Wait or move on

[M8]

My partner and I were together for a year before he made the decision he needed to go home (another country) to deal with his mental health and BPD. 

In our first year it was a typical BPD relationship from what I hear. I try to be as supportive as possible and at times it was amazing but other times there was no talking him down.

When he left I said we need to communicate as much as possible and things were great for the first month. The plan was that I was going to meet him in his country when my visa was approved, however with COVID nothing was happening and all exemption letters were denied. Even with doctors letters stating that I was his support system. 

So with this I’m sitting in my town and a job opportunity came up that would be beneficial to both of us in the long term but I had to commit to staying in my town a bit longer. At that moment he broke up with me.

It’s been about 3 months now. We have stayed in touch, it was anger from both sides at first then things settled. He hasn’t been love bombing like he usually does and he’s open about what he’s feeling. So I’m hoping this is progress. 

All this being said he is planning to return to my country by the end of the year and coming back to the town I live in. At this point I have realized that he is my person and I can see that the things he’s done are not ok but I can forgive him becuse I understand where it’s coming from. And typically as individuals with BPD,  he regrets the way he’s treated me and turns on himself. 

Since chatting again as friends, the odd time I’ll get a little comment that there’s some hope of rekindling when he’s back but other times he just pulls away and I’m learning to let him. At this point I don’t know if it is healthy for either of us to continue talking as friends building that foundation for when he’s back or if this is a toxic situation for him and myself. should I just cut all ties and move on, or stick it out through the next 6 months and see what happens.  I’m just so lost right now. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EZEarache]

The long distance situation seems to be fairly complicated. If he is back in treatment, that sounds hopeful. However, it also probably means that he needs to figure out a few things for himself.

I would give yourself time to heal, and not worry about trying to get back together with him at this point until you know for sure if he is going to come back to your town.

I wouldn't rush into another relationship, either, though. Just focus on being your best self. Perhaps it might make sense to try and examine if you have codependency tendencies. If you do, maybe you can find ways to prevent them from occurring in the future. It will help you set better boundaries for whatever comes next. Whether this be reengaging with your BPD or with whomever else shares your life path in the future.