Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
August 01, 2021, 08:36:09 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: When will you realize I’m just a POS?  (Read 205 times)
paperinkart
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Confidential
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Together (But It’s Tough Lately!)
Posts: 123


« on: June 11, 2021, 01:37:39 PM »

Hi everyone!

My partner has been SO incredibly up and down lately. The other night, he messaged me some wonderfully nice things and beautiful sentiments.

Today I just messaged him to say good morning. This was our conversation (via text- he’s at work):

Me: good mooorning!
Him: hi
Me: how are you?
Him: sick, I think
Me: oh no! How come?
Him: i don’t know! Allergies I hope
Me: (literally 1 minute later) awww that’s too bad! I’m sorry you’re not feeling well

Him: k
Him: thanks
Me: Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) is it making you grumpy?
Him: I'm literally responding right away. So clearly I want to have a conversation. But you’re taking too long
Me: Haha what?! I just said I'm sorry you're not feeling well!
Him: after a minute of silence
Me: Okay, I'm sorry you're grumpy. Have a nice day! I’ll talk to you when you’re feeling better Smiling (click to insert in post)
Him: Why
Him:  That will be never
Him: I’m just a POS (piece of sh*t)
Him: when will you realize that?
Me: you’re having a rough day. Please don't start saying these things. It makes me anxious. I'd like to just have a nice conversation

And that was it. He’s obviously feeling SOME kind of way. Can I say anything else so he doesn’t keep pushing? It REALLY makes me anxious and frustrated when he tries to turn it on me for sticking by him, and almost blaming me for not leaving him. Now I don’t think he’s going to talk to me at least for the rest of the day and that really sucks. I literally just wanted to say good morning and it’s frustrating that i become the punching bag for his bad mood. Any advice? Thanks!!
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Ventak
Ambassador
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 198


To find out what I want, I look at what I do.


« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2021, 06:51:49 PM »

Quick question:  Does he have a history of anxiety over text message response time?

I know for me, I start getting anxious when texts are taking a while to be answered, especially when there has been back and forth going.  My pwBDPw takes hours sometimes to respond, even when it's been back and forth, so I've had to train myself out of it...  If he has anxiety issues with that, combined with BPD, that would seem an expected trigger.
Logged
Wilyred

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 7


« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2021, 03:23:18 PM »

Paperinkart, brave of you to post your texts but super helpful. What works for me is ignoring the bait.the bait is that you are taking too long. Both of you can see that you took literally 1 minute. That fact cannot be disputed. The key is his feelings about it, his feelings are so extreme that one minute is too long. The urgency and extremist of the feelings need to be deescalated. acknowledge the feelings of worthlessness. "When I don't respond the same minute, you feel worthless? Am I understanding right?" Sometimes that is enough in my relationship to get him to see he's being irrational. I am careful not to defend argue Etc. If he still raging I might say I am sweaty from the gym and I'm taking a shower but will call you after.
Logged
johnsang

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 17


« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2021, 12:22:51 AM »

Excerpt
Him: I'm literally responding right away. So clearly I want to have a conversation. But you’re taking too long

This is so familiar to me - it leaves your head spinning it is so confusing - and it makes me sad for you that you started with good intentions.  I see myself in this scenario so much.

Agree with Wilyred that probably the best response to these sorts of instances is to mirror their hurt back to them - "Are you feeling rejected with my timing?" My understanding is that the needs of BPD people are literally endless - your efforts are never enough - ever - your time, your presence, your timing, so these sorts of comments will continue until they are "cured". 

Hope that might be helpful.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!