Ex has fallen back into old behavior

[Deidara_12]

So my ex has found my replacement. Honestly it hurt seeing it at first but I know the guy. He has a kid...and sells coke. Everyone that knows about it was texting me telling me she's downgraded. I feel a little vindicated but at the same time I'm sad. Not sad because she's gone or moved on, but because it looks like she's going down the path of becoming a drug addict again. Her parents loved me because they know I have goals, ambition and wasn't a degenerate so i can only imagine their response when they see him. She told me I was her first healthy relationship, but now I see she's gone back to something she's more familiar with, deadbeat men with nothing going for them. I know I sound spiteful but I don't intend to. I know realistically I was the best thing for her but she made her choice. I can promise 100% that if she ends up falling apart again I will not be picking up any of the pieces.

[Turkish]

That sounds very tough to hear about... and sad that she's relapsing. It's like hope was there, and then robbed or defeated.

It's a 1-2 gut punch to be "replaced." One, the hurt; two, the thoughts that if only our partners had stayed, their lives would have been so much better. What do you feel?

[SinisterComplex]

That sounds very tough to hear about... and sad that she's relapsing. It's like hope was there, and then robbed or defeated.

It's a 1-2 gut punch to be "replaced." One, the hurt; two, the thoughts that if only our partners had stayed, their lives would have been so much better. What do you feel?

As my partner in crime Turk states here it is definitely a kick in the nuts.

The only thing I wanted to add on as food for thought is more perspective from another angle...

"The thought that if only our partners had stayed, their lives would have been so much better." - D12...Turk's thought here is certainly true and I am pretty sure many of us have shared. However, like I said I am providing food for thought from another perspective. Yes you may have had that thought, but I have to flip the question back onto you and put the spotlight on you and you solely...Her life would have been better if she stayed, but do you feel or think YOUR life would have been so much better?

And my friend just wanted to let you know...we have your back here and I am happy to see your thought process that you will not be a doormat and pick up the pieces of humpty dumpty for her. For your sake I hope you can stay the course while also being able to work through the pain and remain positive moving forward for yourself.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Turkish]

To build upon what SC said, 9 years out, and I still not sure if it had been better if she hadn't left. My friends say,  yeah! That my life is better. I tend to agree, though sometimes I still miss her... and that's OK to feel what I do.

[2020]

A day off six weeks since the amputation for me, and I think I need to echo what has already been said above. Yes, we may indeed have been the best thing for them, at the very least from our perspective. The reality is, it wasn’t enough and it was likely never going to be enough.

I dedicated many years into my partner’s mental illness. I was there for her the whole way, 100%. My efforts were rarely appreciated. More often than not I was abused and painted out to be a psychopathic a***hole to her family. They were never there for her; they have no idea of the reality of her illness. They will get a glimpse now though. But who cares? The only good thing is I am not around that daily mental  bull .

We may have been good for them, but they were not good for us. That is the shift in my thinking, six weeks after the fall.

[SinisterComplex]

A day off six weeks since the amputation for me, and I think I need to echo what has already been said above. Yes, we may indeed have been the best thing for them, at the very least from our perspective. The reality is, it wasn’t enough and it was likely never going to be enough.

I dedicated many years into my partner’s mental illness. I was there for her the whole way, 100%. My efforts were rarely appreciated. More often than not I was abused and painted out to be a psychopathic a***hole to her family. They were never there for her; they have no idea of the reality of her illness. They will get a glimpse now though. But who cares? The only good thing is I am not around that daily mental  bull .

We may have been good for them, but they were not good for us. That is the shift in my thinking, six weeks after the fall.

^^^This is powerful because it shows you are grasping that you have to take care of YOU. Stick with that thinking because it will help you heal and make you stronger moving forward. The only word of caution that I have though is that you cannot let the negative feelings of anger over the situation build bitterness in you.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-