BPD boyfriend controlling and unrealistic expectations covid

[Lovingsoulgirl]

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, there have been lots of ups and downs.
He is very similar to my mum in nature,
Both have all the symptoms of BPD of the narcissistic kind.
Unfortunately I think I may have BPD too but in the form of I get attached and have abandonment issues, I know I'm emotionally co-dependent.
I'm currently unwell with covid the past 3 weeks, I got it from my boyfriend. He was unwell and didn't tell me and wouldn't do a test. We were both unwell at my house and all he kept saying I was lazy for not doing the dishes even tho I had paid for a takeaway for us.
When I'm at his house and he's tired after work,I regularly wash up his stuff and cook and even buy dinner (ironically he's the one with the much larger income)
At first I started to help with it but now he expects it all the time.
He also said he wasn't attracted to me because I didn't look very good (I put a little makeup on for him and who looks good being really poorly?)
He moaned I was fat (reoccurring theme last two years..I'm size 10! ) My tum was a tiny bit swollen as I was near my period.
My hair was brown and he kept saying how great it would look black..I recently did it black.. to then have him say he preferred it brown.
So my question to you guys is, am I the one in the wrong with my insecurity ? Or is he being a narcissist?
The latest the other day was out the blue a message saying he doesn't like me and needs space and I said I'm still poorly but ok. He then said my covid is not his problem.. yet claims to love me other times.. I feel I've got more unwell because I feel rejected and at a loss, on edge and panicky. He isn't as poorly as I am and being asthmatic my risks are slightly higher of it being worse. I said could he pop over and we just have a cuddle and chill together..he's flatly refused.. it's a push and pull thing.. throughout past two years.. he accused me of cheating the other week because a male friend text me about starwars.. I would never cheat on him I'm totally devoted..maybe that's the problem.. any feedback or similar situations to know of would be helpful. Thanks in advance.

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[Sancho]

Hi Lovingsoulgirl
I think you are in the wrong section as this thread is for parent/step and children. But reading you post I think - wow alarm bells ringing! He seems to be able to put you down in many different ways and is quite demanding. He doesn't see the effort you are putting into the relationship.

It seems as though you have separate spaces? That is so good! I hope you can take a break from this relationship long enough to really value yourself more.

I read the other day something like 'To be happy in life, set a goal for yourself. Don't let your happiness depend on other people'.

I thought a lot about that one!

[Lovingsoulgirl]

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, there have been lots of ups and downs.
He is very similar to my mum in nature,
Both have all the symptoms of BPD of the narcissistic kind.
Unfortunately I think I may have BPD too but in the form of I get attached and have abandonment issues, I know I'm emotionally co-dependent.
I'm currently unwell with covid the past 3 weeks, I got it from my boyfriend. He was unwell and didn't tell me and wouldn't do a test. We were both unwell at my house and all he kept saying I was lazy for not doing the dishes even tho I had paid for a takeaway for us.
When I'm at his house and he's tired after work,I regularly wash up his stuff and cook and even buy dinner (ironically he's the one with the much larger income)
At first I started to help with it but now he expects it all the time.
He also said he wasn't attracted to me because I didn't look very good (I put a little makeup on for him and who looks good being really poorly?)
He moaned I was fat (reoccurring theme last two years..I'm size 10! ) My tum was a tiny bit swollen as I was near my period.
My hair was brown and he kept saying how great it would look black..I recently did it black.. to then have him say he preferred it brown.
So my question to you guys is, am I the one in the wrong with my insecurity ? Or is he being a narcissist?
The latest the other day was out the blue a message saying he doesn't like me and needs space and I said I'm still poorly but ok. He then said my covid is not his problem.. yet claims to love me other times.. I feel I've got more unwell because I feel rejected and at a loss, on edge and panicky. He isn't as poorly as I am and being asthmatic my risks are slightly higher of it being worse. I said could he pop over and we just have a cuddle and chill together..he's flatly refused.. it's a push and pull thing.. throughout past two years.. he accused me of cheating the other week because a male friend text me about starwars.. I would never cheat on him I'm totally devoted..maybe that's the problem.. any feedback or similar situations to know of would be helpful. Thanks in advance.

[CdnErinBPDMom]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope to only help you, and this is my first time replying here, but your post is heartbreaking.
I agree with the other reply — relieved you have your own home. I think you would benefit from getting away from such a toxic person. He seems to take pleasure in yanking your chain, so to speak. Insulting your weight (a size 10, which is generally about normal & average weight!) and your hair & so on. It is psychological abuse to the extreme. He is a very sick person from the sounds of it, but it’s like a toxic slime oozing off of him & engulfing you — and essentially suffocating you.

Take some time to put the pieces back together that he seems to have torn apart, maybe talk to a therapist/counsellor that can help you relearn your worth, and to love and value yourself again. Maybe you never got to learn that to begin with, since you mentioned your mom maybe having BPD, too.

Again, I’m sorry you are going through this, but please stay on this website/forum. There is so much support here, from what I’ve seen.

I hope you get better from the Covid infection quickly, too. Take care of yourself & rest. You deserve a good life, whether it is as a single person, or in a healthy relationship with someone who TRULY cares about you, and would never dream of insulting you or hurting you, that values you for yourself.