What to do with “gifts” from uBPD/NPD mother

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi all,

I am have gone almost NC with my mother over the past year. A couple months ago she sends me an out of the blue package with a card and some gifts, including clothing. Any thoughts on what should I do with this stuff?

[Couscous]

Hi all,

I am have gone almost NC with my mother over the past year. A couple months ago she sends me an out of the blue package with a card and some gifts, including clothing. Any thoughts on what should I do with this stuff?

[wmm]

You could donate the clothing. Wearing it might bring back difficult memories. Personally, I would get rid of the card but if it brings up good memories you could keep it.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Couscous,

What would you like to do with the package? Are you comfortable in keeping it, or do you feel as if there are strings attached? I think it's really important to remember that you get to choose what you do with it. So often we children of a BPD parent feel as if there is obligation, or somehow we will have to pay for the gift later on. Is there an option of just enjoying it, or is that out of the question? I'm not trying to direct you a certain way, just wanting to encourage you to think outside of the box that we often feel like we are trapped in with no way out.

I'll be curious what you decide. My uBPDm passed away, and I have some things that I have kept, and some things that I have given away. I've been able to freely make the choices and can enjoy a few items that she gave me. It's taken time for me to be able to separate the behaviors of my uBPDm from the gifts, but I have been able to do so with time. Some things I just set aside and put away until a later time when I could approach them again to make a decision.

 
Wools

[beatricex]

hi Couscous,
My Mom sent me birthday and sometimes Christmas cards for the 7 years I was previously no contact with her.  I threw them out, unopened.  I may have opened one, it was sugary sweet "your Dad and I LOOVVVEEE and miss you XOXO."  gag me

Anyway, what do you feel like doing with the gifts?  Maybe you could donate the clothes?

After I resumed contact, she regifted gifts I had given her back to me for about 7 years. 

Tacky.

BTW, I recently went NC again, very quietly this time, like I just stopped talking to her and both my husband and I have her blocked on our phones and email.  I don't expect a card or Christmas gift, since she's been giving such crappy ones, but I'll let you know if I do get one, and what I do with it!

((Couscous)

b

[Couscous]

I’m thinking I will just stash them somewhere out of sight for now and see how I feel in a year (or 10) when hopefully I will have developed a bit more “immunity”, to her manipulations.