Attachment styles

[Depression = 72% of members]

My birthday was a couple weeks ago and she managed to make it the worst one I’ve ever had. She avoids me and has been for four weeks. I call to say hello last night and get a reading on her and I’m verbally abused. I’m emotionally abused by the silent treatment. Today is her birthday. I was planning on flying into town today and bringing her gifts and whatnot depending on last nights call (even though I think her treatment of me doesn’t deserve it). But when I called last night and was super kind after not speaking for a full five days she cursed me out. Told me she wanted a divorce. Then hung up/blocked my number. I send her a happy birthday text from a texting app this morning and she gives me a bunch of grief for not being there and tells me she’s all alone. Every relationship in her life is on rocks right now. Very logical to me why.

I read the book attached and it explains so much as to what’s happening between us. I Highly recommend it. She is an avoidant attachment style. I’m anxious attachment style from growing up with (very taxing on my parents) disabled younger brother. So I feel the need for security within my relationships to a fault. When things go south I get bad anxiety and try to please her or do whatever to fix the marriage. Which is my own stuff I need to deal with. She then avoids me in every way but sexually for weeks on end. I tried to gently share this book with her and what I’m learning about myself and I’m told “I’m going to be a therapist in less than a year. It’s insulting you would bring this stuff up to me. I read 20 articles a day on psychology” which is frightening to me tbh that someone who is so disregulated can be helping others. It’s also concerning that she doesn’t even begin to take accountability for the things she brings into our marriage. She told me she wants a divorce. I’m really thinking I should take her up on that.

[Spam591]

My birthday was a couple weeks ago and she managed to make it the worst one I’ve ever had. She avoids me and has been for four weeks. I call to say hello last night and get a reading on her and I’m verbally abused. I’m emotionally abused by the silent treatment. Today is her birthday. I was planning on flying into town today and bringing her gifts and whatnot depending on last nights call (even though I think her treatment of me doesn’t deserve it). But when I called last night and was super kind after not speaking for a full five days she cursed me out. Told me she wanted a divorce. Then hung up/blocked my number. I send her a happy birthday text from a texting app this morning and she gives me a bunch of grief for not being there and tells me she’s all alone. Every relationship in her life is on rocks right now. Very logical to me why.

I read the book attached and it explains so much as to what’s happening between us. I Highly recommend it. She is an avoidant attachment style. I’m anxious attachment style from growing up with (very taxing on my parents) disabled younger brother. So I feel the need for security within my relationships to a fault. When things go south I get bad anxiety and try to please her or do whatever to fix the marriage. Which is my own stuff I need to deal with. She then avoids me in every way but sexually for weeks on end. I tried to gently share this book with her and what I’m learning about myself and I’m told “I’m going to be a therapist in less than a year. It’s insulting you would bring this stuff up to me. I read 20 articles a day on psychology” which is frightening to me tbh that someone who is so disregulated can be helping others. It’s also concerning that she doesn’t even begin to take accountability for the things she brings into our marriage. She told me she wants a divorce. I’m really thinking I should take her up on that.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

what is your main takeaway from the book, in terms of next steps?