Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 05:47:37 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Exiting a BPD relationship  (Read 4143 times)
MindfulJavaJoe
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorcing
Posts: 2470


Everything is as it is meant to be.


« Reply #30 on: June 21, 2011, 03:27:30 AM »

Can I just say that this is an excellent workshop full of useful information.

My specific problem is that I have young children. LC is the best that I can hope for. No agreed parenting schedule so plenty of oportunity for manipularion, control and conflict.

Parental assessor appointment booked.

Divorce proceedings going ahead but slowly.

If I had the choice and no children I would be NC with my uBPDw.

Does anyone have practical tips for this awkward transition period.

I am just documenting patterns and staying calm.

Logged

nonhere
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 189



« Reply #31 on: June 19, 2012, 11:56:08 AM »

This is a truly excellent workshop!

I can't add anything to it right now, I'm still taking in all the great info posted, especially by OzToAZ - so much detail!

I think OzToAz's point about her own addiction to drama is amazing, it reveals a lot about what's happened to me. I've gone NC with my ex - but the drama stayed in my life, because I was addicted to (or used to?) it being there.  So I'd make drama about my ex, without her actually being in my life, or only minimally!
Logged
tcevans78
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Living apart over a year.
Posts: 262



« Reply #32 on: June 20, 2012, 09:59:34 PM »

The key elements of "No Contact" are

~   to get the partner out of your day-to- day life,

~   to stop thinking in terms of a relationship,

~   to take them out of your vision of the future,

~   to stop wondering about how they are perceiving everything you are doing, and

~   to stop obsessing with how they are reacting (or not reacting) or what they are doing.

**Sigh**  I can't believe this put everything I'm feeling into words so well.  Things that I feel so strongly - but didn't even realize I feel!  Especially the last two. 
Logged
whatisthetruth

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 47



« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2013, 06:59:29 PM »

thank you

thank you

thank you

Logged
Kettlepot

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: Separated, 10 months
Posts: 9



« Reply #34 on: November 16, 2013, 04:06:43 AM »

Very useful information. Thank you
Logged
AimingforMastery
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 139


« Reply #35 on: June 13, 2014, 02:11:28 AM »



Yes, very helpful - thank you
Logged
talithacumi
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Stopped living together in August 2010
Posts: 251



« Reply #36 on: June 13, 2014, 09:48:29 AM »

AimingforMastery - thanks for bumping this thread up! EXACTLY what I needed re-read today! Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
AimingforMastery
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 139


« Reply #37 on: June 13, 2014, 04:08:58 PM »



You are welcome, it's very good isn't it... .
Logged
Split black
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 343



« Reply #38 on: June 13, 2014, 05:00:00 PM »

Me too... . I read the whole thread. Ive failed miserably at NC. This is good intel. Need read it over and over and over.
Logged
AimingforMastery
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 139


« Reply #39 on: June 14, 2014, 02:38:02 AM »

Me too... . I read the whole thread. Ive failed miserably at NC. This is good intel. Need read it over and over and over.

I don't think failing at NC is too bad, if and only *IF* they get better, get well and love   you properly.

BIG If, I know... .
Logged
Split black
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 343



« Reply #40 on: June 14, 2014, 09:04:16 AM »

Me too... . I read the whole thread. Ive failed miserably at NC. This is good intel. Need read it over and over and over.

I don't think failing at NC is too bad, if and only *IF* they get better, get well and love   you properly.

BIG If, I know... .

There is no way my ex will do that... . shes a master manipulator, cheater, liar extraordinaire who goes thru men like a lawn mower cuts grass. I spent a year being seduced, and then reject, seduced and then rejected... . used for money, and her addictions. When she was sweet and loving and sex bombing me it was bliss... . but it was mostly misery... . and I fight urges to contact every day. She even tried ruining my career with a smear campaign... . only to text and wonder if I was ok. Then kept texting various hurtful things... . mixed in with old and sad I look now ( I have no idea when or how she would have seen me) Of course it wasn't true... but just words to hurt.  My goal is to totally stop responding and engaging. I dont contact her. Makes me almost want to call her ex bf who she went back to for the 25th time in 4 years. She recycled me 4 times in one year. Thats enough.
Logged
AimingforMastery
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 139


« Reply #41 on: June 14, 2014, 08:23:40 PM »

Sorry to hear that. So silly question, but she never did therapy then or admitted she had mental problems? 
Logged
Split black
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 343



« Reply #42 on: August 06, 2015, 12:20:36 PM »

Sorry to hear that. So silly question, but she never did therapy then or admitted she had mental problems?  

