I'm so anxious I can't eat

[MustangLove]

My husband with bpd left on Friday. He is back living with his ex-wife. I am so upset that if I try to eat, I feel like I am going to vomit.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi MustangLove;

You sound beyond stressed. Really glad you felt like you could open up here about what's going on 

We can take this a step at a time. It's OK to not be able to eat right now. Your body is probably pretty overwhelmed. You can try again later, it's OK.

I think I remember you mentioning that you have a toddler? How are you doing with childcare today? And do you have to go to work at all?

Keep posting as much as you need to -- we'll be here.

-kells76

[Bella2798]

Oh dear, I can feel you. I guess I can't be much professional help as I'm still learning myself, but just wanted to say you're not alone. Reading people's post when my partner has broken up with me and I'm too stressed really makes me feel better, so I thought maybe it's better not to leave without saying hi.
I guess we are sometimes hard on ourselves when we neglect our physical needs due to stress and anxiety and we can even be unaware of this. But tell yourself that it's ok if you can't eat now. You're probably too stressed and you can try again later.
Take care of yourself as much as you can and keep posting whenever you need to. People are very kind and supportive here.

[MustangLove]

I haven't been able to eat much of anything for several days now. Friday, I did not eat anything at all, Saturday I ate half of a grilled cheese and felt like I was going to vomit, Sunday I ate half of a chicken slider and felt awful, and yesterday I managed to eat half of a rice crispy bar. Today so far, 2 peanut butter crackers.

I am at work today, I have missed too much work, partially because of my son being ill so often but partially because my bpd spouse would guilt me into staying home when he "needed" me. Now, I am trying to build up my PDO, but I can only use it and not get a point if I pre-plan the day off. So, if my son gets seriously sick again and I have to stay home with him I'll likely lose my job. Idk for sure though because my boss refuses to tell me how many points I have no matter how many times I ask her.

My spouse often would say he needed me and mention suicide or being afraid that he would take a handful of pills if left alone. So, I would stay home with him. Now, I had to put my foot down and say no because if I call off, I'll lose my job. He is not okay with me "choosing my job over him". But I explained that I love him, but I am paying for everything, and I cannot make the same money anywhere else.  He says he understands but when he wants my attention that understanding goes out the window.

He left on Friday and to be honest I pushed him away. After being told for several days that he just isn't happy with me I felt hopeless, and I told him to "divorce me then". As soon as I got home, and he was gone along with all of his belongings I regretted it. Since Friday I have been begging for him to come home and give us another chance. I've definitely made some mistakes and I've apologized for them and acknowledged his feelings and took accountability. But I also told him that if he comes home, he has to work. I cannot support our household by myself.

He says he understands. He says he is going to come tomorrow to talk to me in person. But he said that on Sunday too and didn't show up. So, I know I cannot get my hopes up. Also, even if he shows up that doesn't mean he will stay. Which really hurts. We just got married on March 25th. Now he is living with his ex-wife, and she is there in his ear all day telling him that we are not good for each other. I told him as long as he is living there, we do not have a fair chance.

Last night he called and said that his friend of 13 years called him and told him he is being stubborn and that he should fix his marriage because I'm a good person. He says his friend did not like his past 2 wife's. They are supposed to be having breakfast and talking this morning. I really hope he is able to get through to him.

The question I keep being asked is can I handle this, the answer is definitely no. But I do want another chance to have a successful relationship with him.