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Poll
Question: Do you think you fear or dislike being alone?
Very significant factor - 10 (20.4%)
Significant factor - 15 (30.6%)
Somewhat significant factor - 10 (20.4%)
Not a significant factor - 13 (26.5%)
I don't know - 1 (2%)
Total Voters: 48

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Author Topic: SURVEY | Do you think you fear being alone?  (Read 3674 times)
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« Reply #30 on: January 10, 2011, 12:39:50 AM »

I like me. I know me as well as a person can, and better than most. I have no problem being alone. But real loneliness, is when you realize that the life you have led, and the suffering you have known, and the strength you have gathered, and the self-knowledge you have accumulated has no value in anyone's life but your own, and you keep waking up alone, and watching the women you are interested in go for unavailable "cute" guys who they would rather fix, than to just be with a guy who already understands himself, and all you want is someone to share the ride with, because you just want to know that someone in this f'ed up world gets half of what's in your heart, mind and soul

Wow, rcoaster, this is exactly how I feel.  And you wrote it so beautifully that it gave me a rush, the way a really awesome piece of slam poetry does, or hearing a new song with lyrics that say exactly what I am feeling.  I also agree strongly with these parts:

Excerpt
If anything I think some of us try so hard to act as if we need no one, that we are really just trying to justify our suffering of feeling alone.

Excerpt
I think it's about balance, not learning to be truly non-dependent on anyone. We just need to take care of our selves so that we can all give in a healthy way to the ones we love and who love us. But to say we don't need love, or don't need others, is just as insane as BPD enmeshment.

I'm not afraid of being alone, but I am lonely.  I feel much better overall then I did at the end of my marriage, so I don't ever wish I was back in that.  But being a one man wolf pack gets lonely.  In the past I have lived alone for a couple years, but have never been more than a few months in between relationships.  Even then, I've never been more than a couple months without at least casually dating since I was 17.  When I was younger, I think a lot of it had to do with convincing myself I was lovable.  If someone loved me, even if they weren't "in my league" then at least I wasn't totally unlovable.  I had someone.  In my 20s, though, I became more independent and much more confident, and I often thought I would never get married before meeting stbxh.  I couldn't think of a single thing I NEEDED a man for.  I had a good education, a good job I loved, was good at managing money, could take care of all the "guy stuff" around the house, could adopt kids if I wanted them, had plenty of friends, and am generally a really independent person who NEEDS some space and time alone every day.  However, a lot of things are more fun with someone to share them with.  I like having a dinner companion, a travel companion, and someone to curl up with in front of a movie, or in bed with at the end of the day.  I like knowing someone is there and always has my back.  I was surprised how much I really enjoyed living with someone and being married (well, that is, until things all went to hell!)

I'm fine on my own.  These days, I'd much prefer being alone then in a bad relationship.  However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss a lot of things about being in a relationship.  I really liked being a wife, and I think I was pretty good at that (though perhaps stbxh would disagree  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) ) and I do think it sort of becomes your identity.  I had felt confident that being alone wasn't something I was going to have to face until God forbid something happened to stbxh... .so this being alone thing is something I'm still getting used to.  Afraid of being alone?  Not so much.  But not enjoying it either.
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findingmyselfagain
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« Reply #31 on: April 27, 2011, 08:40:58 PM »

I don't know if I fear being alone, or if I just miss the constant communication/presence of my ex-fiance. Before I met her, I had no problems going to a movie or anywhere by myself. During the few months following the breakup I couldn't STAND to be by myself. I even had to dial people up while I was walking around my neighborhood. I don't feel nearly as anxious now... .I guess it was trauma from the break-up more than anything?
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« Reply #32 on: April 28, 2011, 11:22:58 AM »

I think I used to fear being alone.  Not any more.  I like me, I really like me  Smiling (click to insert in post) 

Quite honestly, I'm much more afraid of being with another BPD or garden variety abuser than I fear being alone. 

That said, I would enjoy companionship, partnership in life.  If it's meant to be, it will be.  In the meantime, I'm cool.   Being cool (click to insert in post)
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Sunfl0wer
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« Reply #33 on: January 22, 2018, 02:13:07 PM »

Humm, I think it would be more accurate to say, I fear my Self. (Maybe this is the same thing, idk it just feels slightly different tho)

Sometimes I can become overly preoccupied in a relational dynamic or another person or any thing external to me as an escape from my Self... .and as an escape from the present moment.

Excerpt
Could this have been part of your relationship issues?

Sure

I am sure that I entered into that past relationship feeling “more whole” for having him as a partner.  It helped me define my identity and it gave me a false sense of security having “a partner” to share life with.  I felt like I really liked who I was when with him.

I was lacking a good relationship with myself though.  I did not realize this.  Yet, where I am now, it is apparent that I was not as ok with just my Self.

Having a partner who I felt accepted me gave me the illusion of being ok with my Self.  Ironically, I was preoccupied with his issues as a way to avoid my own.  (His issues being his exW with BPD harrassing him.  My issues being my son’s chronic illnesses, and my own dysfunctional habits.)
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TurbanCowboy
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« Reply #34 on: January 22, 2018, 05:50:12 PM »

Not afraid to be alone since I basically was my first 7 or so years out of college. I think it’s more about dating again at my age and dealing with someone else’s inevitable baggage.

I can tell you that I probably tolerated obvious red flashes 10 years ago because she was pretty, a hard worker and into me. I was feeling the pressure of getting into a committed relationship internally and from family, especially if I wanted to have children.

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valet
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« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2018, 07:44:35 PM »

I don't think I've ever explicitly feared the idea of being alone, but to say that it wasn't some kind of a factor in my decision to stay in an abusive relationship would be a misnomer. I do think that I used to be somewhat over demanding of my friends, although that has greatly decreased as I've gotten older. Nowadays I find that I'm not trying to do everything, be everywhere, or meet everybody. I have different standards for myself, and I don't bend over backwards to please people. This very clearly, as I see it, was not always the case.

I would have to say that being alone is a very real fear for any living human being. Like other things, however, it only becomes a problem when we let that fear override good sense. Would I prefer being alone over hanging out with a bunch of drug addicts? Yes. Would I prefer being alone over letting someone abuse me emotionally? Yes. If those answers were no (behaviorally, I mean), I think it would be a good idea for me to get some help.

I have to say that my biggest fears probably revolve around the opposite idea at this point. It has been an uphill battle learning to trust others again since my failed relationship, to drop my guard and just be myself around people that I don't know. Day by day, I have gotten better at it.

I feel ready for new things, whatever they might be. It doesn't mean that I take pause and don't have to push myself past my comfort zone at times. I seek to... .learn about myself responsibly. To be reasonable in my risk taking, I suppose. I try to grow every day. I think it's good practice to stop every once in a while and ask ourselves 'how am I improving upon past versions of myself?'

To what extent does a fear of being alone have to do with any of this? I'm not sure and I don't think about it too much, which seems to be working for me.
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« Reply #36 on: January 22, 2018, 07:50:17 PM »

An interesting question that Skip posed about being alone.

I have found that the fear or anxiety of being alone may be linked to childhood fears, particularly when the home was an unsafe place for the child, e.g., domestic violence of various kinds. This type of environment can be particularly found in homes where there was a borderline disorder or trait parent present.

Working with a therapist on relationship issues is an ideal time to address childhood issues that have not been processed. It would seem that such childhood topics carry core obstacles that need to be approached in their own right and then examined as they relate to adult relationships.
Zen606
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« Reply #37 on: January 22, 2018, 10:08:31 PM »

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Robin Williams
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« Reply #38 on: January 22, 2018, 10:15:14 PM »

Wow! Robin Williams was so on target, so profound
Zen606
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ArleighBurke
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« Reply #39 on: January 22, 2018, 10:18:39 PM »

In Jan 2018, Britian appointed a Minister for Loneliness in recognition of the mental health issues caused by it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minister_for_Loneliness
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-britain-politics-health/britain-appoints-minister-for-loneliness-amid-growing-isolation-idUSKBN1F61I6
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WTL
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« Reply #40 on: January 23, 2018, 02:36:38 AM »

I do find pretty substantial discomfort in being alone and that it probably has been a contributing factor in why I’ve stayed in some of my relationships. I find this interesting Zen. It’s something I’ll have to explore deeper.
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« Reply #41 on: January 23, 2018, 10:35:46 AM »

it wouldnt be obvious to me that i fear being alone. im a textbook introvert. most of the time i love being alone, need it.

Clinical evidence supports the fact that all too often one of the main reasons that both men and women get into a relationship, and then often stay in a relationship, is related to a fear of being alone.

i would have told you a long time ago, that i was afraid for my ex of her being alone, and its true. she was very dependent on me, and had a difficult time being apart from me. i wonder though, how much of that was projection on my end, and how much of it was me feeling powerful from her dependence on me.

A fear of being alone can be directly related to lack of self-confidence

i think what i fear, on some level, is being, not alone, but on my own. independent. self sufficient. in the past, over reliance and dependency on others have definitely held me back in life. i think thats why it made me feel powerful to have someone so dependent on me, and it also took the focus and anxiety away from me.

when i first came here, i was introduced to a little concept called "self efficacy". it seemed to fit me a little better than issues with self esteem. self efficacy is essentially about believing in yourself. i think that at the end of the day, i do. i know that when the rubber meets the road, when the pressures on, im often at my best. ive come a long way in this regard, but its something i would say i have struggles with and holds me back.

in the case of my relationship, i believed i deserved better, and my relationship did not fit my model of what a healthy, loving relationship should be, and yet i could never do more than threaten to leave.

more on this here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=276121.msg12614401#msg12614401
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« Reply #42 on: January 23, 2018, 12:42:38 PM »

I'm not sure if my fear of being alone has me trapped or if its more my extroverted personality... . 
I have been alone before and while not fun, I manage.

Where I get hung up as a true extrovert is that I love life, and I love people.  I believe there are so many wonderful and beautiful things in life that should be shared.  Why keep such beautiful things to yourself? (its ok if you do though).   For me it just seems second nature to be with others and to enjoy, share, commiserate, laugh, cry with others. 

I don't fear being alone, I just don't like it.
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« Reply #43 on: January 23, 2018, 01:16:16 PM »

I don't feel it is or was relevant at all.

I am quite able to just be by myself. I don't really like to be alone, but I never feared it. Perhaps I should have: most of my friends have gone their own way (age related) and I have waited too long to act... .
Now I am alone.

I have seen this especially in my first encounter with a pwBPD: that girl felt alone no matter what. She had a lot of friends and could be the center of attention. But she still claimed to feel alone.

That's the difference: I feel alone when I AM alone. They always feel alone.

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« Reply #44 on: January 23, 2018, 02:50:42 PM »

I have seen this especially in my first encounter with a pwBPD: that girl felt alone no matter what. She had a lot of friends and could be the center of attention. But she still claimed to feel alone.

That's the difference: I feel alone when I AM alone. They always feel alone.

This very thing has been said to me over the past few months.  uBPDw and I are on the verge of meltdown and I she has said to me that she still feels very alone in the marriage despite me being there for her ALL the time... .  I would hate to feel that way.
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« Reply #45 on: January 23, 2018, 03:59:13 PM »

No, I enjoy my own company and like time alone to read, play music, do artwork, exercise and commune with nature.  Like once removed, I'm an introvert by nature and need down time in order to recharge.  On the other hand, I'm an introvert who has learned to be an extrovert, in the sense that I have a garrulous side and like to socialize, perhaps because I enjoy interacting with people.  During my marriage to my BPDxW, I craved time to myself because my Ex was so demanding and insecure whenever I did things on my own, due to her own fear of abandonment.

LuckyJim
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« Reply #46 on: January 23, 2018, 07:57:44 PM »

I replied significant factor.  I remember once during my relationship when I was just super miserable thinking "I want to leave him, why am I not?" and then I was like "Ugh but I hate dating, it's just easier to stay in this relationship... ." 

I do hate dating, but god I hate how I feel after this relationship so much more.  So I'm working hard now on learning how to be happy by myself again.
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« Reply #47 on: January 23, 2018, 11:02:14 PM »

Hi WTL-
I have have shared those feelings as well, and have as you described stayed in a relationship. For me it was because of the fear of "never" finding another person. This fear has been exaggerated because eventually I would meet someone and commence a relationship that would often span years. This fear is I believe connected to childhood issues. My mom was a bp trait person, and I say trait because she was never diagnosed. The emotional climate at home was such that now I realize I had so much fear of being left alone without anyone to protect me. This childhood fear is something I am exploring in therapy at the moment.

I also enjoy being alone but it is much easier to enjoy this state when there is a partner in the picture, when there is someone to connect to if I want to.
Zen606
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« Reply #48 on: January 23, 2018, 11:38:14 PM »

Oh boy... .the truth?  I fear being alone with him, old, unable to move with no escape, and having to listen to him complain about everything and everyone... .I often wonder what he says about me when he's not here.  It cannot be good!  Oh look... .I made myself laugh!
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« Reply #49 on: January 24, 2018, 07:13:12 AM »

Yes, 25+ years ago I was more than ready to get married. I found a man who wanted to be my end-all, and I clung to him.

Part of why I stayed though was the children, and the belief that somehow I could make it work. I have been largely a stay-at-home mom for 20 years with various part-time jobs, so there was that too.

Over and over he complained that I wasn't meeting his needs and that I wasn't his first priority. The reality is that I never would have met his needs the way he wanted. It was humanly impossible. Changing jobs, dropping all evening activities, only seeing my friends when he was at work, etc. etc. was never enough.

Now I know how twisted all of that was. I don't fear being alone now. It's far better than being in a destructive marriage with someone who has BPD/NPD. I do have our two young adults living with me, but when they leave, I honestly think I'll be fine.
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« Reply #50 on: January 24, 2018, 11:30:04 AM »

Excerpt
I don't fear being alone now. It's far better than being in a destructive marriage with someone who has BPD/NPD. I do have our two young adults living with me, but when they leave, I honestly think I'll be fine.

