There was like a 2 week window right after we broke up that she was able to see the grey area and the nuance and be appreciative for what we had. That window slammed shut for no reason, and all this rage and scorched earth mentality rushed in.
That's 8 years of my life gone, and the good times are gone with them now that she's telling everyone I'm an abuser. Any hope or no?
Same here my friend. The splitting black is unavoidable in BPD, their pain, guilt or shame is just to big for them to handle after or even before an impending breakup - it's already near impossible for us sometimes - and this activates their splitting defenses.
It's horrible, i was just thinking about this today that from one moment to the next, poof, this person forgets all the good times and the good in you, and just overpaints your very being with evil ink. And they seemingly draw incredible energy from that to start over. It's almost like the person you knew died, something else took its place, and perhaps that might be the healthiest way to look at it for us.
Hope is a false gift. My wife came back the moment i was wholly ready to move on after a 6 months separation. Now after a 4 year recycle, just at the time that i thought the time was ripe to start living again with the kids slowly moving out of the house... bam, speedy devaluation, followed by an even quicker separation.
The thing is, what gives you hope might be be a point of stress for them that makes them flip, and you invested years more into your life, where you could have built a new more solid foundation.
To answer your questions:
yes, they can split white again, especially when they have a few negative encounters along the way that gives them (a) new target(s) to split black.
no, it can not be miraculously enforced. If anyone knew a trick to do that they would probably be very rich in no time :-) Acceptance of the facts, healing yourself and moving on is the only proven formula.
