there arent a lot of reasons i can think of that are an invalid reason to leave a relationship (though there are plenty of unreasonable ones). the reasons you give are certainly valid ones.
of course, youre posting on the Bettering board, and on this board, we are here to help you actively 'better' your relationship, as long as youre committed to it.
but the reason that i made the first point, is that when you love someone with bpd traits, it is important to do so with realistic expectations of what the relationship can and cannot be; what is likely to improve, what might hopefully improve, and what is less likely to improve.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationshipwhen you understand that, change is possible, whatever that change may look like. a great deal of it depends on the person you love, and the context of your own, unique relationship.
for example, it was a good move to seek counseling (and support here) on your own. we cant, by and large, change another person. sometimes, we can motivate them; they may follow our lead. but regardless, having a strong support system is strongly recommended by experts in the field. to some extent, that involves getting our needs met in ways that our particular loved one may not be well equipped for. these things are true in any relationship, really; if you liked to laugh, but your partner wasnt funny, well...
how have things been since he retired? thats a big change for everyone, in and of itself.