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Author Topic: BPD ex friends during relationship and after  (Read 133 times)
Trex01

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 5


« on: November 24, 2022, 05:29:49 PM »

Is it just me or have others experienced a BPD ex that would speak badly about friends and family and refused to do stuff with them only to turn around and seek support from the same family and mutual friends they spoke badly of and did not want to be around?
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Tupla Sport
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 123



« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2022, 11:59:17 PM »

Triangulation, positive and negative, is a big part of the BPD playbook. They often set up a third person or party as the perpetrator or benefactor and then proceed to dump their unfiltered emotions about them to you.

My ex talked PLEASE READ about my best friend and then proceeded to date him immediately when I gave into her demand to have a break. Also the random guys on social media who shared her interests went from the coolest dudes ever to the creepiest of creeps when she let them too close (and thus also cheated on me emotionally).

Ultimately the triangle often spins around and means very little. It can be an awkward attempt at obfuscating the truth ("Don't worry, I could *never* imagine dating him, he's a creep!") or just an example of their weather vane spinning about. It's got a lot to do with their black and white world. The same object may appear the best or the worst on a whim.
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SinisterComplex
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 849



« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2022, 12:10:51 AM »

Is it just me or have others experienced a BPD ex that would speak badly about friends and family and refused to do stuff with them only to turn around and seek support from the same family and mutual friends they spoke badly of and did not want to be around?

It is quite common behavior. It is nothing out of the ordinary. BPD at its core is a paradox. That is perhaps the best way to approach it with your mind...the behaviors will be inconsistently consistent.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-
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tina7868
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 89



« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2022, 09:47:01 AM »

Excerpt
Is it just me or have others experienced a BPD ex that would speak badly about friends and family and refused to do stuff with them only to turn around and seek support from the same family and mutual friends they spoke badly of and did not want to be around?

Definitely happened in my case as well. I commend you for recognizing it, it helps a lot to take a distance from this type of behaviour.

My ex would talk about how friends and family were so horrible to him. This made me feel protective of him and console him, wanting to offer my support. And then he'd turn around and say how important they were in his life, which made me so confused and almost defensive. All of a sudden, I was the one viewing things from a negative light.
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imstillhere89
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 60


« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2022, 10:41:19 AM »

As Tupla said it's triangulation. But in my opinion also black and white thinking. One day all those people are all white, another - all black. Scary...
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