Greetings from new member

[Secondsister]

Hello,
I am here to help navigate my relationship with my mother who seems to have many BPD traits. Recently I tried to have an honest conversation with my mother regarding the secret paternity of my sister and I pushed her too hard trying to get validation for the impact her secret had on my sisters and me. I approached the conversation as being with the mother I want to have rather than the mother that likely suffers from BPD. I triggered her and she said some hurtful things. I am here to process and accept the mother I have rather than the mother I want, and grieve the loss of the mother that could give me what I need emotionally. I also want to continue my relationship with her as lovingly as possible. I am trying to walk the line between being supportive and loving to her while at the same to maintaining my identity and boundaries and not just reacting to her pain and feelings of rejection. I am going to read through some topics. Thank you for being here. I do not need responses, I just wanted to introduce myself with a basic summary of who I am and why I am here.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome SecondSister! 

We're family here so you're now wrapped in belonging to us. 

I commend you on coming to the place of this:

I am here to process and accept the mother I have rather than the mother I want, and grieve the loss of the mother that could give me what I need emotionally. 

Tough stuff accompanied by lots of emotions. We're on the journey with you. My mom was an uBPD, and oh, how well I understand. Have you seen the Survivor's Guide? It's the 3rd post on the list of topics on this board, Survivor to Thriver program.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

 
Wools

[Secondsister]

Thank you!

[pursuingJoy]

Recently I tried to have an honest conversation with my mother regarding the secret paternity of my sister and I pushed her too hard trying to get validation for the impact her secret had on my sisters and me.

My BPD MIL had an awful mother (either BPD and/or NPD) who refused to divulge the identity of MIL's father, even on her deathbed. It's been a pain point for MIL.

With her permission, I purchased an Ancestry DNA kit and submitted MIL's DNA for testing. They have the most extensive genealogical databases. So far, we've found cousins on her dad's side. Just wanted to share in case you're interested in doing the same for your sister. It gets tricky, you wouldn't want your mom to know, but IMHO your sister is an adult and has the right to know.