Like what you're saying, MeandThee.  LJ
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« Reply #51 on: January 25, 2018, 08:01:50 AM »

In Jan 2018, Britian appointed a Minister for Loneliness in recognition of the mental health issues caused by it.
Thanks for sharing this.  Smiling (click to insert in post) Can you imagine introducing yourself to other ministries and saying you're the Minister for Loneliness? Apart from that--I think it's good that the UK is taking it seriously and in such a public way. I'm quite sure it was found that there was a significant link between isolation and serious illness.
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« Reply #52 on: January 26, 2018, 12:19:02 AM »

Yes, this is a big issue for me. It's funny, because most people would say I'm pretty independent. This is an issue for me right now. I drifted back into the relationship I was in while I was having an affair with my ex. I broke up with him soon after my ex cut off contact with me, hoping I could get him back. The uBPD affair partner, that is. Ended up back in the relationship I cheated in. I'm not in love but am afraid to leave again, because I feel like I can't take another upheaval. Also, my boyfriend is always saying things like that he couldn't  Live without me. I don't want to hurt him again. Also, I don't feel like anyone else understands me.
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Zen606
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« Reply #53 on: January 26, 2018, 12:45:13 AM »

Hi Steelwork,
I certainly understand where you are coming from. My situation is similar. The non-bp man I was involved with, before I met my bptrait ex, wants me to go back to him and be a couple again. As its no fun to be alone I am considering it, but I feel like I'm settling, as I am not in love with him. I'm working on this in therapy but right now its a confusing scenario for me. 
Zen606
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« Reply #54 on: January 26, 2018, 06:37:46 AM »

Im not afraid being alone. In fact, i have been alone most of my life. So, its nothing new for me, but i do see that this a problem for lots of people out there.
I have done some online dating, mostly though just looking some pen pals. And well, no one wants just a pen pal, they want relationship and they want that fast. This is ridiculous.
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steelwork
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« Reply #55 on: January 26, 2018, 10:12:45 AM »

The non-bp man I was involved with, before I met my bptrait ex, wants me to go back to him and be a couple again. As its no fun to be alone I am considering it, but I feel like I'm settling, as I am not in love with him.

Hey Zen606,

I don't know what your circumstances are. These things are never simple, of course. But if it's truly a matter of not wanting to be alone, beware of trapping yourself and someone else in an unhappy relationship. I say that as someone who has made the mistake more than once. (More than once even with the same person.)
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Zen606
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« Reply #56 on: January 26, 2018, 09:52:09 PM »

Hi Steelwork,
Yes, this being alone business can be an issue for someone like me that likes companionship. My non bp friend of 12 years and I have discussed it, and right now the idea of having the solid friendship that we do may work for the time being. So both of us continue to look at it. I enjoy being with him greatly, I could say we are soul mates of sorts -- and love him as a person very much, just not in love.

Still thinking about this and processing it in therapy.

Thank you for responding.
Zen606
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« Reply #57 on: January 26, 2018, 11:19:52 PM »

Hi happendtome-
I agree, there appears to be a rush to get into relationships, while having friends/pen pals can be more satisfying in the long run. I like the idea of men and women being friends -- face to face or otherwise. One can develop the friendship slowly without the pressure that a romantic relationship brings, and as far as I can see male/female friendships can last much longer than one's based on romance and sex.
Friendships or companionships  are antidotes for being alone, which I believe is not a healthy state to be in. Humans are social creatures. I certainly don't want to be alone, its not the path for me. So a comanionship with a male is much welcome.  Particularly after the circus that was my ex bptrait male lover.
Zen606
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« Reply #58 on: January 27, 2018, 02:01:10 AM »

Being afraid of being alone was certainly one of the biggest reasons for my contact with BPD friend at first. After 2 years of caring for a dying husband and little contact, I was very vulnerable, and my other family and friends had little time for me. I became totally dependent on him;even the difficulties were a way of blocking out my aloneness. Now I have recovered, really, and I feel happy alone too, as I used to do. Friend is still about and we have a good relationship where I can mostly detach from his disregulations. But I am truly very fond of him, even the nuisancy and unpleasantg bits. He still is my main contact - but I am not dependant.
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« Reply #59 on: January 28, 2018, 12:29:58 AM »

Foggydew
I would have remained friends with my bptrait ex, he wanted to me to, however because I still love him I decided against it and have been NC for 3 months now. My feelings for him would have put me back into the recycle mode. One year -- on and off -- of the carousel was enough for me.  You were able to establish a friendship with him, this is great!
Zen606
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