Need help with bpd partner getting too much

[Lastlovelost]

Hello,

My partner has been diagnosed with bpd and is currently on a waiting list to get treatment and has been for some time now.  Meanwhile, nothing gets better and the emotional abuse continues. We have been on and off for 2 years and now have a 10 week old baby in the mix. I am scared that the bpd will get too much and beat us. I am scared that it will get too much for me and defeat me. I am scared that the bpd will affect my child and the abuse will continue.

I don't know how to deal with the constant name calling, blaming for her triggers, being told its over and told to leave. It's really getting me down. I don't know how to protect myself and set boundaries or stick to them. I am drowning and emotionally exhausted. Things have gotten so bad I sometimes have felt as if ending my life would make things better for her. But I do not want to do that as I love her and want to help her get better and be there for her and my baby.

I need advice and help. Trying to approach the subject of getting her private DBT therapy has gotten me nowhere in the past and I am afraid that bringing the subject up again will cause more outbursts. We are currently going through couples therapy (eith little success as she refuses to engage in the exercises outside of the meetings, stating they won't work because of her BPD).

I feel alone, stuck and helpless. I am her emotional punching bag. Damned if I do and damned if I do nothing. Please can anybody give me some advice on how to cope and how to deal with loving someone with BPD.

Thank you in advance.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

the first thing to know is that things really can get better.

loving someone with a very challenging disorder is, in itself, very challenging. you will need a strong support system. you will need tools. you will need practice at them. and you will also need a level of acceptance that while things can improve, the person you love will always be a difficult person.

right now, it sounds like your relationship is suffering from stress overload.

people with bpd especially do not deal well with stress. who does, right? and its a stressful environment for both of you. shes just been diagnosed with what is a life altering diagnosis, shes pregnant, and the two of you are going at it.

but now that youve reached out for support, things really can get better.

tell us more about what is going on between the two of you, whats happening when you fight?