Alarming/strange situations with your pwBPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Here's one that I totally erased from my memory. Calling her Lucy for the sake of this post.

<Late night argument over something stupid>
Me: "Do you even want me here? All we're doing is arguing."
Her: "No"
Me: "Okay, well I won't forgive you for throwing me out like this again" (maybe I was being a bit problematic here?)
Her: *Gets out of bed, goes into the walk in closet*
Me: *Sits up and watches in bewilderment*
Me: *Waits for a few minutes confused, assuming she'll come back out?*
-- she doesn't come out --
Me: *Walks over to the walk in closet in the dark*
Me: *Knocks on walk in closet*
Me: "Lucy?... Lucy?"
-- silence --
Me: "Are you ok?"
-- silence --
Me: "Ok, I'm gonna come in"
Me: *Opens door*
-- the closet light is off --
Me: *Turns closet light on* (no idea what to expect in there)
-- she is lying on the floor in the fetal position with a blanket over her staring forwards and doesn't blink or even look at me --
Me: (terrified) "Ok, let's get you to bed"
Me: *Pick her up off the floor and walk her to the bed* (she is completely compliant, but does not look at me, does not even speak to me)
Me: *Tucks her into bed* (thinking wtf wtf wtf the whole time, she didn't make a sound or look at me the entire time)
Me: "Ok Lucy, I guess I'll get going then"
-- silence --
Me: *Leaves*
-- I hear the sound of the door locking behind me --

<The next morning>
Me: "I'm not sure what to think about last night..." (trying not to trigger her)
Me: "I don't think it's ok that you completely ignored me" (not even risking mentioning the cupboard thing)
Her: "Yeah I shouldn't have ignored you but you saying that you wouldn't forgive me is a lot to say to someone who you supposedly want to marry and maybe have kids with one day"
Me: *Some kind of non confrontational response*

<Later that day>
Her: *Is problematic*
Me: *remembering she called me "penis boy" for a week after she "accidentally" bit it a few weeks prior.*  (omg how did I not end it then, I remember finding it funny at the time)
Me: "Okay, cupboard girl."
Her: "Hey. That's not funny!"

And just like that it was never mentioned again.

This was only about 4 months into the relationship. And somehow it ended with me thinking I'm the crazy one.

[IntoTheWind]

Here's one that I totally erased from my memory. Calling her Lucy for the sake of this post.

<Late night argument over something stupid>
Me: "Do you even want me here? All we're doing is arguing."
Her: "No"
Me: "Okay, well I won't forgive you for throwing me out like this again" (maybe I was being a bit problematic here?)
Her: *Gets out of bed, goes into the walk in closet*
Me: *Sits up and watches in bewilderment*
Me: *Waits for a few minutes confused, assuming she'll come back out?*
-- she doesn't come out --
Me: *Walks over to the walk in closet in the dark*
Me: *Knocks on walk in closet*
Me: "Lucy?... Lucy?"
-- silence --
Me: "Are you ok?"
-- silence --
Me: "Ok, I'm gonna come in"
Me: *Opens door*
-- the closet light is off --
Me: *Turns closet light on* (no idea what to expect in there)
-- she is lying on the floor in the fetal position with a blanket over her staring forwards and doesn't blink or even look at me --
Me: (terrified) "Ok, let's get you to bed"
Me: *Pick her up off the floor and walk her to the bed* (she is completely compliant, but does not look at me, does not even speak to me)
Me: *Tucks her into bed* (thinking wtf wtf wtf the whole time, she didn't make a sound or look at me the entire time)
Me: "Ok Lucy, I guess I'll get going then"
-- silence --
Me: *Leaves*
-- I hear the sound of the door locking behind me --

<The next morning>
Me: "I'm not sure what to think about last night..." (trying not to trigger her)
Me: "I don't think it's ok that you completely ignored me" (not even risking mentioning the cupboard thing)
Her: "Yeah I shouldn't have ignored you but you saying that you wouldn't forgive me is a lot to say to someone who you supposedly want to marry and maybe have kids with one day"
Me: *Some kind of non confrontational response*

<Later that day>
Her: *Is problematic*
Me: *remembering she called me "penis boy" for a week after she "accidentally" bit it a few weeks prior.*  (omg how did I not end it then, I remember finding it funny at the time)
Me: "Okay, cupboard girl."
Her: "Hey. That's not funny!"

And just like that it was never mentioned again.

This was only about 4 months into the relationship. And somehow it ended with me thinking I'm the crazy one.

[IntoTheWind]

Oh yeah, here's another one I just remembered:

<Late night argument over something stupid> (Maybe LNAOSS should be an abbreviation? ()
Me: "We can't keep doing this."
Her: *Pretends to flinch as if I've gone to hit her*
Me: (very alarming and sobering moment) "That was gross. I can't believe you just did that.."
-- suddenly the argument we were having is over and it's a non-issue and we're ok again --

[grumpydonut]

*she comes home from consecutive night out with men I didn't know*

Her: why are you on the couch?

Me: I don't want to be near you atm.

Her: *gets blanket, sleeps on cold floor*

Me: What are you doing?

Her: ________ off


Second:

Me: *out with my mates for the first time in months, just after I found out she cheated on me*

Her: I want you to come home

Me: No, I'm with the boys, I will be back home in a few hours

Her: I'm going to kill myself

Me: *exhales and drives home*

Her: *locked in the bathroom. Eventually walks out*

Me: What were you doing?

Her: I was about to hang myself from the shower head

One of many suicide threats, etc, as I'm sure most of us have experienced.

[Sappho11]

This thread is making me wonder again whether I acted in an insensitive manner to my BPDex without realising that I did.

[Goosey]

We where in love with them. Not trained therapists.
   Let’s give ourselves a break there.

[grumpydonut]

Yeah, agree Goosey.

Some people seem to undermine the impact constant gaslighting can have on people. My two scenarios either came after cheating or planning to cheat on me.

Sappho, take it easy on yourself, I'm sure you meant better.

[B1987]

This thread is making me wonder again whether I acted in an insensitive manner to my BPDex without realising that I did.

Ultimately, I don't think it matters. They require a level of care and attentiveness that is nigh on impossible to reach or sustain. I did lot's of things to support and show affection to my ex but they never made much difference in the long run. They'd quickly be forgotten as the next instalment of drama reared on the horizon.

It's hard to maintain your support and understanding when the partner is constantly causing issues and then griping that you 'haven't done 'x' like you used to in the beginning!'

[IntoTheWind]

This thread is making me wonder again whether I acted in an insensitive manner to my BPDex without realising that I did.

Sensitive, insensitive it wouldn't make a difference in the end. Maybe you'd squeeze a few more "good days" out of the relationship at the cost of your boundaries and sanity. Part of me almost went and slept in the cupboard with her to show her I cared and I was like "what the PLEASE READ am I thinking" so I left. The end result would've been the same.

I'm sure you were plenty sensitive, moreso than you'd be for anyone else. They take the sensitivity and weaponize it against themselves or you. Sometimes I'd say the most sensitive thing I could possibly think of and then she'd either embed that further into her abandonment fear, or pull something out of thin air to cause more issues. It's all about them filling the void with something. Drama, victimhood, intense love/sadness. Just something. They are triggered and need to act it out. It's never about you or how sensitive you are. In order for them to be with you in the first place you have to be an incredibly sensitive person. Just the fact you're concerned about that shows you're sensitive.