Weekends are tough

[B1987]

So, earlier this week I actually had glimmers of being myself again. I still have a long way to go but after 6 weeks of pain and misery, I had a couple of evenings where I actually felt ok and was able to happily distract myself with hobbies and down time.

But the weekends are tough! This is when I miss my ex the most. We were always together at the weekends so I really miss her presence and can’t stop thinking about what she’s doing now and who with.

Im trying to keep busy and remind myself of the bad times but not being able to go to work and having too much time on my hands is not doing me any good. I’m so tempted to reach out to her but I won’t.

How do you guys handle weekend loneliness? Thanks, guys!

[Scarredheart]

So, earlier this week I actually had glimmers of being myself again. I still have a long way to go but after 6 weeks of pain and misery, I had a couple of evenings where I actually felt ok and was able to happily distract myself with hobbies and down time.

But the weekends are tough! This is when I miss my ex the most. We were always together at the weekends so I really miss her presence and can’t stop thinking about what she’s doing now and who with.

Im trying to keep busy and remind myself of the bad times but not being able to go to work and having too much time on my hands is not doing me any good. I’m so tempted to reach out to her but I won’t.

How do you guys handle weekend loneliness? Thanks, guys!

Yeah I was just telling my sister the other day how I used to love weekends. Those were the days when I could see my wife. For all her faults, I loved her. When I got to spend actual quiet time with her, it was bliss.

Weekends are too quiet now. At least during the week I can distract myself with work. I try to concentrate on my daily walks, and I've expanded my workout routine into the weekend. It tires me out, builds me up and distracts me.

Weekends are still tough though. Too bad I sing like a drowning cat and can't play an instrument. (That doesn't stop some people    ) I'll have to find another hobby.

[Goosey]

Down time is tough.
Think it’s what my sister was worried about with me and calls
  “Missing the crazy”.
Normal calm is just so… normal.
   Normal relationship in the future? What’s normal? 
  Missing the crazy is not normal I assume. I’m not normal in conclusion.
   Worked today and maybe take the dogs to the state forest now. They love me And we have long conversations anymore… ya, these relationships are a bit tough to shake.
  We will survive.
   
 

[EZEarache]

How do you guys handle weekend loneliness?

So my immediate reaction to this was, "I have lots of friends, and I spend time with them hiking on my days off."  Then I remembered that after I got home from dropping my son off to my ex on Saturday I was in the kitchen, putting away groceries and I was really down in the dumps and feeling lonely. What I did, I took a walk to the pharmacy in my town to pick up some baby wipes and Tylenol. I stopped off for some ice cream. When I got home I went through some photos from a recent trip I was on. Turns out I forgot that I was even lonely until just now.

So I guess the answer is, take care of yourself and do the things you need to do to live a good life. For me, walking really gets my head back on track. Whether it's a one mile walk to a local store, or if it's a 12 mile hike with 4,000 feet of gain, once my body gets moving I forget about what's bothering me.

[Selfishsally]

It's been saturday night for me. My kids are asleep and I just wish I had someone to talk to! I guess I have some friends but they are all married and I don't like being needy but I am kinda needy right now. Lol

[Scarredheart]

It's been saturday night for me. My kids are asleep and I just wish I had someone to talk to! I guess I have some friends but they are all married and I don't like being needy but I am kinda needy right now. Lol

Talk to us! I know it’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing. 

[Selfishsally]

Talk to us! I know it’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing. 

Aw thanks  I am very happy to have found a community of people who get it.

[Scarredheart]

Aw thanks  I am very happy to have found a community of people who get it.

 

[poppy2]

I had this yesterday too. Sunday's used to be my "me" day, where I would go for a long bike ride, or do no work, or just generally take care of myself apart from work. And instead I got sucked into listening to long spotify playlists that reminded me of my ex.

I wonder if an answer to this could be to list the things you used to enjoy on the weekend, and then try and do them again... and to look on the forums for support. The things that have helped me in general have been to look forward rather than looking back, which usually ends up hurting me to no purpose, as it's clear the person I was won't treat me with respect. I think it's natural to feel lonely, or hopeless,  also, it's natural to miss the contact with someone (I also saw or spoke with my ex a lot on weekends)... but lingering there hasn't helped, so for the time being replacement might.

So I don't have any direct answers, but I think it's good to share your difficulties with others and maybe weekends will get easier over time through keeping busy and exercise. I can also second the suggestion someone else made here - going for long walks always helps me to "empty" me of feelings. 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi all! 

You have a great thread going here. You have all shared from what you've learned and that really helps us to all connect and belong because we have all been there or are there. Thank you. 

When I first separated from my exH, I dealt with fear and hypervigilance because of the type of relationship it had been over the 35 year time span. As Goosey said,

What’s normal?

For the longest time I had no idea of what normal was. My norm at first was emotional entanglement which was that strong pull to reach out and connect with the one who brought so much pain into my life. I hear this in what has been shared. That's definitely a lonely place.

It helped me a lot to have something to look forward to on my weekends. Sometimes it was hanging out with a friend. Other times it was hiking. I also went back to a sport that I loved in my childhood: archery. I love being outdoors and that took care of some physical activity and being outside. Building in moments for happy endorphins to be released helps to counter the loneliness. Perhaps it might be looking forward to a Saturday morning coffee at a favorite spot, or a movie, or what other ideas do you have?

Basically self care helped me to overcome the loneliness. I had to start to be comfortable in hanging out with me. 

Wools

[Cr500rider]

I know the feeling.  Going through that now.  I have to keep reminding myself that the good times weren’t that good.  For me, it’s knowing that there’s nobody out there anymore worrying if I get home late or someone to hold at night.  I feel like a ship floating out to sea and no real course.