Looking for advice or anyone that can relate

Hello! This is my first post. I went through a rough break-up a few weeks ago and I am very happy I found this forum. For context, my now ex-boyfriend is confirmed/diagnosed with bpd. We were together over 1.5 years. I thought we were going to move in together. We got into an argument, it was very short and ended with him blocking me from calling or texting. I thought he needed just a few days to cool-off, but I was blocked for over two weeks. I didn't try to reach out in other forms (like social media) I thought about showing up at his place, but felt as though that would go badly or be perceived as stalking. So I just went no contact, I had no choice.

By the end of two weeks, he started adding me and unadding me on Snapchat (we are in our thirties btw). I assume he was trying to get my attention in some way. I was confused by this and thought it childish, so I did not engage. I figured, if he wants to communicate, unblock me and we can call or text. I am thinking this is an example of a charm tactic? One night I did receive a text from him - it was odd, putting the blame on me, thinking I was the one who moved on to someone else, he even said he was hoping I would randomly show up because he "likes a little crazy." So I tried to respond to this one and only text, but I was still blocked. So I took to snapchat where he wanted to communicate. We did end up meeting for a conversation. It felt good to see him face to face and I guess get closure. But what is breaking my heart is I feel like I messed up everything. That I should have reached out sooner somehow. I should have been more aware of his triggers. I can't stop blaming myself, I feel like I should have tried harder in that last conversation that I want to make it work. I realize I was discarded and splitting took place. Even in our last conversation it was all about the things I did wrong. He didn't even acknowledge he cut off communication with me which was so cruel and cold.

I am unblocked now. But don't even know what I would say. Even though I would love to reconnect (I don't know why, I miss him). And I'm secretly hoping for a recycle (a term I've just learned about).Typing this out has been cathartic. I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced similar and how they got over it. Thank you for reading.



Diagnosis + Treatment The Big Picture Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ] Five Dimensions of Human Personality Think It's BPD but How Can I Know? DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders Treatment of BPD [ Video ] Getting a Loved One Into Therapy Top 50 Questions Members Ask Home page Forum List of discussion groups Making a first post Find last post Discussion group guidelines Tips Romantic relationship in or near breakup Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD Sibling or Parent with BPD Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD Partner or Spouse with BPD Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship Tools Wisemind Ending conflict (3 minute lesson) Listen with Empathy Don't Be Invalidating Setting boundaries On-line CBT Book reviews Member workshops About Mission and Purpose Website Policies Membership Eligibility Please Donate