Looking for advice or anyone that can relate - break up

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello! This is my first post. I went through a rough break-up a few weeks ago and I am very happy I found this forum. For context, my now ex-boyfriend is confirmed/diagnosed with bpd. We were together over 1.5 years. I thought we were going to move in together. We got into an argument, it was very short and ended with him blocking me from calling or texting. I thought he needed just a few days to cool-off, but I was blocked for over two weeks. I didn't try to reach out in other forms (like social media) I thought about showing up at his place, but felt as though that would go badly or be perceived as stalking. So I just went no contact, I had no choice.

By the end of two weeks, he started adding me and unadding me on Snapchat (we are in our thirties btw). I assume he was trying to get my attention in some way. I was confused by this and thought it childish, so I did not engage. I figured, if he wants to communicate, unblock me and we can call or text. I am thinking this is an example of a charm tactic? One night I did receive a text from him - it was odd, putting the blame on me, thinking I was the one who moved on to someone else, he even said he was hoping I would randomly show up because he "likes a little crazy." So I tried to respond to this one and only text, but I was still blocked. So I took to snapchat where he wanted to communicate. We did end up meeting for a conversation. It felt good to see him face to face and I guess get closure. But what is breaking my heart is I feel like I messed up everything. That I should have reached out sooner somehow. I should have been more aware of his triggers. I can't stop blaming myself, I feel like I should have tried harder in that last conversation that I want to make it work. I realize I was discarded and splitting took place. Even in our last conversation it was all about the things I did wrong. He didn't even acknowledge he cut off communication with me which was so cruel and cold.

I am unblocked now. But don't even know what I would say. Even though I would love to reconnect (I don't know why, I miss him). And I'm secretly hoping for a recycle (a term I've just learned about).Typing this out has been cathartic. I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced similar and how they got over it. Thank you for reading.

[Anon1195]

Hello! This is my first post. I went through a rough break-up a few weeks ago and I am very happy I found this forum. For context, my now ex-boyfriend is confirmed/diagnosed with bpd. We were together over 1.5 years. I thought we were going to move in together. We got into an argument, it was very short and ended with him blocking me from calling or texting. I thought he needed just a few days to cool-off, but I was blocked for over two weeks. I didn't try to reach out in other forms (like social media) I thought about showing up at his place, but felt as though that would go badly or be perceived as stalking. So I just went no contact, I had no choice.

By the end of two weeks, he started adding me and unadding me on Snapchat (we are in our thirties btw). I assume he was trying to get my attention in some way. I was confused by this and thought it childish, so I did not engage. I figured, if he wants to communicate, unblock me and we can call or text. I am thinking this is an example of a charm tactic? One night I did receive a text from him - it was odd, putting the blame on me, thinking I was the one who moved on to someone else, he even said he was hoping I would randomly show up because he "likes a little crazy." So I tried to respond to this one and only text, but I was still blocked. So I took to snapchat where he wanted to communicate. We did end up meeting for a conversation. It felt good to see him face to face and I guess get closure. But what is breaking my heart is I feel like I messed up everything. That I should have reached out sooner somehow. I should have been more aware of his triggers. I can't stop blaming myself, I feel like I should have tried harder in that last conversation that I want to make it work. I realize I was discarded and splitting took place. Even in our last conversation it was all about the things I did wrong. He didn't even acknowledge he cut off communication with me which was so cruel and cold.

I am unblocked now. But don't even know what I would say. Even though I would love to reconnect (I don't know why, I miss him). And I'm secretly hoping for a recycle (a term I've just learned about).Typing this out has been cathartic. I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced similar and how they got over it. Thank you for reading.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rev]

Good evening Anon,

Welcome! Really sorry for what brought you here. Really happy that you found us.

I'd invite you to take a look around, visit the site a little.

In the meantime, I'd just like to say that what you are experiencing is normal, although not fun by any means.

I am answering this a bit on the run. I'll check in with you tomorrow?

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev