Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
May 14, 2021, 06:36:42 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Good to write!  (Read 65 times)
Roller80
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 1



« on: April 11, 2021, 07:43:31 PM »

Hi everyone- just found the site and read some articles which really helped me feel less alone so thought I’d register and post. I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 2.5 years but known her as a friend for significantly longer. We had a fantastic first few months in our relationship which was formed in a very tumultuous time - she was incredibly supportive when my mum died suddenly, then to our very happy surprise we got pregnant, things were looking up until very sadly she had a miscarriage ... since then she has made my life hell and after talking to my friends and taking some therapy myself I can see my partners pattern and it’s best described as BPD. The signs are pretty clear and no matter what I now do I am in the wrong. This is complicated because we went on to have IVF and she is currently pregnant again and things are looking good BUT she continues to hijack me emotionally, I am second guessing everything I do and am in a constant state of anxiety because I know we are only a moment away from me saying/doing something that will trigger hours (can be up to 6 hours) of personal attack. I would say I’m pretty resilient but I’ve reached the end of my ability to maintain my own emotional stability. We have repeatedly ‘come to the end’ the reconciled (it’s a familiar pattern) - anyone have similar experience? I’ve tried all the advice - had some success with boundaries and self care but tbh not sure if I want this to be for the remainder of my life!!! Any response gratefully received ... thanks!
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8448


« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2021, 08:26:36 AM »

not sure if I want this to be for the remainder of my life!!! Any response gratefully received ... thanks!

... and a baby is on the way.

Losing a child is a huge stressor and all of are at our worse when under huge stresses. pwBPD traits are at their worst for sure.

You sound like you could certainly understand and even accept this. You also sound like a guy who would be prepared for this when the next big life stressor comes down.

Possibly the problem you struggle with most is that this first life crisis has changed the tempo of the relationship and you two have normalized some crappy dynamics into the relationship. She vents her internal chaos on you and you soak it all in and crash to the ground under all that weight.

With a baby on the way, you want to try to make this work. At the same time, you don't want to be an emotional tampon the rest of your life. I really hate that term,  but it makes the point.

I'd focus on trying to slowly and methodically reverse the unhealthy dynamics. You must do the work to build the relationships in times of peace - when hell breaks loose - there is little you can do but wait it out and not make it worse.

People here can help you with that.  Being cool (click to insert in post)
« Last Edit: April 12, 2021, 01:57:40 PM by Skip » Logged

 
EZEarache

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 41


« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2021, 01:24:54 PM »

For me, being a new father was a very scary proposition. I did not handle it well at all and said some things I should not have. It caused much of my own problems down the road.

10 months later, I am constantly under the potential of a custody battle.

To avoid finding yourself in my shoes be as supportive and empathetic as you possibly can, right now. This will be extremely important for you to overcome any problems that lay ahead.  When she is upset, try to remember that her words are not, really directed at you. I wish I had understood what was going on sooner. You are fortunate that you already have found the keys to keep things under control.

I wish you the best of luck in these challenging times.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!