Feeling Alone in the Family

[Depression = 72% of members]

My sister has BPD. She told me that her therapist said she had "Borderline tendencies." The rest of the family, including her, does not consider this to be a BPD diagnosis. They think she just has anxiety that is worse than the average person. I feel so alone in dealing with this. No one is willing to set any boundaries. Everything in our lives centers around making sure she isn't hurt, which is so difficult to do! Has anyone else been through this? I don't know how to keep a relationship with my family when they think I'm just being mean to my sister by suggesting she has a disorder that she has.

[HereForSupport]

My sister has BPD. She told me that her therapist said she had "Borderline tendencies." The rest of the family, including her, does not consider this to be a BPD diagnosis. They think she just has anxiety that is worse than the average person. I feel so alone in dealing with this. No one is willing to set any boundaries. Everything in our lives centers around making sure she isn't hurt, which is so difficult to do! Has anyone else been through this? I don't know how to keep a relationship with my family when they think I'm just being mean to my sister by suggesting she has a disorder that she has.

[beatricex]

hi Hereforsupport,
My mother is mentally ill.  No one in my family of 8 will ever acknowledge it, my brothers pretend that she's just eccentric, and my sisters are her flying monkies.  Of course, it has changed over the years, but one thing that's constant is that she projects all her stuff onto any scapegoat she can find. 

You have come to the right place for support.  What books have you read?  That is where a lot of people in our situation start their journey.  Sometimes it's helpful to start a new family, outside our Family of Origin (FOO) to get the type of support we need.  It can be just a network of friends, or a spouse.

 

b

[pursuingJoy]

Each of you are parts of a larger family 'engine,' and accepting a diagnosis will change the way the engine is accustomed to working. Some members of your family aren't ready for that, but they may be down the road. That's something they'll need to decide.

Until then, I agree with beatricex that finding support for yourself is critical. I'm glad you're here! Read, find moments to slow down and absorb all that this means, and take care of yourself. Keep in mind that BPD, like any disorder, is on a spectrum. She may be high functioning, with BPD tendencies, but it doesn't mean that she (and you) can't learn new ways of relating and coping that will help her.

Any aha moments lately? What are you discovering?

[HereForSupport]

Thanks for the replies. I haven't read any books but I love reading so I will have to look into some. I've seen some posts on here about recommended reading.  To complicate things, my sister is currently pregnant with twins, leading to a lot of conflicting feelings regarding helping her through the pregnancy while still trying to set boundaries. It has been helpful to focus more on what I can do to relate than just thinking about how hard it is to have a relationship with her.

I know my parents aren't ready to acknowledge the borderline aspect of my sister's mental health. Maybe it's best if I just talk to people outside my family about it and focus on other things with my parents and brother.

[wantmorepeace]

In your shoes, except that not even sibling acknowledges diagnosis.  Non-family around me do, however.  Supporting you in your efforts to take care of yourself nonetheless!