FAQ: Is a personality disorder a mental illness or a character flaw?

[BPDFamily.com]

You are quite a Mom.  Super Job.

Thanks - do not feel so successful the past couple weeks - lost contact with my mindfulness skills . Appreciate all the validation I get.

Agree on the wetware research and you seem to have a Very Good Understanding.  From some other end with Autism Study, I am almost expecting to see this become the other end of the same problem.  (Autism being hypo-connected, hypo-activity and BPD being hyper-connected, hyper-activity).

Unfortunately, you are also about a decade (or more) ahead of much of the would-be treatment community.  Or I guess I should say treatment industry.

There is a lot of stopped-learning-once-started practice folks who have absolutely no knowledge of these aspects of the topics, but continue to hack along on what they "learned" 20 or 30 years ago in school.

Maybe the changes have to come from a grass-roots community effort of caregivers that are now educating themselves, and you and I are. We have to be willing to become vulnerable and demand the services that our individual struggling loved ones need to find a fit into this community. The technology shift from agriculture and industrial has left so many outside the community they require to exist. So I sadly agree - it is probably going to take years - a decade - to see these efforts evolve.

The more we demand training and supervisory support of the professionals working with mental illness, the faster this will unfold. If we refuse to access and pay inadequately trained and supported therapists or clinics, their funding will dry up and they will disappear or change. This information is readily becoming accessible online, at conferences, at continuing education in the licensing process. I guess some political action on the licensing side would be helpful too.

Where do you all see this happening? How can we find our niche to help it along -- and have enough energy left to cope with our families? We need supervisory support too

qcr

[qcarolr]

You are quite a Mom.  Super Job.

Thanks - do not feel so successful the past couple weeks - lost contact with my mindfulness skills . Appreciate all the validation I get.

Agree on the wetware research and you seem to have a Very Good Understanding.  From some other end with Autism Study, I am almost expecting to see this become the other end of the same problem.  (Autism being hypo-connected, hypo-activity and BPD being hyper-connected, hyper-activity).

Unfortunately, you are also about a decade (or more) ahead of much of the would-be treatment community.  Or I guess I should say treatment industry.

There is a lot of stopped-learning-once-started practice folks who have absolutely no knowledge of these aspects of the topics, but continue to hack along on what they "learned" 20 or 30 years ago in school.

Maybe the changes have to come from a grass-roots community effort of caregivers that are now educating themselves, and you and I are. We have to be willing to become vulnerable and demand the services that our individual struggling loved ones need to find a fit into this community. The technology shift from agriculture and industrial has left so many outside the community they require to exist. So I sadly agree - it is probably going to take years - a decade - to see these efforts evolve.

The more we demand training and supervisory support of the professionals working with mental illness, the faster this will unfold. If we refuse to access and pay inadequately trained and supported therapists or clinics, their funding will dry up and they will disappear or change. This information is readily becoming accessible online, at conferences, at continuing education in the licensing process. I guess some political action on the licensing side would be helpful too.

Where do you all see this happening? How can we find our niche to help it along -- and have enough energy left to cope with our families? We need supervisory support too

qcr

[qcarolr]

I think I need to get more involved with NES-BPD in some way in my community. Not sure where to find what I can do, here is the website.

www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/

Lots of info here to checkout.

qcr

[Somewhere]

I am now best guessing that any practical solution(s) will come from outside the "helping" industries.

Stuff like this >>

www.darpa.mil/NewsEvents/Releases/2013/04/02.aspx

[qcarolr]

Somewhere - the research data from all sources is important to meet many different needs. My peek at this web article is their research aims are very broad. It will take some focus from researchers in the interpersonal/psychological fields to apply the research to treatments for individuals.

My comments are most pointed toward encouraging those in the field for many years to stay current with new knowledge -- keep their treatment plans on best available paths.

Example: a professional making a blanket statement that all PD's come from childhood abuse or that it is all the parents fault.

qcr

[Suzn]

Looking at the criteria for BPD would help answer your question yes.

This may help The Symptoms and Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder [NEW]

Understanding a person with BPD is disordered, with the emotional maturity of a 4 year old roughly. Imagine a 4 year old not comprehending  more mature situations and you can easily see how difficult this disorder could possibly be for them. Then you add in our misunderstandings of the disorder and not knowing how to communicate with a person with BPD and you have a recipe for a lot of hurt, on both sides.

