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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Merrilee
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 8yrs w/ 2 kids
Posts: 1


« on: February 08, 2021, 02:00:55 PM »

Just discovered that BPD traits are very common characteristics of my husband. Thought it was called so many other things. Likely part of undiagnosed trauma / toxic parenting. I want us to be healthy, happy individuals and be better together in the marriage and for our two young children who can clearly see on a daily basis what splitting and toxic reactions  are doing to their mom and dad.  I’m a little overwhelmed on even where to start looking / asking for support.. validation, hope for my self, husband and family. Does anyone have any GOOD stories.. even if it had to get harder / more painful before it got better.. and has stayed better for them ..?
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480



« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2021, 09:59:08 PM »

My relationship is profoundly better, and all because of what I have learned here.

It’s much more hopeful if your partner has traits, rather than fullblown BPD, but in any case, what you can learn will make things better since you will stop making things worse.

People with BPD are very emotional thinkers and many of their partners are rational thinkers. We mistakenly believe that if we can communicate well enough, we can fix things. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Our partners want validation. This doesn’t mean agreeing with them, rather it means understanding how they view the world. That’s a good place to start.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating

And here’s a video on the same topic:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=206132

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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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