I am trying to learn how to survive

[bpdmom_bro]

My mother has BPD. Growing up with her and my younger brother was a real struggle. I feel like I do not have a way to connect with most people, and my emotions and relationship skills are all out of whack. I moved out for a time to go to school, but after COVID hit with me not having secured a career, a job of any sort I am feeling without prospects for moving forward. I understood that the situation would be less than ideal, but seeing as I had limited options I decided to move back in with them. She had just obtained a new house with plenty of space, but I am realizing that even being in the same abode is incredibly detrimental to my mental health. I feel like I am losing my mind living here, and I am running out of hope that I will be able to find a job and remove myself from this situation.

[pursuingJoy]

In some ways, your discomfort living at home shows your growth. What is unhealthy is more clear to you and that's a good thing. Don't lose hope!  This is a choice you made for this moment, but you have options of where to go from here. What needs to happen for you to get your own place? Can you identify a step or two you need to take?

pj

[kiwigal]

My mother has BPD. Growing up with her and my younger brother was a real struggle. I feel like I do not have a way to connect with most people, and my emotions and relationship skills are all out of whack. I moved out for a time to go to school, but after COVID hit with me not having secured a career, a job of any sort I am feeling without prospects for moving forward. I understood that the situation would be less than ideal, but seeing as I had limited options I decided to move back in with them. She had just obtained a new house with plenty of space, but I am realizing that even being in the same abode is incredibly detrimental to my mental health. I feel like I am losing my mind living here, and I am running out of hope that I will be able to find a job and remove myself from this situation.

Is there any way that you could qualify for trauma therapy? I would search what options you have to obtain financial support for your well-being. You can absolutely get through this! You have strong self awareness and you’re identifying toxicity and it’s effect on you. I bet you are far less socially awkward than you perceive... maybe like most of us here... just very realistic about humanity and people. Also not trusting people or feeling open with them is one of the normal responses of this stuff. Huge hugs and come here and read this board often! It’s been a lifeline for me!

[Mtnlvr8]

Get out! I realize this may be difficult due to your financial situation and may not be possible right away, but I would definitely make it a priority. If it's at all similar to the time I was living with my bp person you may be telling yourself it might not be as bad as you think, questioning your own judgement, or having skewed judgement because you are depressed and/or having trouble feeling hopeful about finding alternatives. It was really helpful when my brother validated my experience and said I needed to prioritize getting out. I would urge you to do the same for your own emotional well being, knowing there will still be work to do on yourself, but that it will be easier in a better environment.