Significant others with BPD (and addiction)

[Wred]

Anyone have any nightmare stories regarding significant others with borderline personality disorder?

Through extensive research and talk with therapists I have pretty much determined that the love of my life, who, after being sober for five years, relapsed on Xanax, and 14 months later died of a heroin overdose, absolutely had BPD. The list of symptoms is like a biography.

I think I’m finally at the end of accepting what happened and moving on, but I also noticed that a relapse of drug use, specifically Xanax, and lots of it, along with kratom every single day all day, seemed to heighten and trigger the symptoms of BPD.

Some of the traits were there and were mild, and I could deal with it, but once the benzos came in to play, every single symptom of BPD seemed to come out and be heightened to unbelievable levels.

Cheating on me, treating me like s***, showing no remorse, never admitting when she’s wrong, etc., All of these things happened within a two month period as our relationship went into the toilet.

One month before relapsing on Xanax, she wrote me a long letter, promising me that she would always stay true to me, and every single day she would continue to nourish our relationship and do whatever it took to make it work, and it was working at the time. We had no problems of significance really.

Within two months, I thought she didn’t love me, she was a horrible person, and it was all my fault. I went off on her a** and my pain made me act like an immature idiot, exposing her publicly after the third cheat in three weeks.

When she got caught cheating, she would yell and scream at me. Within a year she died alone with a needle in her arm.

I want to believe that the addiction and the borderline personality disorderl were the cause of her awful, horrible behavior, I don’t want to believe that she was a bad person or just used me or just didn’t love me. I’m almost there.

Wondering if anybody has any similar stories to share, and specifically,, if anyone has any comments on how/if addiction mixed with BPD. She became a monster.

Now I spend my free time thinking about what I could’ve done differently and how I’m awful for taking it out on her as a human being instead of accepting she was sick just got the f*** away.

Also, just Xanax stories regarding significant others. If there are similar stories to mine, with an amazing girlfriend turning into the most horrible person ever overnight, then this drug is truly one of the worst out there.

This is my first post, and warning, I’m probably gonna have a lot of follow-up questions. I’ve got to find peace. Thank you.

[Pensive1]

Yeah, BPD increases risk of drug abuse and addiction.

My ex, who has BPD, is alcoholic but in recovery. We actually met at AA (I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, with 37 years clean). She has a lot of years of sobriety now, but her use of prescribed drugs (including benzos) is sometimes questionable.

Her son - my stepson - also has BPD and is severely addicted to meth. He's also been using a lot of other drugs, including fentanyl. His life has been a disaster over the last few years, including being street-level homeless and often suicidal. I'm one of his primary sources of support. Recently, I've been paying for an apartment for him, but he's now losing that apartment because of circumstances related to the meth use. When he became addicted to meth, with his life in crisis, the stress hugely triggered my significant other's BPD, and she split me black, began an affair, and ended our relationship (after 25 years together).

My ex's brother, whom I cared about deeply, also appears to have had BPD and was addicted to narcotics. Ultimately, the mental illness and addiction led him to take his own life.