Daily insanity: I guess I just need to vent

[deadmouse]

First of all, hi to everyone on here! I’m so happy to have found this board!

Now, my story: I’ve been dating this guy for two years. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s, neither of us has kids.

Tbf, the red flags shone bright from the very beginning. I chose to ignore them because my pwBPD had just had three successive deaths in his family (grandmother and both parents), so I thought I’d cut him some slack.

In any case, it’s been a rollercoaster of total insanity from the get-go. He’ll get angry at anything, even when no trigger is present. He’ll remember something I said and twist it around so he can start blaming me. To hear him speak, you’d think I was the devil incarnate. I’m not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I’m an average human being, and just like the average human being I’m not out to kill the person I’m in love with. He flies off the handle regularly and starts breaking stuff in my apartment. He regularly calls me stupid as well as some rather lovely epithets that are a more salacious version of ‘harlot’. The next second I’m too clever for him and have an answer to everything. Then I’m an idiot, illustrated by ‘durrr’ noises. I know who and what I am, and I know reality doesn’t correspond to what he’s saying.

And don’t get me started on the bizarre get-rich-quick ideas. He wants to set up a stall in summer to sell cakes and honey, he wants to sell clothes or used bicycles. The naivety is what gets me most, paired with the fact he calls me naive. He must’ve picked up it’s something not too flattering, therefore it can be safely used to describe me. Whenever I voice my skeptical opinion regarding his business ideas, I’m being ‘negative’. There’s always some triangulation thrown in: his ex-gf went to the UK where she opened a beauty salon and earned 10k per month, his father was offered a job as a butcher where he would’ve earned 10k per month, he himself used to pull in 10k per month…the nonsense is endless.

The perceived slights all take place in his head, yet I’m to blame for everything. It seems as though he wants me to plead for forgiveness for sins I not only haven’t committed, but couldn’t come up with even if I wanted to. I love the times we have together when he’s not splitting on me, but I am feeling increasingly tired from all the pointless drama.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thankful person]

Hi dead mouse and welcome, glad you found us! Bpd family is honestly the most incredible group of people. It’s such a relief to be able to talk and share to people who get it and don’t judge or just tell you to leave. It takes a special kind of person to put up with a pwbpd relationship and jump through all the hoops necessary, and you will find much friendship and support here. Have you read, “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist”? It was really life-changing for me, along with the support on here. If you need help with specific situations or how you could better respond then people are always here to help with that. I’m so thankful for everything I’ve learnt here. So there are still “metaphorical hoops” you have to jump through, but it’s not all under your partner’s control and you get to take some power back. My relationship? Yeah not great but having said that things have still improved so so much since I joined bpd family two years ago. It will always be extra work and an unfair unbalanced relationship. But things can certainly get better by trying out new strategies and the tools on here. I learnt that my wife respects me more when I respect myself more. I still have a way to go. My wife said yesterday, “if I was a single person I would just let the next door cat in to stay the night, why do you get to make all the decisions?” My response, “if I was a single person, I’d invite my mother to stay.” Honestly that ended the conversation and funnily the cat did not end up staying. Good luck with the journey anyway!

[Chercher]

Hi deadmouse,

Thank you for posting and sharing. Your post definitely  resonated with me: the incessant blaming, twisting of the truth, the constant projections of his feelings, the resentment he feels toward you for being too clever, or for having a different opinion, and all the perceived slights.

I can definitely relate, and I understand how exhausting, infuriating and ridiculous it all feels. I am sorry you are on the bumpy path right now. Relationships with BPDs are not at all easy.