Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
June 25, 2021, 05:07:11 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
222
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: I'm dysregulating hardcore  (Read 2428 times)
lingering

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2016, 11:37:56 PM »

It's been 4 weeks... .My T suggested I try online dating... ./quote]

I am certain that it requires time to process all of the bs.  While my libido Iwhich I was certain had withered and died several years ago) has blossomed in the 4 weeks and 3 days since I left, I am NOT going to be doing any dating.  Can't even believe a professional would suggest such a thing! 

Replace one mess with another?  Like saying to an alcoholic, "just drink vodka instead of gin".  What? 

Healing takes time, thought, tears, processing and reclaiming. My joy for life dripped away slowly with each new drama, rejected boundary, rage and tearful plea for love.  And there were times when I truly believed I would love him forever.  There is some grieving to do.  Grief is the other face of love. 

Living my joyful, loving life requires some self exploration. It can not be reclaimed without looking at that.    I am imagining about 6 years two months and two weeks... .about as long as I was married to my exh uPD.  Maybe even two years longer than that where my compassion and sadness at his tragic life became "love".  I gotta look because I do NOT ever want to live this again. 

I'm going to just love myself in the mean time.  It is about time that I developed THAT life skill. 

Best wishes... .you deserve healing. 
Logged
lingering

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2016, 11:41:12 PM »

Do you meditate?

I would welcome some input about how meditation helps.

Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11773



« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2016, 11:46:22 PM »

having personally never meditated: www.webmd.com/balance/features/meditation-heals-body-and-mind
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
steelwork
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1243


« Reply #33 on: April 01, 2016, 12:08:19 AM »

I would welcome some input about how meditation helps.

There's a lot to say about this and I'm not an expert. However, I do remember those first really bad months. I was really falling apart and just trying everything I could, and meditating helped me.

One really common method for settling into meditation is to "scan" your body, notice all the sensations in it. Another is to notice the sounds around you. What these things have in common is that they are happening in the present. Meditation anchors you in the present. From a certain perspective there is no separate past or future. The past has expired and ceased to be; the future isn't here yet. When we're "living in the past" or ruminating, we're doing it from the present. Thoughts of what happened, what's happening somewhere else--they are just that: thoughts, like clouds in a blue sky that you can observe and wonder about. Think of them from the outside and they lose some of their power over you. When you are in a state of crisis over your pwBPDex, you are living inside those thoughts and your perspective is being warped.

Or if that doesn't do it for you, think of this: I know my mind was spinning like a top a lot of the time. It needs a rest. Meditating is, if nothing else, a breather for your busy mind.

Right now your body is coursing with cortisol--a stress hormone. High amounts of it for a long time are really bad for you: bad for your digestion, your heart, your sleep. Meditating lowers the amount of cortisol you produce.

I don't know. When I was in the thick of it I was just trying everything, because I felt like I had nothing to lose.
Logged
lingering

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #34 on: April 03, 2016, 08:52:38 PM »

I would welcome some input about how meditation helps.

There's a lot to say about this and I'm not an expert. However, I do remember those first really bad months. I was really falling apart and just trying everything I could, and meditating helped me.

One really common method for settling into meditation is to "scan" your body, notice all the sensations in it. Another is to notice the sounds around you. What these things have in common is that they are happening in the present. Meditation anchors you in the present. From a certain perspective there is no separate past or future. The past has expired and ceased to be; the future isn't here yet. When we're "living in the past" or ruminating, we're doing it from the present. Thoughts of what happened, what's happening somewhere else--they are just that: thoughts, like clouds in a blue sky that you can observe and wonder about. Think of them from the outside and they lose some of their power over you. When you are in a state of crisis over your pwBPDex, you are living inside those thoughts and your perspective is being warped.

Or if that doesn't do it for you, think of this: I know my mind was spinning like a top a lot of the time. It needs a rest. Meditating is, if nothing else, a breather for your busy mind.

Right now your body is coursing with cortisol--a stress hormone. High amounts of it for a long time are really bad for you: bad for your digestion, your heart, your sleep. Meditating lowers the amount of cortisol you produce.

I don't know. When I was in the thick of it I was just trying everything, because I felt like I had nothing to lose.

Really helpful, steelwork!  Thanks for this!  Listening to the birds, right now.  I get it! 

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!