Does this sound like BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I believe today was my official discard.

...

And here’s the worst part, she’s totally oblivious to the illness effecting her in the slightest. I get that’s every untreated pwBPD, but it’s beyond frustrating and heartbreaking to witness it for myself. I truly loved that girl and my heart is very heavy losing her. Even though I know it’s impossible, I still was praying somehow she’d snap out of it and see things clearly eventually. Remember all the good times we had, remember all the things I’ve done for her. This disorder is truly a terrible terrible thing. For them and nons alike…

I am genuinely sorry for you loss, sending you virtual hugs.   

Most people with high-functioning pwBPD cannot accept or even recognize that they are borderline.  As a result, 3/4 of all diagnosable borderlines are not diagnosed.  Of the ones that are diagnosed, they are the more violent ones and have more pronounced symptoms as being borderline, like all mental health issues exists on a spectrum, some are high-functioning, others are not.

That said, even though I know you are of heavy heart -- even though it doesn't seem this way now, consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet, I speak from personal experience on this from my first dance with the borderline [I am nearing the end of my 2nd dance].

Please see your therapist about this, so you can process your feelings better.

I will wrap this up, with my number one piece of advice, and that is to do 'self-care' - make sure it includes individual therapy, exercise outdoors [as simple as a walk], among other activities that you enjoy doing to recharge your spirit.

Take care.

[SaltyDawg]

So I believe today was my official discard.

...

And here’s the worst part, she’s totally oblivious to the illness effecting her in the slightest. I get that’s every untreated pwBPD, but it’s beyond frustrating and heartbreaking to witness it for myself. I truly loved that girl and my heart is very heavy losing her. Even though I know it’s impossible, I still was praying somehow she’d snap out of it and see things clearly eventually. Remember all the good times we had, remember all the things I’ve done for her. This disorder is truly a terrible terrible thing. For them and nons alike…

I am genuinely sorry for you loss, sending you virtual hugs.   

Most people with high-functioning pwBPD cannot accept or even recognize that they are borderline.  As a result, 3/4 of all diagnosable borderlines are not diagnosed.  Of the ones that are diagnosed, they are the more violent ones and have more pronounced symptoms as being borderline, like all mental health issues exists on a spectrum, some are high-functioning, others are not.

That said, even though I know you are of heavy heart -- even though it doesn't seem this way now, consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet, I speak from personal experience on this from my first dance with the borderline [I am nearing the end of my 2nd dance].

Please see your therapist about this, so you can process your feelings better.

I will wrap this up, with my number one piece of advice, and that is to do 'self-care' - make sure it includes individual therapy, exercise outdoors [as simple as a walk], among other activities that you enjoy doing to recharge your spirit.

Take care.

[Pook075]

And here’s the worst part, she’s totally oblivious to the illness effecting her in the slightest. I get that’s every untreated pwBPD, but it’s beyond frustrating and heartbreaking to witness it for myself. I truly loved that girl and my heart is very heavy losing her. Even though I know it’s impossible, I still was praying somehow she’d snap out of it and see things clearly eventually. Remember all the good times we had, remember all the things I’ve done for her. This disorder is truly a terrible terrible thing. For them and nons alike…

I'm so sorry man, but that's her overwhelming fear of abandonment that keeps her from making logical decisions.  And until she gets help, those patterns will repeat throughout her lifetime.  Eventually she'll snap on the ex and your phone will be ringing, and it may seem like it's a fresh start.  But it probably won't be, it's just another trip around the ferris wheel.

None of us can tell you what to do here, but we all understand that you love her and want what's best for her.  Everyone here wants what's best for you as well.  It's so incredibly tough but I'm glad you found us at least.

[Gutt3rSnipe]

I am genuinely sorry for you loss, sending you virtual hugs.    

Most people with high-functioning pwBPD cannot accept or even recognize that they are borderline.  As a result, 3/4 of all diagnosable borderlines are not diagnosed.  Of the ones that are diagnosed, they are the more violent ones and have more pronounced symptoms as being borderline, like all mental health issues exists on a spectrum, some are high-functioning, others are not.

That said, even though I know you are of heavy heart -- even though it doesn't seem this way now, consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet, I speak from personal experience on this from my first dance with the borderline [I am nearing the end of my 2nd dance].

Please see your therapist about this, so you can process your feelings better.

I will wrap this up, with my number one piece of advice, and that is to do 'self-care' - make sure it includes individual therapy, exercise outdoors [as simple as a walk], among other activities that you enjoy doing to recharge your spirit.

Take care.

I'm so sorry man, but that's her overwhelming fear of abandonment that keeps her from making logical decisions.  And until she gets help, those patterns will repeat throughout her lifetime.  Eventually she'll snap on the ex and your phone will be ringing, and it may seem like it's a fresh start.  But it probably won't be, it's just another trip around the ferris wheel.

None of us can tell you what to do here, but we all understand that you love her and want what's best for her.  Everyone here wants what's best for you as well.  It's so incredibly tough but I'm glad you found us at least.

Thank you guys so much for your advice and comforting during this fiasco I found myself in. I’m not the kinda guy that falls easily or often so I’m struggling pretty bad. I know you both went through far worse so I appreciate the words of wisdom. I think I’ll be alright eventually, it’s just gonna take some time and effort. I just really thought I finally found something real after so many other let downs in the past. All my siblings are happily married with kids and I’m the oldest of them.

Honestly, I started off really hating her fiancée, but the more I learn about this illness, I actually feel sorry for him and their children. The amount of things he must of put up with over five years has to be unreal. I’m sure you guys could testify to some nightmare fuel in your experiences in your relationships as well.

As to her coming back, I have a gut feeling she might one day. In the meantime, I’ll just have to prepare myself mentally to not give in. I know it would end badly again, and I don’t want to re open a wound I’ve already closed. Ya know. Thanks again guys!

[SaltyDawg]

You're welcome.

Do 'self-care' whatever that looks like for you.

A word of caution before you consider another relationship.  I have been to the borderline dance twice, both times unintentionally.  I find that my own personality attracts the 'CRAZY' like a flame attracts the beautiful moths at night.  So, if and when you do decide to dip your toes back into the dating scene be on the lookout for the signs of 'crazy'.  Others have already made lists of what that looks like, I am putting the links here so you may know what to look for.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=353716.0;all
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329294.0;all
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=334928.0

Take care, and be safe on your life's journey.

[Gutt3rSnipe]

You're welcome.

Do 'self-care' whatever that looks like for you.

A word of caution before you consider another relationship.  I have been to the borderline dance twice, both times unintentionally.  I find that my own personality attracts the 'CRAZY' like a flame attracts the beautiful moths at night.  So, if and when you do decide to dip your toes back into the dating scene be on the lookout for the signs of 'crazy'.  Others have already made lists of what that looks like, I am putting the links here so you may know what to look for.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=353716.0;all
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329294.0;all
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=334928.0

Take care, and be safe on your life's journey.

Thanks man. I’ve read through them. I think it’s going to be a good while before I even consider another relationship. This last one really put a bad taste in my mouth in that department. I’ll definitely be more diligent in the future to the checking of bpd red flags.