Christmas Card

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I sent my friend with bpd who discarded me in August a Christmas Card. He of course is ignoring it. I am so depressed, I've been crying all day. I just miss him so much.

[idk123]

I sent my friend with bpd who discarded me in August a Christmas Card. He of course is ignoring it. I am so depressed, I've been crying all day. I just miss him so much.

[Phoenix910]

Do you have a mutual friend you can talk to about this? Or one of his family members?

[idk123]

No, unfortunately the only two peoplee I know who have contact with him, or he will respond to are both also people with diagnosed and untreated personality disorders. One has NPD and she sort of used me as a free therapist for an entire month while going through a crisis and then the one time I messaged her telling her I wasn't doing well she told me to see a therapist and leave her alone. The other one is an alcoholic who has BPD and did once contact this guy, but he was drunk and wound up telling him straight up lies and badmouthing me in a weird bid to manipulate him into being my friend again (he said he planned on "winning him over" by making him think he was on "his side"). That friend is now avoiding me because I was actively trying to get him into rehab and also he didn't want to tell the other friend that he'd lied about me, despite promising for 2 months now that he would.

[once removed]

the honest truth is that when a relationship (of any kind) is going through an upheaval, it can be very difficult to know how to respond to these sorts of overtures.

i was going through a breakup in my senior year of high school. my dad suggested that i get my ex (whom i wanted back) some flowers. i did a whole romantic thing. she didnt respond. god bless my dad, but it was terrible advice.

when we did finally speak, she told me its not every day that your ex sends you flowers. she didnt know what to do with it.

your friend probably didnt either.

that doesnt necessarily make it hurt any less, i know. but it is some explanation.

youre having a hard time this holiday season, and in previous holiday seasons, i know, and as one person to another who struggles with OCD, there are a lot of other areas you might invest in that will help the feelings of loneliness and isolation.

[Goosey]

The holidays are very difficult for people at a loss of a loved one.  I wish all of us peace that we did all we could to be helpful and compassionate, not to dwell if it went unnoticed or unheeded. We cared then we care now, with the blessing of healing ourselves over time.
    Regain balance, self respect, and sanity.
   Been a long long process for me and I thank this forum for the support.  Spring is soon.

[idk123]

I have no friends in this city other than him. I cannot see my family because I have severe contamination OCD that developed after a sexual assault. This is my third Christmas completely alone. I can't see my family. He was the only person who made me feel at all happy in the past three years

[grumpydonut]

Slight tangent, but I also have OCD. Are you doing ERP therapy?

[idk123]

I can't go to therapy right now. I do my own ERP and my ocd has actually improved quite a bit, particularly when he was around because it encouraged me to go out and challenge myself more. My OCD was ridiculously severe for almost a full year. I was staying awake for 24+ hours everyday because I had so many rituals just to be able to eat and get food that I needed to be awake that long. I lost a significant amount of weight and was washing myself with a corrosive bleach cleaning product, as well as washing my food in actual bleach. My hair and nails were falling out and off. I was unable to wear clothing in my apartment and had bags on my feet and head . I was essentially like Howard Hughes. I probably would have died if my mother hadn't finally intervened and had a Form 1 put out on me. All of this was because I was sexually assaulted and felt unclean. Now I still struggle with the ocd, but my apartment is normal again, my hair is grown back, I no longer wear bags, and I am able to go outside everyday. All of this was really heavily influenced by just having a friend like him. I didn't let him know that, because I knew that would make him uncomfortable and also at the end of the day, I got better on my own. He can't fix my OCD any more than I could fix his BPD, but I miss our little adventures and conversation.

[idk123]

he never  contacted me.