Dating someone with BPD

[TW LOVE]

Hi, I’m needing a space to help with not being overwhelmed. I am dating someone with BPD. They’re wonderful and I want to know what are some great ways to best support them. They’ve shared with me their triggers, some experiences in other relationships and how BPD has affected their past relationships. Currently, they’ve had more frequent episodes. The triggers are very small things at times so it’s unpredictable to know when they’re in that state of mind until it’s already happened. I always remain patient, reassuring of our commitment, and talk them through it. In the meantime we have been looking to find a professional for both them individually and for us a couple but it would be helpful to learn about anyone else’s experiences with a partner that has BPD and help with navigating the ups and downs.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mitten]

It's great that you know that your partner has BPD before you get further into the relationship!  Many of us are not that lucky.  I think getting therapy for yourself is a great idea.  Most of us people in BPD relationships have caretaker personalities and co-dependent type characteristics.  I've learned so much about myself since I figured out my spouse had BPD.  Lastly, make sure you want to live your life with someone with BPD knowing that she likely won't get  ANY better, even with therapy. 

[jaded7]

Hi, I’m needing a space to help with not being overwhelmed. I am dating someone with BPD. They’re wonderful and I want to know what are some great ways to best support them. They’ve shared with me their triggers, some experiences in other relationships and how BPD has affected their past relationships. Currently, they’ve had more frequent episodes. The triggers are very small things at times so it’s unpredictable to know when they’re in that state of mind until it’s already happened. I always remain patient, reassuring of our commitment, and talk them through it. In the meantime we have been looking to find a professional for both them individually and for us a couple but it would be helpful to learn about anyone else’s experiences with a partner that has BPD and help with navigating the ups and downs.

You'll find a lot of insight here. Read through a bunch of threads in all the different boards, you'll see a lot of commonalities and a lot of ideas for how to be in a relationship with someone with BPD.

They've shared how BPD has affected their past relationships? This is fascinating, hopefully they have some real insight? That would be a great thing for you.

[kells76]

Hello TW LOVE and

Just want to add my voice to the others welcoming you to the group. It's good to hear that you're in a learning mindset, wanting to find ways to have an improved and healthier relationship with a pwBPD. Much of effective interaction/communication with a pwBPD can be unintuitive -- stuff that "works" (or, at least, is recoverable) with most people can be ineffective at best, if not explosive, with a pwBPD.

One good place to start is reviewing what validation is and isn't, and what invalidation is and isn't. Our thread on Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating has a great discussion.

Have either of you worked with a therapist or counselor before (individually or as a couple, even with a different partner)? Or will this be your first time seeing a professional?

Keep us in the loop on how things are going;

kells76