My daughter has BPD , I am the one who she targets.

[Parents! Get help here!]

My daughter has BPD , I am the one who she targets. I feel like I am on a roller coster.  I get told endless lies ,blaming me , she tells lies to anyone who will listen about things that isn’t true.  everything is my fault when she flips.  I am struggling to cope with it.  It’s beyond upsetting when you love your daughter so much and why she has this.  It’s very hard to keep a healthy happy relationship with her.  I am struggling when I go to work because you never know when I get the hate messages sent to me.  I am tearful, depressed and exhausted and realise there is no cure.  

[Tweenie.123]

My daughter has BPD , I am the one who she targets. I feel like I am on a roller coster.  I get told endless lies ,blaming me , she tells lies to anyone who will listen about things that isn’t true.  everything is my fault when she flips.  I am struggling to cope with it.  It’s beyond upsetting when you love your daughter so much and why she has this.  It’s very hard to keep a healthy happy relationship with her.  I am struggling when I go to work because you never know when I get the hate messages sent to me.  I am tearful, depressed and exhausted and realise there is no cure.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello Tweenie 123, and welcome!

The devaluing messages are so hurtful.
How old is your daughter? Does she live with you?
What support are you receiving, e.g. counseling, NAMI group, etc.?
Does your daughter receive counseling?,

[Tweenie.123]

No she doesn’t live with me, she 24 , have had counselling and endless information , she blames me why she has this and says I have to appolpgies but I havnt done anything to her, she had a very loving supportive home

[Only Human]

Hello Tweenie 123

I join Still Water in welcoming you here, I'm so glad you found us.

I can totally relate to struggling at work and not knowing when the hate messages will start. It knocks me back like nothing else can. You've come to the right place for support, we've got you.

Have you had a chance to look around the site and read some of the articles? There's a lot of information here and this link is a good place to start. It contains links to many of our articles and I found that reading helped me so much at the beginning of my journey.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0

she blames me why she has this and says I have to appolpgies but I havnt done anything to her, she had a very loving supportive home

One of the difficulties of loving someone w/BPD is learning that their perception of things is so different than our own. I've seen the term "Alternate Reality" here and have experienced it with my own daughter. Has your daughter been specific about the harm she believes you caused?

Do you have any support from family or friends? A therapist? Many of us find working with a therapist of our own who is educated in BPD to be a life-saver.

Again, welcome here. I'm really sorry you had to find us but I'm really glad you did.

~ OH

[Huat]

Oh Tweenie 123, my heart goes out to you!

Here I am, on and off that roller coaster ride with my daughter for the last 40+ years.  At this stage of our lives my husband (her dad) and I should be reaping the rewards of supporting her over all those years that were constantly filled with drama - surrogate parents to her children as different relationships broke up and custody battles were fought...making sure there were no money problems.  The list goes on and on.   Sadly she has been estranged from us for close to 5 years now.  While a work in progress, life goes on for us not too badly.

I am thinking that what discourages people the most when they join this forum is that they want immediate answers to fix what is broken.  They want the magic solution that will stop their heart from hurting.  With that said, jumping on board here a few years back and sticking to it literally saved my life.   Before that I cried at the drop of a hat...I woke in the middle of the night to cry.  My mind was taking me to thoughts that now make me cringe.

Your daughter, Tweenie 123, is not going to change.  All is now under her control.  It is YOU who has the work to do on yourself.    She has come to expect the same reactions from you and when things change, even small and subtle changes, it will jolt her axis.

You might look at what is offered here (with links to much more) and think it is just too much to absorb...will take too much of your time.  Ask yourself how much of your time is now taken up with dealing with your hurts.  "Baby steps" are words that are used often in this forum.  You work on learning a new technique...you work on putting it into practice...you start taking control of YOU.   Those little "victories" that come your way will boost your confidence, spur you on to striving for more.

 I so urge you to start focussing on yourself...whatever it is that brings smiles to your face...get more of it.   I am not telling you to abandon your daughter.  Just make sure she is not consuming your life.  Become a role model.

I so hope you continue on here...a place where your can pour out your heart and your hurts 24/7.  Eventually a hug comes your way...a bit of encouragement to carry on...knowing all comes from people who can really say..."I know how you feel."  In turn you can offer the same to others.

Now to you, Tweenie 123, I give you my ((HUG) and end by saying...I know how you feel.

Huat