Just been discarded by wife and struggling

[PaintedBlack1120]

I am a 35yo woman and my wife left me early Nov, completely out of nowhere. We went two to marriage counseling sessions (she was extremely reluctant) and I went to third by myself. Therapist said I need to start grieving the end of my marriage and start reading up on BPD. We were together for 4 and half years and i saw many red flags to this, but chose to ignore. She came in to my life when my son from a previous relationship was two, and became a second parent to him. Anyways, after all my reading on BPD, I recognize the mirroring in our relationship, but what I'm really struggling with is that she seemed to always want our son to be just like her. She helped mold his personality, and always bragged that he even looks just like her. His mannerisms, humor, and personality she helped develop. Then she discarded me. She always"joked" that if we broke up, it would be so hard for me bc our son was so much like her and it would be a constant reminder to me. But of course it was always followed up with I would never leave you in a million years. Now that she has, Im wondering, do people w/BPD possibly do this on purpose? Like she set me up with a personal reminder of her that I can't get away from? Do they have that maliciousness in them?

 

[khibomsis]

Painted Black, hello, and welcome to the family! I am so sorry to hear what you are  going through It is hard, and sometimes it seems the hardest when they reject us.  
I dont know how to answer about your son. People are different, whether BPD or not. Either way it does not sound like a kind thing to do. It is not a characteristic of BPD that I know of.
IMHO, I suspect there may be a fair degree of narcissism involved.  My undiagnosed Narcisstic BPD mom  used to be quite determined to turn me out as a carbon copy of herself,  and any deviation from this norm was harshly punished.  So much so that I left home at 16 simply to develop a sense of self. Still working on it
Have you talked to your son how he feels about it? If so what does he say?

[Mutt]

Hi PaintedBlack1120, 



I'd like ot join khibomsis and welcome you to the family. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I am glad that you decided to join us, there is hope. You'll find many members that can relate with you and can offer you guidance and advise. The lessons are on the top and the side of the boards 

I dont know how to answer about your son. People are different, whether BPD or not. Either way it does not sound like a kind thing to do. It is not a characteristic of BPD that I know of.

I agree with khibomsis I have not heard of a pwBPD mirroring children although boundaries are fuzzy to them because they don't understand their own personal boundaries and the boundaries of others and kids can often become an extension of themselves. That's enmesment what you are describing sounds like mirroring.

Has your wife contacted you since November?