She was forced to take therapy, some years ago when she was living with her adopted parents, and then an ex bf forced her, said he would leave, so she goes now and then still ... . manipulated the therapist... . she joked about it. She knows in her lucid moments that she cant feel love or trust and has no empathy. She admitted a lot... . and then denied it just as much when she used me as the projection target for her self loathing. She also claims to have attempted suicide and was admitted to the psych ward more then once... . at least thats what she says. Every word is suspect. Every story.
Logged
Eye438
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Living apart
Posts: 98



« Reply #43 on: August 11, 2015, 12:34:58 PM »

The information here is really giving me strength to carry on and fully detach from a 5 year with my toxic BPD partner who is also bipolar 1. Needless to say I am drained completely out and have begun the no contact phase blocking her on my phone at this point any contact for me would mean getting sucked into the dance which I can no longer do. Her things are still in my house and I don't want to be there when she is ready to move out. I had to bring her to a homeless shelter unfortunately but I am in self rescue mode. How do I go about having no contact when all of her belongings are still in my home? Help! ❤️
Logged

Cane787
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 52



« Reply #44 on: November 08, 2015, 11:04:54 PM »

I am in this position now. After 25 years with an abusive high functioning borderline / narcissist I had 4 years no contact and ignored charms. We recently reunited and the above statement is very true. She is working hard to idealize me, and even though she admits she has this disorder she made it clear she won't be doing anything about it. Along with some covert abuse I noticed that she didn't realize I noticed. So I recently wrote a lengthy letter pointing out the fact that I would not be in her life if these old tactics are coming back to stay as it did in our past. She hasn't received the letter yet but she reached out to me today. I ignored it because my strong intuition tells me this will never end until it kills me. I will never forgive her for far too many cruel actions. Such as not coming to my mothers funeral, not being there for me at all, then MAKING SURE she let me know she will noway miss any funeral now. (This is supposed to make me feel better to her disordered mind... ) The funeral example is a very small one compared to what I have been through with her. Those four years of NC were very healing for me. I am ready to save myself, better myself and get back to it. Do I have to notify her? Say anything? Give any warning? I technically gave her more than I ever received since I wrote a letter and my past consists of hundreds of silent treatments and punishment from her. I certainly don't fear any confrontation or words, but does she really deserve any words at all?
Logged
lingering

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #45 on: March 17, 2016, 09:36:15 PM »

This is so helpful.  I ended my relationship with my uBPD husband on 2/26/16.  We are divorced.  I have a new home.  I am surprised at the feelings that just slam me.  I am doing ok and then have a panic attack at work - like I think I am having a heart attack!  I wake up in the middle of the night - alarmed.  He calls, I let it go to voicemail.  He is crying, then he is telling me my meds are ready to pick up, then saying "let me help you sweetheart".  I wish I could fast forward through this.  There are three things at his place that I really need:  1) a piano, 2) an antique picture that is very valuable to me and 3) a cord to an exercise machine.  I don't want to go over until I can get all three at once... .waiting for a piano dolly to be returned to the rental store in the small town.  Gah.  I just dread the drama.  Can't wait to go NC. 
Logged
lingering

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #46 on: April 03, 2016, 09:43:45 PM »

It's difficult to realize that we can still be IN contact without ever communicating with our BPD. 

Turtle

Right?  I think my whole relationship with my pwBPD exh was like that.  He didn't know me at all, I said things, he replied irrelevantly.  God, that stuff HURTS! 

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!