adult daughter wants no contact

[Parents! Get help here!]

my 28 yr old adult daughter wants no contact. she has traits of BPD but has not been diagnosed. She graduated from college in 4 years, and has been working in service jobs. Currently she lives alone and is on unemployment. For months the situation was just as that described in the book "stop walking on eggshells" -- no matter how much love, caring and devotion I provide, it is never enough. She feels the terrifying pain of the aching cavity and urges me to work harder... Now, she blames me for her problems and wants no contact.  Is it possible that a person with terrifying pain could not stand their loved ones having a somewhat 'normal' life? When we are in contact, whenever she is in pain, and I am around but seem not able to make the pain go away (in her view that is because I did not work hard enough, and therefore I don't care, and never have), that may be actually making her pain worse. 

[MomJan]

my 28 yr old adult daughter wants no contact. she has traits of BPD but has not been diagnosed. She graduated from college in 4 years, and has been working in service jobs. Currently she lives alone and is on unemployment. For months the situation was just as that described in the book "stop walking on eggshells" -- no matter how much love, caring and devotion I provide, it is never enough. She feels the terrifying pain of the aching cavity and urges me to work harder... Now, she blames me for her problems and wants no contact.  Is it possible that a person with terrifying pain could not stand their loved ones having a somewhat 'normal' life? When we are in contact, whenever she is in pain, and I am around but seem not able to make the pain go away (in her view that is because I did not work hard enough, and therefore I don't care, and never have), that may be actually making her pain worse. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomJan]

what should I do? if I apologize and promise to work harder she may resume contact but should I?  Without my support, she will be even more isolated in this crazy times because she lives alone. In some ways NC is a break for me, but I feel guilty what if there are things I can do that may be helpful?  I do want to respect her wish of no contact though. This has been super hard. 

[Swimmy55]

Hi,
 It is particularly heartbreaking when our BPD adult kids cut us out.  My adult son is estranged from me as well.  You are already doing what you should... give your kid the space she wants.   Here is some reading on estrangement from this forum for your consideration:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=296973.0

Use this time apart to nurture your soul and it is a good first step for you in building up your own network. 
Please reach out to us, we are here for you.