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Author Topic: update after 2 and half months...  (Read 1078 times)
cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 249


« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2021, 09:18:06 AM »

Hey Brighter! Well, they gave it to her of course...3 years! I had written a letter to the judge and explained my side, that there was zero evidence etc...no matter! Once she explained to them she "felt" I was going to drive 500 miles to kill her, it was all over...big waste of time for all involved really.

oh, whatever...not like I had any plans of ever contacting again anyhow...and the nice thing is the order goes both ways...should she contact me she will get in trouble for breaking it! So it's a bit like she took out a restraining order on herself as well...I will take that tradeoff!
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brighter future
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 277


« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2021, 09:27:43 AM »

Hey Brighter! Well, they gave it to her of course...3 years! I had written a letter to the judge and explained my side, that there was zero evidence etc...no matter! Once she explained to them she "felt" I was going to drive 500 miles to kill her, it was all over...big waste of time for all involved really.

oh, whatever...not like I had any plans of ever contacting again anyhow...and the nice thing is the order goes both ways...should she contact me she will get in trouble for breaking it! So it's a bit like she took out a restraining order on herself as well...I will take that tradeoff!

That's great that that the order of protection covers her coming around you as well! Does it cover any type of contact besides in person contact like email, text, etc.? If she does break it, I'd report her!

This brings back memories of my BPD ex-wife telling the court that she was "terrified for her safety when being left alone with my husband" while our divorce and custody dispute was going on after we separated. When the judge stated in the decree that "no reasonable person would fear for their safety in this particular case", she dropped that immediately when she saw that it wasn't getting her anywhere. After that, she was perfectly fine being alone with me during child exchanges, etc. Geesh, the things these people will do. They have the capability to really ruin your life!
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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 249


« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2021, 12:37:25 PM »

Brighter...yes, it's ANY contact...so I am happy with that...and I certainly will report her if she breaks that...three years too! Don't call me if England doesn't work out! Don't text me or email me to see how the cats you abandoned are doing! Don't "want to talk "...Etc etc...

The funny thing in all this is that it might make a modicum of sense to me if I had left her for another female...and it was just vengeance...but here she left me for another, stripped our bank account, stole quite a few important things from me (books from a famous artist friend of mine that he had done drawings in specifically for me...each worth about a grand)...and yet she still feels the need...

oh well, this is why she is bat out of hell crazy and not in my life anymore...that's a huge win...
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brighter future
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 277


« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2021, 02:27:59 PM »

\
oh well, this is why she is bat out of hell crazy and not in my life anymore...that's a huge win...

It's funny that you should say "bat out of hell crazy." A lot of my family, friends, my attorneys (and myself) refer to my BPD ex-wife as "bat s##t crazy." If it wasn't for the child we have together, I would love to go completely NC with her. She was in an inpatient facility about 5 hours away for two months at the end of last year. Now she's out of state again at another facility for intensive outpatient therapy. Apparently she can't go anywhere around our area because she's already been to all of those!

I haven't heard from my ex-g/f in about 7 weeks now, but I ran into her last Friday when she was visiting her parents next door. I was outside mowing my yard and trimming hedges. I was going to be cordial and wave to her when she pulled up out front, especially since she had her kids with her. That's really the only interaction I want with her. She walked from the street to her parents house and looked the other direction the entire time. When she came out 30 minutes later, I was trimming the hedgerow. She and the kids went straight to the car. Instead of driving by me and my house on her way out like she always does, she backed down the road and turned around in the other neighbor's driveway. That took her out of the neighborhood in the opposite direction so she didn't have to drive by and look at me. How bizarre. She goes from pinging me 2-3 times a month from September - February and and having the courtesy to wave to treating me like a pile of crap that doesn't exist. At least I'm more self-aware than I was a year ago, and I know that whatever her deal is is no reflection on myself. It's all on her. I can tell by looking at her that she's miserable. She's made her bed, so she can lay in it.
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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 249


« Reply #34 on: March 31, 2021, 02:55:49 PM »

Brighter...one thing I will say via my situation as folks seem to think I have done fairly ok is that at least I did not have kids with her...not sure how I would handle that...seems like an area where it could be infinite sympathy and tie...

So I was lucky...no matter what was thrown into my lap, I could figure out common sense as what to do...it has not been pleasant by any means...but it seemed to follow my natural defenses...and thank god they were still there...I wasn't sure they were...but they are...that has been something to refind...

