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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: New here  (Read 58 times)
HobeSoundHopeful
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 1


« on: March 01, 2021, 09:21:11 AM »

Hi all.  I'm new here.  Trying to navigate these tumultuous waters.  My Love has BPD and our relationship is on the rocks.  I have reached my breaking point.  I want to learn how to not make things worse, and how I can also live true to myself.  I am in recovery (alcoholism), and have worked very hard to overcome my codependent tendencies.  My recovery has been based on "tough love" and no BS, which is how I approach my SO (he is also in and out of The Rooms, but has now decided that AA isn't for him - even though two weeks ago he missed it).  I don't want to make things worse.  But I don't want to be an enabler.  And I am struggling finding that middle ground.  I am also struggling not taking things personally . . . this gaping wound in my heart is making it difficult to lead with love and I find myself shutting down and shutting out my SO.  His small efforts at reconciliation seem so meaningless, although I suspect those efforts feel huge on his part. 
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Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 5801



« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2021, 10:24:35 AM »

These relationships are difficult. You’re absolutely right that it takes a fine amount of balance to not enable and not be personally impacted by BPD behaviors. Here’s an overview that might be helpful:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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