For more in depth detail:

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

[Iced]

In my very honest opinion, labels can be as useless as they can be useful.

It all boils down to, ":)ifferent people behave differently, 'clinically disordered' or not, and different people get along differently with different people."

Even if someone DOESN'T have the BPD tag, they can still be a 'BACON' and they can still keep showing that 'BACON' self and they can still keep displaying certain behavioral traits that are incompatible with you.

Voluntarily behaving in a disordered way or not, the fact remains that communication (and lifestyle, and whatever) wise, there is incompatibility.  Period.  And it is up to you to make a choice as to how to deal with it.

Without labels, if someone is displaying certain behaviors and keeps on lashing out inappropriately and with no self-awareness and a certain level of accountability (like, getting help or being open to getting help) and refuses to reach out towards self-awareness and a certain level of accountability (agreeing to do counseling), I will not tolerate it past a certain point.

Even if they got a 'clean bill of health' from a therapist that said, 'they do not have any PDs!' I still would not tolerate it past a certain point.

Why?

Because boundaries are boundaries and mutual respect is mutual respect and EITHER a consistent and aware breaking of either OR a consistent and un-aware breaking of either with no hope of awareness and healthy communication ARE deal-breakers.

They could be a 'BACON', they could be a 'HAM', they could be a 'BROCCOLI' or a 'BRUSSEL SPROUT'... .  but if they are displaying certain behaviors that would otherwise be considered disordered if not for the labels of bacon, ham, or what-have-you... .  

They simply ARE displaying certain behaviors.

[GreenMango]

BPD is a longstanding and pervasive pattern of instability in thoughts, behavior and emotions that affects a persons interpersonal relationships and general ability to cope and function in a pro-social way.  The degree depends on the individual.

Here's a little bit on BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

[almost789]

Alot of people can check of on BPD trait categories and not be considered personsality disordered. The two categories that most non personality disordered individuals would not would not be able to check off on are either IDENTITY DISTURBANCE (a feeling of not knowing who you are) OR INSTABILITY WITH SELF DIRECTION ( goals, career plans, and values). This is according to the DSM IV revised 2011. Not just any old jerk, or emotionally reactive person has an personality disorder. 

But, really in my opinion, I agree with the previous poster, there are other things that show clear indicators of a personality disorder which aren't even on the list! Those things being, remarkable projection, splitting (one day they love you, the next your evil) pulling and pushing, high sensitivity to rejection, intimacy fears, all very indicative of a BPD in my opinion. I also believe the lack of identity is a big one. I don't necessarily percieve an instability with self direction alone to be indicative of a personality disordered person as there are lots of people who have difficulty with self direction who are not personality disordered.

[GreenMango]

Poor coping skills are not indicative to BPD alone.  Things like projection, splitting, etc aren't specific to people with BPD.  They can present on occasion in almost anyone.  Coping skills come in different forms appraisal focused, problem solving, or emotion focused. (Wikipedia has a pretty good synopsis of the them here www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coping_(psychology) ). When people talk about BPD behavior and the more defensive coping skills, it's when it's the standard life skill set not necessarily the exception.  So partners, parents, children see it repeatedly. 

People that struggle with BPD or traits its longstanding pattern of those criteria with deficits (a 2 or above impairment on the scale pretty consistently) in at least one of the self - self direction and identity - and at least one in interpersonal - empathy and intimacy - along with the other parts of the criteria like mood lability, hostility, etc.  And it's the severity of how these present.  The scale is 0 for healthy to 4 for severely impaired.   

It is combination of factors.   It can't just be lack of self direction alone, that doesn't make for a person meeting BPD criteria.  It's a difficult thing for professionals to diagnose, it takes time to see these things and rule out other things.

[qcarolr]

Wouldn't it be great if we could get a 'picture' of the status at birth of each child's temperament and then tuck a little manual about best practices for providind a validating, loving environment for each one? With a page about their match to each caregiver/parents develpmental place? This would be magical thinking of course.

