This may be the end

[Boogie74]

While performing the (mostly) nightly ritual of rubbing her feet, she became upset because the odor of the lotion I was using was transferring to the bed sheets and she hypothesized that a fly infestation (which she doesn’t want to call an exterminator for OR our apartment maintenance)  could be attracted to the lotion odor.   She asked me to put socks on her bare feet.   I put one sock on- and she told me it was wrinkled on the bottom of her foot- except it wasn’t.   I fixed it several ways and she insisted I was wrong and not doing my best to fix it.   

I offered to get my phone and take a picture so she could see it was on properly.   I got back with my phone and reached for her foot- which she yanked away from me yelling “ouch” and then she kicked me in the stomach.    I got up and walked out of the room.   We have  a metal baby gate to stop our cats from coming into that bedroom.   I closed the gate behind me and she stormed to the door, opened the gate violently and wound up holding it in the air (after it came out from the doorway). She was shaking the gate and advancing on me.   I backed away from her and told her that I am calling the police. 

She started screaming at me that she didn’t swing the gate at me and I was making it all up.   She screamed and cried “Why would you want to ruin my life by lying about this?” 

The whole thing, in her mind, was all my fault- and I had hurt her by grabbing her foot- so kicking me in the stomach was justified to her.

In the end, I didn’t call the police- as more often than not, the police around here don’t acknowledge female on male domestic violence and I had no injury- so I feared being arrested for some BS lie she would tell them.

She told me she’s moving out.  (Bad timing for me), in response I told her that’s fine- but I don’t want any of her violent alcoholic brothers in the house.   One of them has a CCL and I don’t trust either of them to be “peace keepers”

I am realmy hurting right now.   I have reached out to an attorney to help get a restraining order if and when this goes down.   

Please help me!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rev]

Hi Boogie,

Wow... That's really rough. And I hear you about not wanting to call the police. There is substantial research that indicates that men suffer domestic abuse at rates similar to those that women do. At least in Canada, the United States and Britain.  And there is also evidence that they are often not believed. Fact is that, most of the time,  the police just don't have the tools to deal with male victims.

So - your reaction is totally understandable. Maybe not calling the police was even the right thing to do.

So - you are asking for help.  Given what you have written here - there is really only one thing I can say.

When it is safe for you - leave. Just leave.   If you are at the stage of needing to call the police - you need to get some physical distance between the two of you before this escalates.

Do you have friends who can help you?  I had a couple who gave me a place to stay while I got my life back together.

If it's not safe for you - physically, psychologically or otherwise - get a plan in place.

Not sure where you are - support groups for men are hard to come by.  But there is one organization that I know of in Canada if you are interested.


Rev

[NotAHero]

Are you doing ok ? Any updates ?

[Boogie74]

Are you doing ok ? Any updates ?

So far I’m ok.   She is still splitting big time.   If she mentions something and I ask for more information inquisitively, she snaps at me.

“So you tried to fix the washing machine?” (I believe most people understand this as “Tell me more about what happened”)

“I f’ing told you I did, didn’t I?  Why are you asking again?”