artificial, limited duration, dangerous, expensive, and addictive.
The mindset: unstable, unreal, dangerous. They’ve a limited tool box, pretend to be someone they’re not, addict you with sex/ love, continue to seek future fixes, threaten to move on. That’s it.
Straight -- it’s an incurable mental illness. No matter how much we care or love them, their condition and behavior can rarely if ever change. I’m convinced, from an early age they recognize their problem, thus begin formulating behavior that allows them to get as far as they can. Tragically, that behavior includes using and hurting others.
They target well. We, with empathy, become Bulls Eyes. And, it’s great! Until - and this is of critical importance to you - you expect them to take the next relational step. Yes, they can agree to all forms of commitment … but the problem is, they’re incapable of functioning at that level. You, however, are.
My experience came far later in life, and my maturity kept me from becoming as connected as I may have. We did not marry, as her requests constantly bounced from FWB - to marriage
Reading, learning, and responding to posts here exhibit behavior so identical … it’s hard to believe. But as we are the secondary victims of BPD (they are the primary), our pain is very similar. I had an adult coworker literally shove me against a car and kick me in the butt for my continuing r/s with a BPD mate - and I was in my fifties!
OK - your pool of potentials remains vast - use it! The ramifications of remaining in a BPD r/s at your age are devastating. Knowledge helped me, so fill up on it … reading umpteen near-identical descriptions of BPD behavior around here assured me that escaping was essential.
Detox. With Covid in the air, a good opportunity. Focus on stability, a mate capable of growing with you, not just ‘mirroring,’ but matching your abilities. They will appear cautious, slow, perhaps boring -- but they’re not. They merely require a key, the difficult, complex key of life you should be crafting right now.
Fatherly advice