There is an abundance of information - how to get it to those least likely to have access, to those least likely to have acceptance of being told what to do.

It is a very complex developmental story for each of us. Those of us here are willing to do the work to improve ourselves and learn new ways to connect with difficult people. What are some ideas about how we can model this for others we touch with our lives?

qcr

[Verbena]

Who would Choose to act Crazy? BPD Is Not Choosen Its a horrible Mental Illness that People develop from Horrible Up bringings and being mis treated when they are younger... . I know its not a choice if it was then I don't think my DBPDH would continue to cry for help and try as hard as he does to be normal for once... . He hates that he deals with this every day... . It kills him inside. It SUCKS. And often people with BPD are just thrown on the back burner... . To difficult to treat many say... . Or made out to be monsters... . I honestly think they need a Solid support system behind them. Not people who back their thoughts up by basically running from them or saying they are horrible, When in my husbands case he has not one good thing to say about himself... . Why add to the negitive thoughts? Continue the positive I find it helps to reasure him that he does have some good about him and hes not useless and hopeless.

Just my opinion... .

My daughter had neither a horrible upbringing nor was she ever mistreated as a child, so I struggle even more to understand why she has this illness. 

[Auspicious]

My daughter had neither a horrible upbringing nor was she ever mistreated as a child, so I struggle even more to understand why she has this illness.  

Science is still struggling to figure out the etiology. I believe the current theory is that it is a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental factors.

If so, that would likely mean that any number of possible percentages could occur ... . 1%/99%, 40%/50%, who knows?

In his book about depression - another mental illness where they are trying to figure out the etiology - Perter Kramer talks about resilience. Someone with a high intrinsic (i.e. genetic) resilience can bounce back from X amount of stress. Someone with low resilience can't. So "is it the stress, or the genetics?" isn't a yes/no question.

Nobody has zero stress in their upbringing (or adult life). Everyone experiences some invalidation, disappointment, loss, separation, pain. It's unavoidable. How we react to it - how we even can react to it - is largely affected by our genetics.

[Auspicious]

In his book about depression - another mental illness where they are trying to figure out the etiology - Perter Kramer talks about resilience. Someone with a high intrinsic (i.e. genetic) resilience can bounce back from X amount of stress. Someone with low resilience can't. So "is it the stress, or the genetics?" isn't a yes/no question.

Sorry, that's Peter Kramer - not "Perter" Kramer 

[KMS]

It's a mental illness. 

//Mental Illness implies somewhat psychotic or non reality or simply paranoia type of mindset... .too harsh a term?//

No, that's not what mental illness means.  That's the incorrect social stigma.  Depression is a mental illness.  You do NOT have to be psychotic ("crazy" to have a mental illness.

[KMS]

My daughter had neither a horrible upbringing nor was she ever mistreated as a child, so I struggle even more to understand why she has this illness.  

I don't think BPD comes from life experiences.  I think it because of the brain not being "wired correctly".  Just as mood disorders are from the same thing or an imbalance of neurotransmitters. Now, your life experiences can certainly make things better or worse, but I don't think they are the underlying cause.

[qcarolr]

This is similar to experiencing that some kids are more resilient than others, really from birth. Snuggle, get on routine better, have similar experiences-process them with 'regular' parenting responses-move on. Less resilient kids seem to have a built in resistance to comfort. They perceive things at a higher emotional level and need a much deeper calming response from their caregivers to process the perceived 'trauma', integrate it into their life story and move on. Sometimes no matter how good the caregiver is with these loving skills, the 'normal' experiences can be processed in an out-of-balance brain as trauma.

There is so much new info from neuroscience research being published in the past few years. It is now being integrated into other publications in fields like education and psychology. It verifies the positive results of some existing theories and methods; it invalidates others. It is a very exciting time of hope for our kids and for our families. The other hopeful thing is the brain has flexibility to change (plasticity).

The tools and skills on bpdfamily.com fit in the 'verified' side of neuroscience from what I have studied. The hope I have is very real, even though my DD is 28 and currently in jail. As I let go of my judging attitudes and practice validation and unconditional love for her our relationship has improved. She is beginning to accept her part in where she is in her life - accepting responsibility gives her the power to change from the inside out.

qcr