My whole movement has been understanding my own dynamic...even gf's before who we would not call BPD had traits...well, traits from myself to over protect emotionally...and how I am driven by that...that's all on me...and I am done with it for good I hope...I am very very conscious of this as I see a new person...

I will say this again...I think I was rather lucky to get thrown into hell via Lila...it was so extreme, it forced me...it was a learn or die thing...and I learned...thankful for that in an odd way...but not thankful to her...no way no how...boundaries my friend...
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brighter future
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 277


« Reply #35 on: April 01, 2021, 08:39:01 AM »

Cash,

What you just said, I understand 100%. I learned enough during my marriage with my ex-wife that it prevented me from ultimately marrying my ex-g/f. If I didn't go through what I did with my ex-wife, I honestly believe I would have gone through with the engagement and marriage. I suppose the turbulent relationship with my ex-g/f taught me what I didn't learn with the ex-wife. There's no doubt in my mind that a marriage with my ex-g/f had the potential to be worse than it was with my ex-wife because I would have had to deal with three people at once that are mentally ill (ex-g/f and her two children). More than likely, dealing with all of that would have pushed me over the edge. Then I think about my own child being exposed to all of that, and it really upsets me. Man, I dodged a bullet there.

About a month ago, I was contacted by a girl that I graduated high school with. I haven't seen her in 27 years. By the second or third phone conversation, she started telling me how good looking I was after all of these years and that I was "a real man" that takes care of his family unlike her ex-husband. She spent the good part of the remainder of the conversation demonizing her ex-husband (he also graduated with us). All of that triggered me a little bit and reminded me of the beginning of my relationship with my ex-g/f and how she smothered me with praise just like that and demonized her ex-husband. The hair was literally standing up on the back of my neck. Before that happened, I thought about asking her to meet me for dinner some evening. But now after all of that, I think I'll pass. A guy here at work used to live next door to this girl and her ex-husband. I knew that he knew her. Last week he told me that she had some personal problems and there were rumors about some issues with addiction. All the more reason to stay away.

I'm not interested in being anyone's rescuer/savior any longer. I nearly destroyed myself taking on that role, which actually goes back to my LTR before my ex-wife. So that makes 3 codependent relationships in a row with 3 women that couldn't stand on their own two feet and are not capable of healthy relationships.  It's funny because all 3 of these women are highly intelligent and gifted. But, they are very damaged.  No more .Like you said, "Boundaries my friend."  

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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 249


« Reply #36 on: April 01, 2021, 09:44:22 AM »

no, I really get it...when I look back now after this...I realize that all my relationships had a certain pattern...that is what I chose...and while it was only Lila who was true BDP...the others had that dynamic of me being the savior...I was the one bringing that problem in...not them...I can imagine they hated me for that to be honest Brighter...and they would be right...like who the f**k do I think I am?

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about letting myself go abit on care...maybe even being seen as a jerk...I know I am not...but that seems a good direction to go in for me rather than over caring...

you know this...relationships between the sexes are always complicated at best...then toss in BDP stuff...and it can be an infinite wild west...from both sides...
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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 249


« Reply #37 on: April 05, 2021, 09:10:20 PM »

as some were thinking about a new thing I had going...well, I ended it...just not enough in common...and could feel things going on...found this a good and healthy step...it was a transitional thing merely...
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brighter future
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 277


« Reply #38 on: April 06, 2021, 01:05:11 PM »

as some were thinking about a new thing I had going...well, I ended it...just not enough in common...and could feel things going on...found this a good and healthy step...it was a transitional thing merely...

That is definitely a good, healthy step. Good for you! Glad you ended things before they got further along and more complicated. Being able to see red flags and compatibility issues early on is a definite sign that you are making healthier decisions in regards to relationships. I am seeing the same changes on my end as well as far as that goes! Keep it up, and I will do the same.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 249


« Reply #39 on: April 07, 2021, 09:10:59 AM »

Thanks Brighter...yeah, wasn't seeing red flags about BPD or anything...but enough to know we were not working...or that it would not last...and yes, like you, found it a healthy thing to be moving on rather than trying to make something work that simply wasn't there...have done that in the past...actually, after the Lila stuff, the whole experience was good...and I am fine on my own...
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