My mother has BPD. Growing up with her and my younger brother was a real struggle. I feel like I do not have a way to connect with most people, and my emotions and relationship skills are all out of whack. I moved out for a time to go to school, but after COVID hit with me not having secured a career, a job of any sort I am feeling without prospects for moving forward. I understood that the situation would be less than ideal, but seeing as I had limited options I decided to move back in with them. She had just obtained a new house with plenty of space, but I am realizing that even being in the same abode is incredibly detrimental to my mental health. I feel like I am losing my mind living here, and I am running out of hope that I will be able to find a job and remove myself from this situation.
Is there any way that you could qualify for trauma therapy? I would search what options you have to obtain financial support for your well-being. You can absolutely get through this! You have strong self awareness and you’re identifying toxicity and it’s effect on you. I bet you are far less socially awkward than you perceive... maybe like most of us here... just very realistic about humanity and people. Also not trusting people or feeling open with them is one of the normal responses of this stuff. Huge hugs and come here and read this board often! It’s been a lifeline for me!