Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 15, 2025, 06:15:36 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Doing well but want to know if this the way  (Read 725 times)
sam_the_wise
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 61


« on: August 27, 2023, 11:52:35 AM »

I on advice of a therapist is am practicing meditation and observe how I feel physically and mentally when she says hurtful things and try to remain calm. For instance today she compared me to her freind’s husband and said she wanted a manly man like her husband and I am impotent. These are her words on the message she sent and later when I called she said I have been an impotent man. Shraddha is her friend.

“I want what Shraddha has. That has always been my idea of marriage and family.
A dependable, responsible, mature, and protective man who can be the father of my children.
But since you’re none of that with me, you can’t be the father of my children, and that dream is slowly dying with each passing day.”

I observed my face getting hot and heart beat racing and I didn’t defend or fight back. I now see this as things said to me to motivate me. I also see it as her expression of hopelessness as I lack those qualities. I told her I understand how you feel and I know it is because of lack of qualities in me. I am working on it and will improve and I am sorry that you have to suffer meanwhile. I also have found a therapist who doesn’t empathize with how hurt I am on contrary tells me to not feel sorry for myself and man up. I am told I am man, I am not supposed to get hurt, especially when I lack man like characteristics of protection, my wife has right to say compare me and whatever she wants to say in her emotions, all of it is true as well. If I am not being there for her I am emotionally absent on top of being unmanly and “not-protective”. So,  I now listen to all this, say sorry and thank her for bearing with me and work on being manly.


Is this how it is done? Is this empathizing?
« Last Edit: August 27, 2023, 03:18:43 PM by sam_the_wise » Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

sam_the_wise
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 61


« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2023, 03:18:55 PM »

Nevermind I lost it. She criticized me for social drinking and connected to how non protective I am and l lost it. I yelled. I told her that if I am not suitable to be father you are not suitable to be mother, your kids will be serial killers with a overly critical mother like you. I am still fuming and angry and I think I am going to be punished for this later.
Logged
thankful person
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1042

Formerly known as broken person…


« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2023, 05:10:28 PM »

It’s a process, look after yourself as you would a small child, tell yourself you’re doing your best in impossible circumstances. We should not have to put up with this abuse and we don’t deserve it. It’s understandable that you got pushed over the edge and we’ve all said things we regret in a moment of anger, but with a pwbpd this can cause worse problems than it would for a regular person. I generally find it counter-intuitive to fight back these days, but yes my wife does still push me over the edge at times, even just a couple of months ago. Be kind to yourself and don’t give up.
Logged

“Maybe I’ll get it right next time…” from “Estranged” by Guns N’ Roses
sam_the_wise
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 61


« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2023, 06:17:06 PM »

I never have guts to just break it. I am starting to come down and feel guilty.
Logged
FarDrop77

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 39


« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2023, 07:47:16 PM »


I am working on it and will improve and I am sorry that you have to suffer meanwhile. I also have found a therapist who doesn’t empathize with how hurt I am on contrary tells me to not feel sorry for myself and man up. I am told I am man, I am not supposed to get hurt, especially when I lack man like characteristics of protection, my wife has right to say compare me and whatever she wants to say in her emotions, all of it is true as well. If I am not being there for her I am emotionally absent on top of being unmanly and “not-protective”. So,  I now listen to all this, say sorry and thank her for bearing with me and work on being manly.


Is this how it is done? Is this empathizing?

I'm confused as to what makes your wife think you're not manly and not protective.  And why does your therapist think you haven't "manned up" enough?  It doesn't sound very therapist-like to agree with the things a pwbpd says when they are splitting.  Or is that more your interpretation of what they said?
Logged
sam_the_wise
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 61


« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2023, 11:17:27 PM »

It is about how I am not emotionally available and how I don’t rise up the occasion whenever she is expressing herself. In everyone’s opinion I am a looser who can not even take responsibility of my own mistake.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!